In which I am bamboozled by an old woman at the French grocery store

[Recursion]

So I'm in the front of the line at the grocery store; it's maybe 8 people which means due to distancing it stretches most of the 20 meters of the store's depth. (This is a recent development as part of France starting to open back up -- before this week, only three people were allowed in the store at a time.) The guy in front of me finishes paying and I start to step forward when an old woman sees the empty register and sidles up to the conveyor.

Now, we all know the "oh I didn't see the line" trick. The cashier pointed her to the line extending to the end of the store and she gave me the old lady look, holding up the single pack of batteries she is buying.

I sigh. I can physically feel the moral weight of the stares of the people behind me in line at the back of my neck, but I don't know if they are "come on, bro, she's hella vielle" or "bullshit sentimentalism like this is why we're rude to you Americans". I err on the side of charity and wave her forward. It's just one pack of batteries.

She turns to the side and whistles for Loïc, who wheels over her full grocery cart. The murmuring behind me turns to howls of outrage, and I realize it was definitely the "bullshit sentimentalism" one.

I was had, but I respect the hustle.

[sprinkleeninow]

1. i woulda said, sacrebleu! hey lady no you not pulling that stunt

BACK OF THE LINE FOR YOU AND WHATSISFACE!

[Midnightwalk]

2. Why do people think that's being charitable?

Rather than forcing the other 7 people in line wait longer. There’s no way of knowing whether they had a more urgent need than the person let ahead.

Something in human nature makes us care more about the person we are physically closer to or the person we can make more direct eye contact with.

I’m not faulting you because I’m sure your motivation was good. It’s a behavior I’ve noticed in traffic as well as in lines and I’ve often wondered about that thought process. Traffic is a murkier situation because one should allow merging or allow one car enter the road from a driveway when traffic is stopped.

Is this human behavior related to how we are ok with one person being very well off (didn’t have to wait at all) at the expense of everyone else being a little poorer (several people were delayed by an extra person)?

I wonder how far back that behavior pattern goes. It would be interesting to know if there are any primate studies on topic.

Again, I don’t mean this as a criticism and I’ve done the same in the past before I started thinking more about the others involved. Can’t sleep so I decided to wonder about it “out loud”

[Recursion]

3. There are rules about letting older shoppers go ahead

We were outside of that time window but just barely.

[Midnightwalk]

4. Completely understandable didn't know that

Not that you are looking for or need my opinion.

I was also thinking after replying that letting someone who is disabled or infirm cut the line is the right thing also.

Still can’t sleep and I’m still thinking about good and bad reasons for letting someone cut the line. It’s not so much whether it is right or wrong or this case really matters. It is wondering why we seem biased to one way of seeing a situation rather than the other way.

Maybe it’s innate, or maybe some cultures are more biased to protecting the line versus helping someone you see over the line.

Maybe I should take a walk.

[frazzled]

5. One shouldn't need rules

to let old people, especially those who are “hella vielle,” go ahead. Not just in this time of pandemic, where the elderly are at especial risk, but even in normal times.

I’ve noted for some time that the accepted social norms regarding older people seem to have nearly disappeared from society. A few years back, I recall getting on a bus in New York City, and there were only a few seats left. I’d been walking the entire day, and my dogs were killing me. As the route progressed, the bus became super crowded, and no seats remained. I was in my mid sixties then, but I saw a really old lady get on, well into her eighties by the look of things. No one, I mean no one, offered her a seat. So I rose and gave her mine and struggled to grab a strap, standing. So the only person who would give an old lady a seat was another, slightly less old lady.

The same happens here in Chicago when I ride the El train. All the twenty-somethings are seated glued to their screens, while I or my spouse stand squeezed reaching for a strap or rail. We’re fine, we’re not infirm. I like to think it’s because I must look much younger. But I know that it’s really because no one cares. And on the bus, the seats reserved for elderly or disabled are generally taken by younger folk.

Surprised this attitude has spread to France.

[Recursion]

6. This is Paris. Elbows out.

Part of the thing of living in an egalitarian republic is that niceties like letting people go in front of you in line are out the window.

[frazzled]

7. I lived in Paris

But that was a million years ago, in the early 70s. It wasn’t elbows out then. You saved seats on the metro for mutiles de guerre (sorry, no accents on iPad keyboard) and femmes enceintes. You always got a “bonjour mademoiselle” or “bonjour monsieur dame,” even though we were hippies. Strict and unfamiliar rules of politesse had to be learned.

But then I tried to teach my kids, later, that you had to open doors for old people and wait to go in after them. Lotta good it did!