The Onion can apparently predict the future. 3/25/20 edition.

[Arkansas Granny]

Man Just Buying One Of Every Cleaning Product In Case Trump Announces It’s Coronavirus Cure

EVANSTON, WY—Throwing bottles of bleach, ammonia, and Drano into a cart at his local grocery store, area man Troy Mitchell was reportedly stocking up on one of every cleaning product he could find Wednesday in case President Donald Trump announces it is a coronavirus cure. “I got toilet bowl cleaner, carpet cleaner, Swiffer WetJet refills—you name it—just so me and my family will be ready if the president announces one of these things can treat Chinese virus,” said Mitchell, indiscriminately throwing containers of laundry detergent, Scrubbing Bubbles, grout whitener, steel wool, Febreze, Tilex mold and mildew remover, and laptop screen wipes into the cart, the contents of which rang up to $2,513.67 at checkout. “I’m not getting caught without some oven degreaser should Trump say it’s going to save us, so I better go ahead and grab me a bottle. After this, I’m hitting the hardware store to pick up a 5-gallon bucket of roof sealant to make sure I’m prepared in the event that turns out to be what gets rid of the Wuhan. Could just be 10 or 20 squirts of Windex into each nostril. You never know what might work in a pinch!” At press time, neighbors confirmed Mitchell had been found unresponsive on the floor of his bathroom with several empty aerosol cans of Rust-Oleum wax-and-tar-removing solvent by his head.

https://local.theonion.com/man-just-buying-one-of-every-cleaning-product-in-case-t-1842493766/amp?__twitter_impression=true

[Thomas Hurt]

1. For all we know the fool saw this and thought it was a good idea.

[klook]

2. OMG - no prediction is too outlandish with this shite show. (nt)

[csziggy]

4. Remember this story

The Onion Gives Up
Gangster Octopus
Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)
Friday September 07, 2012 · 2:23 PM EDT

(SNARK)

(Not really a) Press Release from The Onion:

We regret to inform our faithful readers that upon seeing a video of Mitt Romney defending his omission of the troops from his speech we have decided to pack it in. Because seriously, you are running for President of the United States and you don't think it is important? You don't say that, even if you think it. Christ! We ran that by our editors as a test and they told to stop fucking around. Then we told them it was real and they cried and got into the fetal position.

The task of making outlandish shit up has becoming impossible in light of the real world outlandish shit already happening. The line has become too blurred and quite frankly we are simply not capable of shining a light on the absurdity of the world that is its own fusion reactor of iridescence.

Some may think that it was just this one thing but it wasn't. Did you know a politician made a statement with a number and everything in it and then explained himself by saying it "wasn't meant to be a factual statement?". No really that happened, we didn't make it up. Or get this, there were folks at the Republican Convention espousing how their businesses didn't get built by government, while taking governmental money to survive. Yes that also happened!

Or here's a good one that is totally true. There was a House committee hearing on contraception, that included NO WOMEN. "What?" you say, "That is clearly a lie or a joke", but it isn't. It's real...like real people did that thing.

And then there is this thing called Honey Boo Boo that quite frankly is beyond satire, it is a new pardigm.

So seriously we give up.

Anyway,thank you for your support.

https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2012/9/7/1129029/-The-Onion-Gives-Up

[klook]

7. Brilliant - thanks. (nt)

[LAS14]

9. Too true!!! Too true!!! nt

[Gothmog]

3. It is hard to do satire with trump as POTUS

[smirkymonkey]

5. This isn't the first time it's happened.

Here is just one more example, but it happens frequently...

https://politics.theonion.com/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-prosperi-1819565882

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'!

[Arkansas Granny]

6. I remember reading that one.

[LAS14]

8. Amazing! K & R