Best hitch hiker joke I have heard in years

[DFW]

Last week, while driving, I picked up a hitch hiker.

After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer?

I told him I thought that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car at the same time were probably extremely small.

[hlthe2b]

1. LOL

[Jamastiene]

2. .

That IS a good one.

[stopdiggin]

3. the look on his face ..

--- -- ---

[DFW]

4. But how do you keep a straight face while saying a line like that?

Unless, of course, you ARE a serial killer yourself, in which case, it should be no effort whatsoever....

Where is Dexter when we need him?

[hurl]

10. I did something similar once

The teenager helping me take groceries to my car was making small talk and asked what I do for a living. He playfully added, "Unless you're a serial killer... And if you are, you don't have to kill me."

I look at him and said, "You know what's funny? They ALL say that!"

[2naSalit]

5. If I were of a mind to

pick up hitchhikers, I would say something like that.

[saidsimplesimon]

6. Thanks so much, I can't stop laughing.

By the by, back in the day, I had a few nightmare quality experiences on the road.

[DFW]

8. This would have been a good line to have in reserve! n/t

[ashredux]

7. LOL...God lord, that is FUNNY

[DFW]

9. The same friend sent me a few others, but this was by far the best. n/t

[world wide wally]

11. When I was younger, I drove a taxi cab in Chicago...

I picked up a guy from Minnesota who was a Nixon supporter. All he did was yak, yak, yak and went on about Politics and blah blach blah. Of course, I was a long haired hippie but he didn't have the brains to figure out by himself that I didn't agree with him about anything he was saying.
Finally he asked me if there was a problem with drugs in Chicago.
I told him, "No... You can get anything you want. No problem"
This shut him up for the rest of the ride.

[PWPippinesq]

12. This reminds me of my silencing of a sales person for cemetery plots

I was a fairly new newlywed and certainly not considering a cemetery plot. Nonetheless, the sales person droned on. I finally got a word in and told him I wasn't interested, that when I die my husband is going to have me cremated and will be keeping my ashes on the headboard of our bed so I could keep an eye on him in perpetuity. Silence and no more phone calls.

[sheilahi]

15. Beware of flying phones

A friend of mine kept getting bothered with calls from a telemarketer selling aluminum siding. Finally, one night at dinnertime, they called again. The saleswoman droned on and on and on about all the wonderful effects aluminum siding would have on improving your home value. He listened for a long time and then said, "You know, I'm quite interested. Please tell me more". She did, on and on and on. He said "Well, I'm sold. It sounds amazing. Sign me up". She said she needed some information from him, name, phone number, address, etc. So he gave his name, a number where he could best be reached and his address. 17809 SW Lexington Avenue...…………………..apartment number 3. She never called again.

[DFW]

20. I was given a great response once

After their spiel, the thing to do say you're busy with something urgent, but ask them for their name, address and home phone number. When they ask why, tell them it's so you can call THEM at THEIR home, in the middle of THEIR dinner and annoy THEM for half an hour while their dinner gets cold.

[tblue37]

13. LOL! K&R & thanks! nt

[TomVilmer]

14. As an all life hitch hiker...

... I have always been aware, that the driver is in possession of the biggest weapon - a car.

But I am armed only with the secret weapon of two fingers. If any driver want to do me any kind of harm, I am gonna put them right into my own throat, and puke all I can. Mostly on myself and my luggage, so he want to get that smelly man out of his car .

[FailureToCommunicate]

16. That's great! I eventually stopped hitchhiking because so many of the drivers where impaired.

Maybe that's the kind who would pull over in the first place, but sheesh, a self respecting hitchhiker could get hurt.

One time, a guy was so out of it, swerving over lanes, that I said "Should I drive?" and he said SURE. He proceeded to stop, IN THE MIDDLE LANE of the Tappan Zee Bridge. I jumped into the driver seat, he slid over and promptly fell asleep. I drove his car to near where I was going, checked to see he was still sleeping peacefully, and left a scribbled thank you note on the dashboard.

[DFW]

18. Anyone who would stop a car in the middle lane of the Tappan Zee Bridge

That person already qualifies as a serial killer!

[FailureToCommunicate]

24. True. It left a big impression on me. And I *may* have left some details out when

i mentioned it to my mother later.

Same with some of the terrible nights demonstrating against tear gas (CS gas) lobbing police at antiwar rallies.

Young.
Foolish.
But learning.

[PufPuf23]

25. I hitchhiked often in my teens (67-70) before getting a DL

and vehicle. Also took a major trip from CA to Mardi Gras to DC to NYC and back across the USA to Seattle and back home to N CA when 19 mostly via thumb but also Greyhound (which also served as a place to sleep and that trip was from Feb to May so also to get out of weather).

Once when I was 16 was hitchhiking from the SF Bay Area to Humboldt county and an extremely intoxicated middle aged guy stopped and I told him he was too drunk to give me a ride. So he said good you drive. So I drove his car from by Healdsburg to Eureka and we picked up 3 more hitchers. I did not have a DL. etc. etc. The only truly bad incidences I had as a hitchhiker was with LE. That said, now is a different world.

[DFW]

26. A Dutch friend of mine once had an experience that made him love the USA forever

My wife (then girlfriend) and some German and Dutch friends had picked up a van I had rented in Boston for a cross-country road trip. I had to be in Louisiana for something, and so couldn't join them for the first part of the trip, only caught up with them in Denver on the way to San Francisco. One of my Dutch friends, somewhat cavalier about the ways of the world, had tried to get his driver's license in Holland, but failed the written part every time. He could drive just fine, just had no license.

He insisted, of course, on being allowed to drive for part of the way, but the rest were wary of letting him do so without a license. At a roadstop somewhere in New York State, he saw a cop and went up to him and explained that he was from the Netherlands, and was it OK for him to drive in the USA. The cop said sure, as a tourist, his Dutch license would be honored in the US, no problem. He said, ah, OK, oh, and what if he didn't have a Dutch license, either? The cop told him that in THAT case, he should just stick to driving on the Interstate, and he shouldn't speed. He thanked the cop profusely, and said that in Holland, he would have been arrested for even asking such a question (in California, too, probably, but no one told him that), but he said any country where he got advice like that from a cop had to be his kind of place.

[lillypaddle]

17. So, I guess you hear a LOT of hitchhiker jokes??

LOL. Yeah, it was pretty funny.

[DFW]

19. Not many, admittedly

But I thought it was too good not to pass on with an appropriate introduction.

[lillypaddle]

21. Well, it's a good serial killer joke, too.

I liked it!

[DFW]

22. I would imagine that the roster of hitchhiker jokes is greater

Greater, at least, than the roster of serial killer jokes.

But since I haven't been taking an accurate count of either, I couldn't swear to it!

[Tipperary]

23. That is a good one.

[Rhiannon12866]

27. ...

[womanofthehills]

28. Yrs ago I was on Match.com and a guy and I were emailing back and for about a week.

He told me he was writing a book and when I asked what it was about - he said “inside the mind of a serial killer”. I actually cancelled my membership that day.

[DFW]

30. If you weren't sure whether or not it was an autobiography

Then you did the right thing.

[denbot]

29. BaZinga!

Nice one.

[Marthe48]

31. Alice Cooper has a radio show

He just told this joke one evening last week! lol

[DFW]

33. I'll bet that's where my friend in the States got it

He doesn't spend his days sitting around thinking them up, that's for sure.

[malthaussen]

32. Sweet Hitchhiker...

-- Mal

[DFW]

34. I must say....

I have never seen a LESS likely group of serial killers in my life............

[malthaussen]

38. Tru, dat...

... but I'd pick any of 'em up anytime.

-- Mal

[SWBTATTReg]

35. Ha ha heh...thanks for the good joke!!

[Matt Finnish]

36. In the 1920's My Dad worked for a funeral home

In the mid twenties my Dad worked for a funeral home. One of his jobs was to transport bodies. One night he and the funeral director were returning from downstate after delivering a body to another funeral home. The funeral director said he was exhausted and decided to crawl into the back of the now empty hearse and sleep for a while. Some miles down the road Dad saw a soldier hitchhiking so he stopped and the soldier wasn't too sure about his transportation option.

Dad said "Get in, we're not carrying any dead people."

The soldier got in and after a while he fell asleep. Dad saw a roadside restaurant up ahead, so he decided to stretch his legs a bit and go inside and have a cup of coffee. The soldier woke up and seeing Dad sitting at the counter of the restaurant proceeded to try to fall asleep.

Just then the funeral director stuck his head through the curtain behind the front seat and said, "He's inside getting some coffee."

That soldier grabbed his duffle bag, opened the door and ran, disappearing into the night,

[Swede]

37. This was kinda the theme of a Masters of Horror episode.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0643110/reviews

[Brother Buzz]

39. What do you say to a one-legged hitch hiker?

Hop in.

[Upthevibe]

40. That is a good one....

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