The Philosophy of Phyllis Diller

[Pluvious]

American Humor from the previous century

She was one funny lady
Kinna a lady version of Rodney Dangerfield...

As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

-Phyllis Diller


Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

-Phyllis Diller


Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

-Phyllis Diller


The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

- Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

-Phyllis Diller



A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

- Phyllis Diller



I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

-Phyllis Diller



Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

-Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

-Phyllis Diller



We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

-Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Phyllis Diller



What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

- Phyllis Diller



The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally put gin in the steam iron.

-Phyllis Diller



Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

-Phyllis Diller



My photographs don't do me justice -they look just like me.

-Phyllis Diller



Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.

-Phyllis Diller



I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

-Phyllis Diller



The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

-Phyllis Diller



You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Phyllis Diller

[BlueSky3]

1. Thank you

for these. I’d forgotten how funny she was.

[empedocles]

2. Still good

[tblue37]

3. K&R and thanks. nt

[hay rick]

4. An original. K&R

[customerserviceguy]

5. A classy lady

with some classic comedy. She is missed.

[UTUSN]

6. She was her own success but also credited "The Magic of Believing" - a motivational item

*******QUOTE******

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/968009.The_Magic_of_Believing

The Magic of Believing
by Claude M. Bristol

4.24 · Rating details · 4,432 ratings · 206 reviews
MILLIONS OF READERS HAVE PROVED THAT THE MAGIC OF BELIEVING WORKS WONDERS! For more than four decades success-oriented Americans have turned to the no-nonsense, time-tested motivational techniques described in The Magic of Believing to achieve all their long- and short-term goals: a better job, an increased income, a happier marriage, or simply a good night's sleep. Now it's your turn to put Claude M. Bristol's special "magic" into your life and into action!

His tough-minded, hard-hitting message speaks directly to You. It has yielded proven results for forty years and remains as fresh and focused as ever. Learn how to:

* Harness the unlimited power of the subconscious mind and make your dreams come true

* Protect your thoughts and turn them into achievements

* Use "the law of suggestion" to step up your effectiveness in everything you do

* Apply the power of your imagination to overcome obstacles

* And much more!

If you seek to become more assertive in business, more fulfilled at home, more influential in your dealings with others -- you can believe in MAGIC! (less)

*********UNQUOTE*******

[zanana1]

7. I really enjoyed that. Thanks!

[Blue Owl]

8. Those are some hilarious one-liners!

[rickyhall]

9. I'd love to know what she, Rickles & Carlin would say about Trump.