The paradox of on-line self-diagnosing.

[Aristus]

Patients will diligently scour the internet for information on whatever symptom seems to be bothering them. And they routinely come up with the most abstruse, arcane, rare diseases imaginable for which they want to be evaluated and treated.

But in all that research, they invariable miss the simple medical admonishments.

Stop smoking.

Don't drink seven Cokes a day.

Don't eat so much.

Get your vaccines.

I guarantee you, you will feel better if you follow these simple easy-to-find-on-the-internet pieces of advice.

[unblock]

1. So, six cokes and one Pepsi is ok?

[Aristus]

2. Sure, why not?

[Turbineguy]

3. When Physicians

would ask about my medical history (parents health), I would tell them, "my Mother is the reason guys like you drive Porsche's!" She spent the last 61 years of her life at death's door.

[Aristus]

4. I don't drive a Porsche, so I don't know what those guys were doing to your mother.

Last edited Thu Apr 30, 2020, 12:42 PM - Edit history (1)

I work in community health, so Porsches are not in my benefits package.

[Turbineguy]

5. Tom Lehrer used to sing about a

Doctor Samuel Gall, inventor of the gall bladder who specialized in diseases of the rich.

The Clinic I go to has no Porsche's in the parking area either. And they've kept the clinic open late to wait for x-ray results so as to send me home with good news.

[Aristus]

6. Sounds like a good clinic.

[Wounded Bear]

9. No wonder you don't drive a Porsche giving out crap advice like that...

Doctors are supposed to shut up about that shit and just give me a pill to fix it.

(did I really need that?)

[Aristus]

10. Actually, the sarcasm emoji helps.

I get some nasty replies to my medical posts sometimes. People claiming I hate my patients and enjoy seeing them suffer, that kind of thing...

[Wounded Bear]

12. I hear you, bro. You're fighting the good fight...

[Aristus]

13. Thank you.

[demmiblue]

7. And reduce your consumption of alcohol.

Also: "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants."

[Aristus]

8. The alcohol thing is the one I need to work on.

Medical providers make the worst patients...

[demmiblue]

11. They (and you) are under an incredible amount of stress right now.

People are human.

And there are going to be a shitload of medical providers who will have similar issues due to PTSD.

My heart goes out to all y'all.

[Aristus]

14. My heart aches hearing about that emergency medicine doctor and that young EMT

who committed suicide from the stress.

I have it relatively easy by comparison.

Testing seven patients yesterday for COVID-19 was the busiest it's been for me since this started.

[fleur-de-lisa]

15. Instead of seven cokes a day

can I drink seven rum and cokes?

[Aristus]

16. Yes.

Because it will make ruining your health a lot more fun...

[fleur-de-lisa]

17. Thanks!

[kairos12]

18. Put down that moon pie an step away.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

19. On-line medical "research" feeds hypochondria.

At least it does mine, so I don't go there any more. I've diagnosed myself with far too many scary diseases - even though I don't smoke, overeat or drink Coke, and I always get my vaccinations. This started when I was a kid and read my mom's nursing school textbooks, whereupon I became certain I had various ailments including but not limited to polio, dengue fever, many forms of cancer, kwakiorshor and beri-beri - until I was told not to be ridiculous; I was just fine and I should put the books away and go play outside. Since those old days the Internet has made hypochondria kind of an indoor sport.