got any good irish jokes?

[mopinko]

i'll start-

what's irish and stays out all night?





paddy o'furniture.


planning a trip over there, and learning the drinking songs, and the rebel songs, so the jokes are the next logical step.

tracing my tree and having a blast. going to get my dual citizenship first. entitled on both sides. but after looking up the names from the rebel songs, i think i could test in.
now if we can get this plague under control on both side, i can start shopping for plane tickets.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

1. Who are the Irish that use single-ply toilet paper?

A: The Scott's-Irish.

[mopinko]

2. oh dang. i resemble that joke.

true fact.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

3. Lol! TMI: I made it up while in the restroom...

... a few minutes ago.

[mopinko]

6. lol. well, can you think that fast on your feet?

or do you have to be sitting on your arse to come up w jokes?

[Buckeye_Democrat]

7. Some of my best thinking happens while on the toilet.

[mitch96]

4. What part are you going to? I've been there two times and I love the place and I'm not Irish!!

I bang around mostly on the "wild" west coast. I've got friends in the Sligo area. Since I did not go the first time this last go I took the train to Dublin and visited the Guinness brewery. A real treat. Ireland is small. About the size if Indiana. From Sligo in the west to Dublin in the east it was only a 3 hour trip. Met some wonderful people and had great conversations.. Hitting the pubs is a grand time. Music everywhere. I also liked the fresh food. I'm not a fan of mutton/lamb and sheep but they can dress it up so even I like it. Seafood abounds.
Where I was staying if we all went out to eat and drink we took a cab. No driving and drinking. At closing time all the pubs had lines of cabs taking the revelers home.. smart. Then again the roads are so narrow a drunk could kill him self!! Speaking of roads get the smallest car you can find.. A Mini would do fine. I had a small SUV (three of us) and it was too big for the roads. Not many "super highways" in the west. Everything looks like a paved back road..
Did I tell you the people are great? They are very well educated hansom people.. I want to go back again after this insanity is over.. Sláinte!
m

[mopinko]

5. well, kinnity castle will be home base.

my grandpa, who came here as a kid, was born in kinnity. the old castle is a b&b. haunted i am told.

but i plan to look up as much of the family history as i can. my mam's side is from mayo. and i think i am descended from michael dwyer, the irish hero, so i need to get to tipperary.
i have friends in dublin, and a cousin in wiklow. so, yeah, gonna put some miles on the car.

i was never that interested in going to australia, as it is so racist. i had a bf that moved there cuz it was 'the last bastion of white men' but there are a ton of dwyers there, and they have family reunions from time to time. so, that is on the long term itinerary.
that is how i made the link- michael was sent to botany bay. not in chains, because he negotiated his deportation. but i kept finding aussie cousins. havent got the begats nailed down, but pretty sure he is a ggggreat uncle or so. he had sibs that stayed in ireland.

have a couple of threads in genealogy about it all.

[mitch96]

8. People from Mayo are VERY proud of their county.. As they say there is Mayo and then the "other"

Heavy duty into sports from a young age. Gaelic football, Soccer (football) and rugby are said to teach the kids teamwork and being proud of what they do. This all explained to me over a few pints in a pub. Good stuff..
m

[mopinko]

9. a ballad that gets me teary-

[yankeepants]

13. My grandfather was from Balinah, County Mayo.

[mopinko]

10. c'mon ppl.

i know y'all know some paddy jokes.

[Mr.Bill]

11. Why do the Irish fight with each other?

Because there is no other worthy adversary.


God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

[mopinko]

12. both true.

smiling.

[North Shore Chicago]

14. .....

Irish I had a joke, but alas no.

[mopinko]

15. ok neighbor.

(i'm in rogers park)

i guess ethnic jokes arent funny any more.
but, i mean, we invented jokes.
maybe i shoulda asked for limricks.

[North Shore Chicago]

16. When we

were kids, Polish jokes were all the rage.

Hi Neighbor!

[mopinko]

17. my late FIL was polish.

i could do polish jokes all day. he knew them all.

[SCantiGOP]

18. What is foreplay to an Irishman?

"Brace yourself, Bridgette."

[mopinko]

27. works a tad better w the gaelic name-

brace yourself brigid.
right?

[bluecollar2]

19. Irishman walks out of a bar....

What?

It could happen....

[mopinko]

20. well, sure.

after closing. or w a new love.

[Harker]

21. While having a seven course Irish dinner...

(a six-pack and a potato), Padraig asks Sean: "Sean, my friend - when I die, will you do me the honor of pouring a bottle of fine Irish whiskey over my grave?" Sean thinks it through, and replies, "of course I will, my dearest friend... ehhh... you'll not mind, naturally, my passing it through my body first?"

[mopinko]

22. lol.

i'm hanging on to that one in case i am ever asked.

[Harker]

24. The Irish dinner preamble (a stand alone joke)

got me a cold, hard stare from my old man, an alcoholic of Irish ancestry.

[mopinko]

25. care to share?

[Harker]

28. Well...

he didn't appreciate Bob Dole jokes much, either.

He was Irish when it suited him, and a narcissist by nature. He knew, as many do, how to imitate love and feign concern for others' feelings.

I loved him. I hated him.

The passing years have given me a bit of wisdom, by which I have come to soften my views of him. Born the year before the crash of '29... his mother died of cancer when he was but a lad... brought up by a bitter, one-armed man...

Still, we are all what we make ourselves to be moreso, maybe, than what we think we are.

[mopinko]

30. well, i meant the dinner preamble, but yeah.

no hard ass like an irish hard ass.

[Harker]

32. Heh.

There it is, in a nutshell.

[mopinko]

34. i mean, mine is downright bony.

at least we predictable.

[Harker]

35. That we are.

[mopinko]

23. why paddy's not at work today.

[mopinko]

26. what's an irish love triangle?

a man, a woman and a bottle.

[Harker]

33. Or a man and two bottles. n/t

[benld74]

29. Why are Irish jokes so simple

So the English can understand them

[mopinko]

31. lol. good one.

been listening to rebel songs. boy, some good ones.