They say every little boy likes to pretend he’s his daddy. So in that spirit...
My Little Tugboat: if daddy is a tugboat captain, junior will love this real working 24-foot tugboat. Equipped with a 250-horse Diesel engine, this fair ship will pull stumps out of riverbanks, stranded yachts to safety, and jealous stares from the rest of the kids in his class.
My Little Welding Shop: if daddy is an ironworker, prepare your son now for the workaday world with this reasonably priced set containing a 650-amp multiprocess welder, a plasma cutter, a crane and a dump truck full of scrap iron that’ll be placed in your back yard whether you want it there or not. Junior will spend thousands of joyous hours making all sorts of useful items that will be a pleasure to have around the house, or that can be sold to raise money for his tuition at community college.
My Little Barber Shop: suitable for both boys and girls, this one comes with a kid-size barber chair, a pair of real electric clippers, a set of combs, scissors and razors, and a genuine Official Men’s Hairstyle Manual. Once you get past the hundreds of phone calls from irate parents demanding to know why their daughter is shaved bald again, you’ll love it.
My Little Chef: both boys and girls will revel in this starter kitchen complete with a 60-inch commercial range. Requires higher natural gas pressure than 99 percent of homes actually have, but once you get the city to rezone your house to industrial, that’ll be easily taken care of.
My Little Weed Grower: only available in states with legal cannabis, our team of horticultural scientists have engineered a plant that grows just like marijuana but can’t be smoked. Comes complete with an application for a state pot grower’s license to be filed on junior’s 21st birthday.
My Little Race Car Driver: prepare your child now for a career in the lucrative field of stock car racing with this play set that contains a genuine retired NASCAR stock car and more wrenches than you’ve ever seen. Most of these sets require significant work before your kid can drive the car because let’s face it, there’s a reason the team that built the car got rid of it.
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