Welcome to DU!
The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards.
Join the community:
Create a free account
Support DU (and get rid of ads!):
Become a Star Member
Latest Breaking News
General Discussion
The DU Lounge
All Forums
Issue Forums
Culture Forums
Alliance Forums
Region Forums
Support Forums
Help & Search
Experts Warn Unemployment Rate Could Soon Rise To America Is The Greatest Country In The World
https://www.theonion.com/experts-warn-unemployment-rate-could-soon-rise-to-ameri-1843348378
WASHINGTON—Following weeks of mounting job losses amidst a worldwide pandemic, top economists in the Trump administration warned Friday that the national unemployment rate could continue its rise to the United States is the greatest country in the history of the world. “As today’s report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics indicates, our job market has reached America is truly a shining city upon a hill, a nation whose beacon light guides freedom-loving people everywhere,” White House economic adviser Kevin Hassett said as he gestured toward a graph that showed the U.S. jobless percentage climbing precipitously toward an image of Old Glory herself, which waved majestically in the wind, a halo of dazzling fireworks bursting around her stars and stripes. “This is a worrisome trajectory that may yet lead to USA! USA! USA! Our projections indicate no one can ever take away the liberty we enjoy, not so long as there are brave men and women willing to fight and die to protect it. At this rate, freedom is practically doubling overnight. We could very well see historic levels of pride dwelling in the heart of every American patriot, which makes us the strongest, bravest nation on the face of this earth. No one else even comes close. No way, no how.” Hassett concluded his statement to reporters by confirming data now showed God Bless America, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave.
WASHINGTON—Following weeks of mounting job losses amidst a worldwide pandemic, top economists in the Trump administration warned Friday that the national unemployment rate could continue its rise to the United States is the greatest country in the history of the world. “As today’s report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics indicates, our job market has reached America is truly a shining city upon a hill, a nation whose beacon light guides freedom-loving people everywhere,” White House economic adviser Kevin Hassett said as he gestured toward a graph that showed the U.S. jobless percentage climbing precipitously toward an image of Old Glory herself, which waved majestically in the wind, a halo of dazzling fireworks bursting around her stars and stripes. “This is a worrisome trajectory that may yet lead to USA! USA! USA! Our projections indicate no one can ever take away the liberty we enjoy, not so long as there are brave men and women willing to fight and die to protect it. At this rate, freedom is practically doubling overnight. We could very well see historic levels of pride dwelling in the heart of every American patriot, which makes us the strongest, bravest nation on the face of this earth. No one else even comes close. No way, no how.” Hassett concluded his statement to reporters by confirming data now showed God Bless America, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave.
American exceptionalism is doubling at the rate of glazed donuts per bald eagle. Don't forget to blame foreigners. MAGA!
1 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
