know any good buddhist jokes?

[mopinko]

here's the best joke in the english language-

a buddhist nun walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one w everything"

part 2

the nun hands the man a fiver for the $1 dog, but the man turns to the next customer.
"where's my change?" she says
he-"change comes from within."

part one has so many levels-
is there a more humble feeder of people that a person w a hot dog cart?
what are hot dogs made of? lips and assholes. except that the best one are made of beef brisket, aka cow bellies.
what is the first meat most people feed babies? tiny hot dogs.

my first kid and i had some lean times where we lived on the blue box mac and cheese w cheap hot dogs.
olives were good, but she wasnt much of a fan.

so, anybody?

[First Speaker]

1. Buddha, Muhammad and Jesus walk into a bar...

...Muhammad says, "no alcohol for me, of course! I'll have a water." Jesus says, "I'll have some water, too. I need the exercise." Buddha looks calmly at his glass and says: "Water for me, too. But do I want it half-empty, or half-full?"

[mopinko]

2. good one.

thank you.

[diva77]

3. I googled a Buddha joke for you:

Buddha sits under the christmas tree..
"I am present"

[mopinko]

4. good one.

cheating, tho to google, right?
i mean, arent half the threads in here titled- no googling?

[diva77]

5. Well, at least I learned something about Buddhism from my google search for a Buddha joke

[mopinko]

10. i didnt know i was a buddhist until recently.

never had a faith of any kind. including in people.
but i had one too many buddhist friends see it in my face, saw it in their face. then someone of no particular faith, but w a dd, said it out loud. i had to take the word then.

i am working on joining a zen temple.

[Amy-Strange]

6. A Buddhist walks into a bar...

-

and that's the whole joke.
==========

[mopinko]

11. why is that funny?

[Amy-Strange]

15. It's not really, but...

-

when was the last time you saw a Buddhist go into a bar?
============

[Amy-Strange]

7. Buddhism is not a joke...

-

but I know a couple Buddhist who do really great stand up comedy, while setting themselves on fire...

I know, that's horrible, but isn't that what comedy really is?

Just tragedy plus a little time, and with that in mind, how about this:

A Buddhist walks into a bar, and the bartender ask him what wants.

"Nothing really," he answers, "but you wouldn't happen to have a pack of matches I could borrow?"
===========

[mopinko]

9. this isnt a joke. i recently met a clown.

bit o background that i am a clown. during my years as a mom, a captive person, really, i kept a clown suit in a bag in my closet. my escape plan.
i had a lot of pets, including 2 little rat terrier sisters, rags and socks. no one could tell them apart but me. i knew i could go to any park, teach them tricks, put out the hat and at least eat.
i did balloon animals, too. great use of my spendy education.

so, i recently met a ringling trained clown, who had been in the big show.
he has ms now, and i asked if that was why he was no longer a paid clown. he said- that and the ptsd i got from being set on fire every night.
everyone calls him duck, but his clown name is verbal.
is that a great name, or what?

so, i told him about the first time i put on the costume, and the last.

the first was in high school, where i dressed up to pull in cars for a car wash for my school. none of the rich bitches i went to school w even recognized me, but for the first time they saw me as a good, worthwhile person. cuz of course they did. i was bringing in dollars for THEIR education, which they didnt even need.

the last time was a kinda long story, but the short version is that i went to my only pride parade the year we got marriage equality.
i was supposed to be on the first float. my state rep was the lead, and she invited me.
but i was late getting there. not that far behind, but...
so i got out into the street, and started trucking after the float.

i had on my rainbow clown wig, tie dye socks, a pair of cut off overalls and work boots. i am a farmer.
as i trucked along, i passed jan schakowsky's people. my true leader. they were passing out her trademark 'jan fan' cardboard fans.
so i had my costume, i had a prop, and it was a hot day, so as i went along the sidelines, i was fanning people.
magic day. hugging the mom's there who had signs for all the queer kids whose families didnt love them. those ladies got big hugs.

i said to duck- et voila, i was a clown again.
he looked me in the face and said- you are a clown.
and so i am.

my da was one of the best story/joke tellers i have ever known, and i am my father's daughter.
i make people laugh everyday.

so, if you have a link to any of these funny people, i would love that.

[Amy-Strange]

16. Good story, and...

-

the reason for the big hugs is awesome.
==========

[mopinko]

17. when this man walked into my house for the first time,

my guardian extraordinaire, 110# of protection, radar, stood up and offered a perfectly gentle bear hug, and he looked up at me and said- who is this magnificent beast?
me- you must be duck.

[Brother Buzz]

8. Yes and no

That's the joke.

When I was having a real shitty day in the shop I asked, "Is there any meaning to life?"

My Zen Buddhist coworker responded with a sly smile, "Yes and no."

We both broke out laughing, and my day suddenly got better.

[mopinko]

12. oh brother.

imma use that one, ferrealz.
you win this thread.

[BluesRunTheGame]

13. The Dalai Lama walks in to a pizza shop...

[mopinko]

14. egad. that is hilarious.

that's because the joke is about hot dogs.

[Niagara]

18. Off topic.

Did you find that cat yet, mopinko?

[mopinko]

19. thanks for reminding me. yes.

didnt see her for 3 days, but saw her out yesterday.
havent seen her since, so maybe she learned a lesson.

seemed fine from across the street, but didnt inquire cuz, yeah, freaks....

[whistler162]

20. Remember if you tell a bad one you will

come back as a ant!

[mopinko]

21. ants are good. i say

if you fuck up, you come back as a bacteria that lives in shit.
if you arent too bad, you come back as lactobacillus.
if you are evil, you come back as c-diff.