Does anyone on DU know anything about funeral etiquette regarding floral arrangements?

[fleur-de-lisa]

An extended family member died over the weekend. I called a local florist (this was in Mississippi) and the owner, a man, told me that it was customary to add color to an arrangement for a gentleman. I told him to use his judgement since I am no expert. Only immediate family members attended due to the pandemic so I didnt' see it in person.

Several family members contacted me and thanked me for the arrangement. The daughter of the decedent sent me a very warm thank you email and attached a photo of the arrangement. To my shock, it was filled with vibrant colored flowers. I mean vivid red, yellow and purple blooms.

When he said he would "add color" I thought the florist meant the flowers would mostly be white with some pastels here and there. Is this a thing? Has anyone ever heard of this?

[In_The_Wind]

1. It sounds lovely. Celebrating beauty of life together.

I know nothing of funeral etiquette.

I am sorry for your loss.

May he rest in everlasting peace

[Karadeniz]

2. Sounds great! The only thing I've heard is to not give a live, potted plant because it could be

Around for years, reminding people of a sad day.

[MrsMatt]

8. As a recpient of numerous potted plants from my parents' wakes

I disagree.

Having a living plant keeps a connection with the deceased.

My sister has a plant from 30+ years ago when our mother died; I have a plant from 15 years ago (father's wake).

They are viewed as legacies from our parents.

YMMV.

[The Genealogist]

3. Not sure what kind of flowers they were, but...

this time of year mums are a thing, and are often associated with funerals.

If you want to know the truth, I hope when I die and if there is a funeral, that there will be bright colored flowers. I also hope that people laugh through tears as they tell stupid stories about me.

[fleur-de-lisa]

6. It was a pretty large spray with sunflowers

(I think 'Here Comes the Sun' variety based on deep color and small size of the blooms), red roses, purple statice, red carnations, something orange (maybe died carnations?) and a huge red bow.

It was stunningly beautiful and the florist did a great job. I wouldn't have minded a bit if someone sent this arrangement to a relative of mine, but . . . Mississippi. I grew up there, still have relatives there, and I can tell ya, it is profoundly backward.

The lovely man who died was a high-ranking officer when he was in the military and owned a prominent law office until he retired. Also a devout Catholic.

One family member told me everyone was talking about the arrangement. Then the daughter thanked me and said she appreciated it. So I just don't know what to think. I just hope it was appropriate since he was such a wonderful man (and a Democrat!) and the family members are pretty great too. I would feel awful if anyone was offended.

[Glorfindel]

14. I'm a native Georgian who lived in Mississippi for 18 years

Your floral offering was perfectly appropriate and, I'm sure, greatly appreciated.

[vlyons]

4. It's the thought that counts

Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You got a nice than-you note. So the daughter probably thought your flowers were lovely. You might call the mortuary and ask them what flower colors are traditional for a man, if you're still curious.

[msongs]

5. it's customary do things that make more $$ for the florist. otherwise its all up to you nt

[Alliepoo]

7. I've never heard of the color added for gentlemen,

But I’ve been to a whole big bunch of funerals thru the years. I’ve seen a lot of floral arrangements with vibrant, bright flowers. Nothing at all wrong with that!! It sounds like your flowers were beautiful.

[fleur-de-lisa]

10. Thanks!

That makes me feel better. I’ve never really paid attention before.

[LisaL]

9. If the family members thought it was in bad taste, seems unlikely they would have been contacting

you and thanking you.

[Kali]

11. I have seen lots of colors at funerals

in fact the predominantly white arrangements are rare (I like them, though)

[fleur-de-lisa]

12. Thank you.

I need to pay better attention.

[Kali]

13. I found this

https://www.legacy.com/advice/sympathy-flower-sending-etiquette/

Is it okay to send bright and colorful flowers?

White flowers are certainly more common at funerals than brightly colored ones, but that doesn’t mean there’s no place for color in a funeral arrangement. Red roses and carnations are commonly seen, as well as pink orchids, blue forget-me-nots, purple tulips, and others. It’s typically best to use bright colors sparingly in an arrangement, rather than sending a riot of yellows and oranges that may end up feeling too cheerful for the somber occasion.

I don't necessarily agree, though personally I like the traditional approach if that makes sense. It depends on the people and circumstances.

[fleur-de-lisa]

15. Ha. 'Riot.' That's exactly what it looked like.

I described it to a friend as a ‘riot of color.’

[TomSlick]

16. I'm in Arkansas, so the etiquette cannot be significantly different.

It sounds completely appropriate to me.