Know any good Chuck Norris jokes?

[red dog 1]

Last edited Sun Oct 10, 2021, 08:12 PM - Edit history (2)

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head.













NOTE: I didn't post this thread because I like Chuck Norris, or his movies.
Chuck Norris is a Trump-loving, pro-life, anti-immigrant Republican, but the fact is, there are more jokes on the Internet about Chuck Norris than any other person, thanks to humorist Ian Spector.
In 2005, Spector started "Chuck Norris Facts" which became the "Internet's First Great Meme"
Chuck Norris was not happy about this, and filed a couple of lawsuits.

Here's the rest of the story:
"How Chuck Norris Facts Became the Internet's First Great Meme"
https://www.neatorama.com/2017/08/28/How-Chuck-Norris-Facts-Became-the-Internets-First-Great-Meme/

[underpants]

1. Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer

but Chuck Norris never cries.

[Enter stage left]

2. Chuck Norris...is the joke!

[MLAA]

7. You beat me to it!

[The Magistrate]

8. Hear Hear, Sir

[Eko]

3. You know why there are so many Chuck Norris jokes and no Bruce Lee ones?

Because Bruce Lee isnt a joke.

[MissB]

12. This is my favorite

[Snarkoleptic]

4. I was 12 years old in El Paso, Tx when Good Guys Wear Black came out.

He was signing autographs at a movie theater near the Bassett Center (now Bassett Place) and I was shocked to find I was taller than him.
The joke was on him.

[Lochloosa]

5. These jokes are as bad as...

Chuck Norris.

[marble falls]

6. Just this on ...

[oasis]

60. Is that a badger or a raccoon he's wearing?

[marble falls]

64. Crust and mold, but hey, he's just a colorful old wad.

[RainCaster]

9. There aren't any nt

[RockRaven]

10. Sure. Haven't you ever seen his acting?

That's a fucking joke.

[NullTuples]

11. No, thank you.

"America just found out Chuck Norris is a homophobic Trump supporter"

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/america-just-found-chuck-norris-160156102.html

[red dog 1]

13. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

[red dog 1]

14. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball

[red dog 1]

15. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors

[MatthewHatesTrump2]

16. Wh did Chuck Norris become a Republican?

Because the Democrats didn't want him.

[lame54]

17. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep - he waits

[red dog 1]

18. That one is one of my favorites

[MatthewHatesTrump2]

19. They were going to put Chuck Norris' face on Mt. Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for

his beard

[Mr.Bill]

20. When Chuck Norris does push-ups

he is not lifting his body. It's remaining still while he pushes the Earth away from him.

[SKKY]

21. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a raging erection...

...There were no survivors.

[SKKY]

22. Chuck Norris counted to infinity....twice.

[SKKY]

23. When Alexander Graham Bell first invented the telephone...

...he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

[red dog 1]

25. Q) Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?

Last edited Wed Oct 20, 2021, 05:42 PM - Edit history (1)

A) To beat up a hippie on the other side

[red dog 1]

26. Chuck Norris walks into a bar,

and everybody gets up & leaves, including the bartender.

[MatthewHatesTrump2]

27. How does Chuck Norris like his steaks cooked?

He doesn't like his steaks cooked, he prefers to eat them raw.

[red dog 1]

28. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

[red dog 1]

29. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

[Xavier Breath]

30. Chuck Norris doesn't get Covid. Covid gets Chuck Norris.

[red dog 1]

32. Good one!

[niyad]

31. Isn't he the joke?

[red dog 1]

33. Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open,

so he took it back the next day for a refund.

[Alpeduez21]

35. When Chick Norris left for kindergarten

He told his father “Well, I guess you’re man of the house now”

[brooklynite]

36. I went to a Mike Huckabee campaign event in NH in 2008 with Chuck Norris as guest star...

…he said Presidential candidates should be given a pot of money to show their management capabilities. I always wondered how many in the audience realized that he was calling for public financing of campaigns.

[red dog 1]

37. Chuck Norris once made an onion cry

[red dog 1]

38. When Chuck Norris was born, he bit off the umbilical cord himself.

[red dog 1]

39. Roseanne Barr, Scott Baio, and Chuck Norris walk into a bar, and the bartender says

"We don't serve lousy actors!"

[red dog 1]

40. Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys

[red dog 1]

41. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

[red dog 1]

42. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet

[red dog 1]

43. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open

[red dog 1]

44. Chuck Norris can get in a bucket & lift it up with himself in it

(I guess I'm the only one who likes Chuck Norris jokes)

[red dog 1]

46. Chuck Norris can open a kitchen drawer with a potato masher in it.

[red dog 1]

47. When cars go through an intersection, they look both ways for Chuck Norris

[red dog 1]

48. Well, since I'm apparently the only one here who likes to post Chuck Norris jokes, here's one more

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room.

(The bear isn't dead, he's just afraid to move)

[red dog 1]

49. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

[orangecrush]

50. Chuck Norris doesn't read books

He stares at them, and they give him the information he wants.

[red dog 1]

51. Chuck Norris can open a kitchen drawer with a potato masher in it.

[red dog 1]

52. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet

[petronius]

53. Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups

he pushes the Earth down...

[red dog 1]

54. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch..He simply decides what time it is

[red dog 1]

55. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone

[red dog 1]

56. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

[red dog 1]

57. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

[red dog 1]

58. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

[red dog 1]

59. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris

[red dog 1]

61. Chuck Norris doesn't use condoms..There is no protection against Chuck Norris.

[red dog 1]

62. Chuck Norris' daughter lost her virginity..He got it back the next day.

[red dog 1]

63. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take any crap from anybody.