The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsI'm so stressed from noisy neighbor.
I live in a small apt in big city.
I have rent control so I doubt I will find anything this affordable here. Ill will have to move out of here, its too much bad for my health, never really being able to relax, anxiety...
It can go on 16 hours at a time of what sounds like I dont know what. Thudding, dropping stuff sounds. And recently, for weeks on end.
I doubt the upstairs person will change. The building management doesnt help.
I have decided I need to move and Im thinking buying a small house to live in might be a better situation. At least they wouldnt be right on top of me.
Im thinking North Carolina, college town.
Right now its difficult to find much because low interest rates, and folks fleeing cities.
And I dont want to travel until I get a shot.
I know you can have neighbor problems in a house too. As Im reading on DU.
Im really asking if any of you have any suggestions, either places to move to or really anything.
I would love to move somewhere rural, nature, but Im getting kind of older, and probably need to be near good medical facilities.
Some days its just too much for me here.
Thanks.
lunasun
(21,646 posts)Jetheels
(991 posts)ret5hd
(20,491 posts)Jetheels
(991 posts)ret5hd
(20,491 posts)This guy, an audio engineer, in your situation built a system that echoed every bang/thump/etc back through speakers that he had pushed up against his ceiling.
I cant find it now, but you get the idea.
Unfortunately sending the noise back wouldnt work in my apt because the kind of noise Im dealing with is impact noise. Theres concrete between us, not enough evidently. I cant hear any talking, music, that kind of thing, only sound thats transmitted by objects falling to the floor. I could play the loudest music, or scream as loud as possible, they would not hear a peep, since its this other frequency of noise, impact noise.
I know Im not alone in this despair. Many people have this problem. As well as animals.
The poor sea creatures are dealing with a lot of noise pollution, from machines in the ocean, boats, etc, and water is a good transmitter of sound Ive read.
fierywoman
(7,683 posts)changed nothing. (Once she asked to hear what it sounded like in my apt., so I brought her in -- she listened for a moment and said, "Oh, you're too sensitive!" -- she was a member of the Agape church in LA at the time, so she clearly knew what she was talking about )
I finally googled white magic solution and did a ritual which involved putting a mirror facing her apt against the wall. Soon the noise stopped. I found out later that she'd become pregnant (very sketchy relationship) and because of the baby, couldn't keep living the way she had.
This whole story was w-a-y to weird to make it up. You have my complete sympathy.
Jetheels
(991 posts)Ill look up that mirror ritual thing.
I_UndergroundPanther
(12,463 posts)To get the neighbor to move out. Combine it with a hot foot spell and that neighbor would move out quick.
Wicked Blue
(5,832 posts)with the bristles pointed toward their bedroom. Let the broom stay there except when using it.
Jetheels
(991 posts)Jetheels
(991 posts)But I dont know how to perform spells.
Rarely does anyone move out of this rent controlled building, unless they have to move cause they want and can afford to be in a place with elder care type services, like meals, etc.
I dont necessarily want them to move out, but rather be more mindful of their noise and its effects on others. Unfortunately most people tend to feel like they have the right to do whatever they want in their home. Which is true but, we live among other people, and very closely in city apts.
fierywoman
(7,683 posts)blessed silence.
Spells are like lighting a candle and making a wish -- could be far more involved and complicated, but not always! Try to keep it at the place of something like: for the good of all -- that way you veer away from negative energy.
Jetheels
(991 posts)Chainfire
(17,536 posts)You can have either, but not both. I chose rural. Nearest ER is 12 miles, nearest hospital nearly 40 miles. Grocery store 12 miles, good grocery store 25 miles, police 10 miles, but I can't see or hear my nearest neighbors.
Jetheels
(991 posts)Ive visited friends who have country homes. One thing that kinda freaked me out was always the distant sound of target practice or maybe it was deer season.
Your lucky you cant see or hear neighbors. I would like that.
I enjoy quiet. It makes me feel safe.
I might have better health/ need less medical whatever if I had a quieter living situ.
Claire Oh Nette
(2,636 posts)Weaverville-Asheville-Hendersonville-Flat Rock-Etowah-Brevard.
UNC/Pardee and Mission Heart Center.
Jetheels
(991 posts)Claire Oh Nette
(2,636 posts)big cites, lots of suburbs.
Asheville area is a nice blend. Very Metrolachian.
Jetheels
(991 posts)mnhtnbb
(31,386 posts)Don't know what your budget is, but the Triangle area has excellent medical care due to both Duke, UNC, and a VA hospital being here. Housing is in short supply, but if you are interested in a smaller place with land and don't care about schools, you might be able to find something you'd like. You might want to look at surrounding counties--like Chatham or Person-- for lower priced real estate and aren't much farther from good health care than either Orange, Durham, or Wake Counties.
Jetheels
(991 posts)Ill look into Chatham and Person.
Im hoping to travel there after vaccinated.
These days homes go under contract within 3 days being on market.
Before pandemic theyd be on the market for months, as you must know.
mnhtnbb
(31,386 posts)Housing prices have really exploded in the whole Triangle area. I had been looking--on and off--back in Chapel Hill and couldn't find anything I wanted to live in that I could afford. Sort of gave up at the end of 2019 and decided I'd move higher up in my downtown building (for the view) and just continue to rent. I walked everywhere: to the ballet, the symphony, the post office, lots of wonderful restaurants, a branch library...sometimes I didn't use my car for over a week. Then COVID. Immediately my downtown lifestyle became nothing and my risk was accelerated by the fact I had to ride the elevator up and down 17 floors every time I wanted to go out. I still had my dog, too, and she had to go out at least 4-5 times/day. I felt like I was playing Russian roulette every time I got on the elevator.
I really thought we were in for a paradigm shift in lifestyle and that we'd be living with this coronavirus for at least a couple of years even if a vaccine was developed right away. So I decided to rethink buying a house and ended up plunking down my money last April for a lot in a new development where I could choose the floor plan and make design choices. The house was finished right before Christmas and I moved in on January 6th. I'm closer to Chapel Hill--and my oldest son is literally 10 minutes away--but I have to drive to everything. I'm not going to be going back to sitting in a theatre or a restaurant anytime soon, even though I have had my first vax (Moderna) and will get the second on March 15th. I figure it's going to be at least another year--and maybe longer if the vaccine doesn't protect against variant strains--before I will feel comfortable being in an enclosed space with a lot of people. It really has totally changed my retirement and how I saw living out the rest of my life. And travel? No. Not now and maybe not for a very long time.
If you're like I am--googling houses for sale in various areas--keep an eye on all the counties: Durham, Orange, Wake, Chatham, and Person. You are correct, though, houses will go under contract in the blink of an eye and multiple offers are fairly common.
Good luck!
multigraincracker
(32,675 posts)I try to find small college towns and that has worked out great for me.
Good luck
Jetheels
(991 posts)multigraincracker
(32,675 posts)and go to a UU church. You can be any religion there or none at all, but usually college professors and old hippies. Doesn't take long to end up with lots of friends.
Jetheels
(991 posts)multigraincracker
(32,675 posts)the love of my life back from Ohio. Met her at a UU church in Ohio.
TexasBushwhacker
(20,185 posts)to make you move out so they can raise the rent.
Jetheels
(991 posts)But you are right in a way as its better for building management to not help me, and have a new tenant move in and they can up the rent.
Its possible they put me here so Id move out. Who knows.
tblue37
(65,340 posts)college town. You should look for something like that. They are inexpensive places to live, too.
Jetheels
(991 posts)skypilot
(8,853 posts)There is a woman who lives in the apartment above me with her daughter. She also has her boyfriend living with them and I am pretty sure our landlord does not know about that. It is a one bedroom apartment. The noise doesn't go on for as long as it used to but I have still never heard so much clomping, thumping, and things dropping on the floor anywhere else that I have ever lived, including in my current apartment before they moved in. I have slipped notes under her door and spoken to our landlord about it. I have even spoken to her face to face and she plays dumb. I can't stand her. For a time last year, before Covid I would hear almost nonstop noise from 5:30pm when I got home from work until after 11:00pm when I would have to start knocking on the ceiling. It hasn't been that bad lately but they are still annoying as fuck. It sometimes goes strangely quiet for hours at a time and then suddenly the clomping and thumping and dropping stuff will start up with a vengeance. Also, they are ALWAYS dragging their furniture around. I hear what sounds like a heavy table being dragged across the floor at some point almost every day. They are also very heavy-footed when they walk. It is quiet at the moment but any minute now...
Jetheels
(991 posts)I can relate to the any minute now...
It sucks when your home is not your home.
I wish we get better living conditions.
R B Garr
(16,950 posts)into for now? Transferring units would get you out from under the noisy neighbor and keep you in the same building until you figure out where you want to relocate.
Jetheels
(991 posts)I have emailed management to see what their response is about all this.
The only thing theyve offered is a decibel meter to idk, record noise I guess.
It is in my back pocket though to at some point to ask for another apt, on the top floor, permanently or temporarily. Very difficult though to get the better apts. I dont get involved in all the political games that go on in the building.
Thanks for your suggestion.
SleeplessinSoCal
(9,112 posts)I had a studio apartment on the Upper West Side in NYC for 22 years. Ideal location. My downstairs neighbor stripped insulation in order to give himself more height and the noise problem had to go both ways. We got the city in to help. Also neighbors on one side had weekend parties going to 4:00 am. I would turn my speaker to the wall and blast Wagner around 7 am.
We were also rent controlled via rent stabilization and able to save money to move at the exact right time. We headed to California, (right back where I started from).
Jetheels
(991 posts)Its been going on almost 2 years, but always intermittently. This recent episode of noise has been every day over a month. Its when you dont get a brake from it when it becomes intolerable. It can be 16 hours a day of it. It seems like this just is the way they are now. Its not my first time having this problem either. But Im getting older and I have less tolerance for this kind of thing. I just want to get my vaccinations and move out of here. Where to I dont really know.
Autonomous 2021
(14 posts)I think rural area is a good idea for you. It will help you relax!
Jetheels
(991 posts)A friend that lives nearby may have to move soon too, his rent just went up 800$.
Fla Dem
(23,656 posts)Try to get a top floor apt, then you wouldnt have to deal with an apt over you.
Newer buildings are better constructed for the most part in terms of sound proofing.
Buying a house has its own issues. You are totally responsible for all upkeep; plumbing, electrical, yard work, etc, also property taxes. You also have no idea how nice or disruptive your neighbors may be until you move in. Im sure youre fully aware of these issues and youll take everything into consideration.
Both options have their risks and advantages. Im sure youre weighing both carefully.
Jetheels
(991 posts)floors. Theres a lot of issues to weigh. Presently complicated even further by the pandemic.
I may not be able to find another place for awhile. I havent driven a car in decades but my drivers license is good and Im willing to give up living in a walkable environment to a location that would afford more quiet. But yeah, you could have disrespectful neighbors even living in a house. Moving is complicated.
CountAllVotes
(20,868 posts)It was wearing me out and I was sick all of the time.
I finally got so sick of it I left.
HOWEVER, I found a place to rent first and then proceeded.
No regrets.
I did this in 1991.
If I was still in S.F. I'd be likely on the streets. I could not afford $3K a month for a one bedroom apt.
I don't blame you one bit and I know all abt. those white noise machines unfortunately. That is how bad it was.
Take care.
Jetheels
(991 posts)Yeah, people have said to rent somewhere before you move there, to make sure you like the area.
I would love to live in SF in one of those pastel colored houses with bay windows, but too expensive.
CountAllVotes
(20,868 posts)Some old natives -- they don't want to live there anymore.
They want to move but do not know where to go.
They have a house which is a huge plus.
They also have two dogs.
It is difficult to find rentals that take pets.
As for S.F., it has changed a lot since I left. I won't be moving back there.
I do miss it at times but in hindsight I know I did the right thing. I live north of there now in an area I was already familiar with.
Just glad I got out when I could.
The neighbor in back of me is selling out and moving into a trailer. I would never do that after renting for 30+ years!
I hope you find a solution and I sure can commiserate with you.
Jetheels
(991 posts)I think in Point Reyes. It was one of the most beautiful places Ive been to.
CountAllVotes
(20,868 posts)And yes, it is beautiful there!
Skittles
(153,160 posts)sometimes people don't know how loud they are or how poorly insulated apartments can be
Jetheels
(991 posts)in a half dozen ways that made zero sense. But it did calm down. For awhile. Then the noise ramped up over the months. Im able to deal with some noise but recently its gotten to be most days, and throughout the day. Ive been apt living for years. Its almost always been this problem. I have gotten to my limit. I cant deal with it anymore. Im older now to theres no real draw for me to stay in this city. I know every ear plug on the market and decibel ratings. I know every noise cancelling headphones there are and own several. I recently emailed the neighbor and I thought it maybe helped but then it started up another 2 days in a row continuously. Ive notified management Im probably moving as soon as I find something. Im just done with trying to get anyone to consider what its like here. At this point even if the jarring noise stopped completely I still have to move. I cannot rely on someone else to be respectful. Its asking too much. In my experience, people in apts above could care less how much noise they make. They point the finger at the person complaining. But of course, if its someone above them making the noise theyre the first to throw a tantrum.
Phentex
(16,334 posts)find a very inconspicuous place to hide a message for the new renters. All it should say is "I moved out because of the noise above". Put it some place where they will find it but not on first inspection.
RandiFan1290
(6,232 posts)Jetheels
(991 posts)pouring out onto the floor. Idk, Im watching, listening to my own noise, asking when was the last time I dropped something? The small plastic half empty plant sprayer 4 days ago, once every other month, the broom fell down a week ago. I dont get how a person can be making so much noise.
skypilot
(8,853 posts)These ARE my upstairs neighbors. They even LOOK like them. The only difference is that there is also a 12 year old girl up there.
On edit: I could have posted about 90% of the Youtube comments that come after this video.
Jetheels
(991 posts)I had an even worse apt than the present one. Not only the upstairs family of four, in a two bedroom apt, but also the downstairs neighbors were really loud too, their music would get so loud our paintings would fall of the walls. They said it was loud because the volume knob on their stereo was broken. I remember one summer day it was really quiet, the only noise was a jackhammer out by the sidewalk, like 10 feet away....that was what I considered quiet back then.
But I am at the point where I cant deal with it anymore. Its like I have no tolerance left. The pandemic not helping either.
Rhiannon12866
(205,320 posts)I actually did, too - I visited pretty frequently and it was a relatively progressive area - at least the friends I met were - and people were friendly and the climate was sure more tolerable than here in New York. It's a small town in Western NC, not far from the larger city of Asheville, lots of art and music and a beautiful area near the mountains. Just a suggestion from my experience.
Jetheels
(991 posts)Studied or taught there.
Rhiannon12866
(205,320 posts)My grandmother got to know some of the retired professors and the "president emeritus" - whose wife was first cousins with George H.W. Bush! I once asked him what he thought of Bush senior and he said "He's a nice guy, but I don't agree with his politics."
Also my cousin graduated from there and liked the area so much that she decided to stay. She became an R.N. and got a job at one of the major hospitals in Asheville.
Phentex
(16,334 posts)we didn't move because of it but we had people above us doing god knows what all the time too. And they were flight attendants so the hours were very irregular. We didn't re-sign our lease.
Hope you find a better place!