A dung beetle walks into a bar...

[Enterstageleft]

is this stool taken?

[Blue Owl]

1. D'oh!

[left-of-center2012]

2. I used to work at a place in San Diego years ago.

It was in a partially residential neighborhood and there was a car often parked out front on the street with a bumper sticker that read:

"I sat on a stool in Las Vegas"

It always cracked me up no matter how many times I saw it.

[abqtommy]

3. K&R

[panader0]

4. A very drunk man wandered into a Catholic church and entered the confessional.

The priest saw him and decided to give him a few moments to collect himself.
After a bit he asked "And now my son, how may I help you?"
The drunk said "Hey buddy, you got any toilet paper on your side?"

[edbermac]

5. I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.