How do you feel about friends who discuss their medical issues in detail?

[grumpyduck]

Not sure if this us the right forum for this, but here goes.

We've known several people who like to talk about their medical issues in detail. One friend, for instance, liked to talk about his kidney stones. Back when I was growing up, this was considered a no-no, but things change.

So, out of curiosity, how do you feel about this?

[Effete Snob]

1. My friends can talk to me about whatever is on their mind

That's what makes them friends.

[LonePirate]

4. Same here. Friends are free to talk about whatever they wish with me.

There may be some psychological benefit for people if they talk about their medical issues with others as it helps them process, accept and decompress which helps the body deal with things a little better while helping with peace of mind. Plus, it’s just a decent thing to do to help and listen to a friend.

[Wingus Dingus]

2. Was it considered impolite because boring, or gross, or just too personal?

People, especially younger people like my kids, are much more open about things that used to be kept quiet/personal. I was mildly shocked to see a Venus razor commercial showing and discussing pubic hair. With the actual words "pubic hair" in the ad. I saw a maxi pad commercial with red fluid stains instead of blue. Go to reddit and see millenials and younger kids openly talking about embarrassing physical and mental stuff that I never would have said to anybody, ever. I don't know how I feel about it, but nothing's off limits anymore.

[CrispyQ]

7. You stated my feelings perfectly.

LOL, I noticed the red fluid instead of blue on the pad commercial too.

[Wingus Dingus]

9. Yeah, it's a new world out there.

I think I want the blue fluid back...

[grumpyduck]

11. I never really knew why

we didn't talk about it, except maybe that it was considered too personal.

But those were the old days (for me, anyway).

[Wingus Dingus]

14. Because if you've ever overshared, as we've all probably done on occasion,

you get that awkward vibe during the conversation, and you just know they've now got an image of you in their heads that they don't want, and you wish you could take it back...

[hlthe2b]

3. I tend to be a "Chief Explainer" and unpaid second opinion to friends...

who are undergoing care for serious medical conditions. I care about them and am more than willing to do so, knowing how horrendous our health care system has generally become in terms of coordination and patient advocacy.

That said, there is a difference between that and those who discuss their daily bodily functions/dysfunctions in detail every day as their primary subject of conversation.

[zuul]

5. I'm okay with it, to a point.

My mother gives me her 'poop report' every time we talk on the phone. In great detail. It's a bit much.

[dawg day]

6. I have a "shut-in" friend who talks in great painful detail about her ailments

They're real problems, and I know she's suffering. It hurts to listen to her. But... I know I'm the only one she can talk to about this. (She has to maintain an upbeat positive attitude with her co-workers as she doesn't want to be laid off ... yeah, you supposedly can't be laid off for health reasons, but it's not like the boss will say, "We're firing you because you have arthritis.&quot

So I listen and sympathize. It's only a half hour out of my life when she calls. I'll let it go to voicemail if I'm busy, but really, I live 500 miles away-- it's not like she's asking me to drive her to doctor appts. She just wants to talk about (well, complain) what the doctor said afterwards.

But yeah, it can be difficult, especially because it's depressing. There is no solution I can propose. Chronic illness and pain just aren't solvable.

[CrispyQ]

8. I have a friend who posts details on FB.

Sure he posts in Friends mode, but yikes!

[LakeArenal]

10. There are different degrees of friends.

I’m sure you mean the people you might see socially not your buds.

I really dislike it and the following:

One. I have had a couple surgeries.
The second had a complication that took months. WHILE IT IS HAPPENING, I don’t want to hear about someone’s friend who had the same whatever (it’s never the same) and they were up and around in a day and back to work.

Two: So maybe there are long term issues that flair up. I don’t want to answer: what drugs do you take, Have your been to a doctor. 🙄. Want me to get you my dr’s. #?
I have a sister who.......

Three. It’s not a contest when three or more get into a medical conversation.

Four: Even after you say, I don’t want to talk about it, many persist.

Five: While it’s happening, I don’t want to hear: look around there are so many worse off than you. I KNOW THAT.

Six: Don’t minimize anyone’s pain. If a person says it really hurts, believe it. Just don’t dwell on the topic. Don’t go holistic on someone. Don’t give a list of what you take.

Seven: Go have an adventure. It’s precisely why we left our home for 35. Lunches were beginning to revolve around everyone’s ailments. We did not want our last chapters be that. So we sold off everything and moved to a foreign country. Our last chapters are about our golden years not our last chapters.

[happybird]

12. It depends

A friend dealing with and working through a health issue is one thing. I’ll listen to and support them as much as they need. Hypochondriacs and those who are obsessed with medical issues are another.

I have an aunt and an ex-friend whose lives revolve around their supposed medical issues. It is tiresome when that is all they ever talk about, especially knowing it’s greatly exaggerated or even made up to get attention and sympathy. If someone really had all the medical issues they each claim to have, they’d be dead or in the hospital.

[Solly Mack]

13. My friends that do talk about them need to talk about them, so that's fine.

Friendship comes with the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'm talking actual friends. Not people I know. Not people that I sometimes see in a group. Not even casual friends.

I'm talking people who know me well enough to know my story, so to speak. We all tend to get graphic when together.

We were plain spoken about our periods. Why not be just as plain spoken about menopause and all points in between and after?

Those conversations are usually held within the group. No outsiders or casual connections.

Close friends can get as detailed as they want to be. And we'll groan or moan at the truly graphic parts but we're still listening. We're still there for each other.

[Ocelot II]

15. The organ recital. It happens more often as you and your friends get older.

Whether it's disturbing or distasteful depends on the friend and the circumstances - if it's a close friend who wants to share some anxiety about their health, it doesn't bother me, but I'd rather not hear the gory details unless they're really relevant to the concerns they have. If my friend wants to tell me he's worried about some digestive problems I can listen sympathetically without having to hear about his explosive diarrhea, for example - especially if the conversation takes place at dinner. I do think the icky details should be shared only with one's medical professionals.

[dixiechiken1]

17. "It happens more often as you and your friends get older."

THIS. 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆

[3catwoman3]

16. One of the things I vowed as my career was drawing to a close was...

…that, once I retired from pediatrics, I was never going to discuss poop ever again, unless I was at the vet with one of out cats.

Generally speaking, I think other people would prefer not to hear about your bodily fluids or waste products.

[OriginalGeek]

18. We have a few good friends who can talk about anything

the acquaintances need to stfu.


For point of reference my wife and I are in our late 50s~early 60s and we both grew up not talking about anything and were encouraged to keep quiet about any issues short of being nearly dead.

We changed over the years I reckon. Most stuff doesn't bother me. Except barf. Can't stand looking, talking or knowing about it.

[Lars39]

19. My inlaws are really bad about prayer chain information.

I have zero interest in hearing about everybody's ailments in great detail. It just makes me anxious and sometimes nauseated.
If it pertains to them, or another close relative, that's different.

[Ocelot II]

20. What I really don't get is people posting their medical conditions on social media,

sometimes in way more detail than anybody but their doctor needs to know about. So anybody who is a Facebook "friend" or a Twitter follower (which in some cases might be hundreds of people) will be told not only that they have some kind of ailment but will learn all about their hemorrhoids or the rash on their private parts or their uncontrollable gas or whatever. Why would anybody do that?

[Runningdawg]

21. When you are nurse, it's even worse.

Family and CLOSE friends are one thing, but I didn't go out for a drink with you so you could ask if I would take a look at a pimple on your butt.

[grumpyduck]

23. LOL.

[Laffy Kat]

22. I'm such a clinically curious person I love the details.

And I will usually ask several questions.

[Bucky]

24. It's a thing where you have to draw a boundary with people

I've never had a problem discussing gross things over dinner. I don't do it, and I know a few people to avoid doing it around, but generally medical topics don't bother me.

Now, if someone discusses it to excess, then it's kind of on me to say "Hey, we've talked about this too much. Let's change the subject."