FLORIDA FISHERMAN LOST AT SEA FOR 14 DAYS CLAIMS HE WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY MERMAIDS

[Sancho]

https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/florida-fisherman-lost-at-sea-for-14-days-claims-he-was-sexually-assaulted-by-mermaids/

Alvin McCallister, 72, was found on a small rocky islet 200 miles off the nearest coastline where he shipwrecked two weeks ago and managed to survive off of several seagulls, mussels, and urchins.

McCallister, for whom doctors do not fear for his life, was found suffering from intense hallucinations possibly caused by dehydration and the toxins of unidentified mussels he consumed on the small islet.

“Although Mr. McCallister does present abnormal injuries and inflammation to the genital and anal area, it is highly unlikely that he was sexually exploited or sodomized by living sea creatures and these are possibly self-inflicted” explained one medical expert.

Although McCallister’s mental state is presently unstable, doctors believe he should heal completely in the weeks to come after his body has expurgated the dangerous levels of toxins he has been exposed to.

....living in Florida is at least entertaining....

[soothsayer]

1. Why not. It's 2020 after all.

[Baitball Blogger]

2. Those hallucinations probably kept him alive.

[Laelth]

3. Wow! That's a story.

I suppose the moral is ... don’t drink salt-water.



-Laelth

[Boxerfan]

4. The mermaids must be desperate....

Or just really PO'd at the legged ones for dumping so much crap in the ocean.

I smell movie rights....

[lagomorph777]

11. Nah - Tom Hanks and Darrly Hannah already did that movie.

[Chainfire]

5. I am going to buy me a boat!

[padah513]

6. I believe him

If Trump can become President, then anything is possible.

[LuckyCharms]

7. does present abnormal injuries and inflammation to the genital and anal area.

When that happens to me, it's usually because of the mermaids.

Fucking mermaids.

[Sancho]

8. I just wondered where they found a medical expert on sex with sea creatures...

[csziggy]

9. Oh! This is World Nut Daily!

Other stories in the sidebar:

D.C.: White woman brutally arrested in her own home after being mistaken for a black looter (Hint: It's the lady who tanned herself into a very very dark skin color)

Detroit: Rabid prostitute shot dead by police, autopsy reveals 12 chewed off penises in her stomach

Cannibal killer slaughtered and ate 23 pizza delivery men, 6 Jehovah witnesses, 2 postmen in past 7 years

Texas man admits kidnapping 79 people to anally probe them while disguised as an alien


I guess something had to take the place of the National Enquirer!

[Ron Obvious]

10. Oh, the huge manatee.... n/t

[Yavin4]

13. I shouldn't laugh at that.

But I am.

[milestogo]

12. In his dreams.