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[dweller]

Last edited Tue Apr 20, 2021, 12:50 AM - Edit history (1)

In a move that can only be described as ‘turnabout is fair play’

The meat industry today announced it will venture into the ‘faux veggie’ market, offering a variety of vegetable substitutes made from meat by-products, including offerings from the poultry, beef and pork producers that will rival vegetables in taste, texture and nutritive value, along with eye-popping colors that will be shelf stable for a much longer period than your standard wimpy and quickly rotting standard vegetables.

Utilizing artificial coloring and laboratory created flavorings the beef and pork industry have created ‘beets, potatoes, mushroom, turnip and cabbage’ that at first glance seems to the eye to be as real as a vegetable.

The poultry industry has tackled lettuces, spinach and various leafy-ish greens, and claim to have a patent on a kale substitute that was created from chicken feathers, beaks, skin and claw. “It’s uncanny how realistic the texture is” said a poultry industry spokesman, adding the new product was as“easily digestible as the original” .

Reporters at the event were bristling with questions, but the industry spokespeople claimed “proprietary licensing and legal matters” and would not allow further comment. Then in a surprise announcement a full buffet of prepared dishes was offered to the gathered news organizations to sample and enjoy. Many immediately left assumedly to file first reports, but a few others gathered at the buffet, while others watched trancelike from the seating.

The Seafood industry was asked for comment, and for possible future venture into the groundbreaking market, but declined with the statement that “Our recent breakthrough into children’s breakfast cereal was holding its own” .

film at 11
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on edit: ...

[denbot]

1. LoL

Thanks

[dameatball]

2. By the second paragraph I was hoping that squinting would help me to understand this.....:)

[rampartc]

3. no link, but ......

that does sound onionesque.

[left-of-center2012]

4. Can you post the link?

[dweller]

5. sorry

I was just blabbing on, edited in

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