Post a Zen joke

[red dog 1]

3 zen monks go into a cave to meditate.
After a month or so a noise is heard outside the cave.
3 months later, the first monk says, 'Did you hear that noise? I think it was goat!"
6 months later, the 2nd monk says, "That wasn't a goat, it was a cow!"
A year later, the 3rd monk says, "If you two are going to keep arguing, I'm leaving"

[brush]

1. Explaining golf to a newbie.

"The least you hit the ball, the better you're doing."

After a moment of contemplation, the following comes.

"Then why do it at all?"

[betsuni]

2. What do you get when you combine a Lutheran with a Zen Buddhist?

Someone who wakes up at three a.m. to worry about nothing.

[EYESORE 9001]

3. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?

‘Make me one with everything.’

[red dog 1]

6. I think that one is the most famous of all Zen jokes

[EYESORE 9001]

9. I think you're right

It was the first and only one that came to mind.

[mopinko]

11. the monk gives the vendor a fiver, and he turns to the next customer.

monk- where's my change?
vendor- change comes from within.

[Alpeduez21]

4. Let me think of one

"ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."

[red dog 1]

7. I think I get that one!

[sanatanadharma]

5. Thread is a-maze-zen, I tao-not saay more

3 monks
24 hours of silence
Night falls
1st monk says, "Light a lamp!"
2nd says, Brother you broke the silence"
3rd brags, "I alone have remained silent"

I add, "I broke silence at my 1st Rainbow Family Tribes' 4th of July", so embarrassed, but not then in bare-ass.

[red dog 1]

8. I used to visit the Zen Center in San Francisco to meditate with the regulars there

(I think it was on Page Street)

[red dog 1]

10. A Zen monastery, the monks all get up at 4 AM, go to the main hall and start chanting.

As the Zen Master comes into the hall, they all say "Morning!"

One morning, one of the monks said "Evening"

The Zen master said, "Some monk chanted evening!"

[TomWilm]

12. A Zen joke is in some ways just a joke ...

... and can be delightfully used as such. But I like the background for them - the koan. If understood correctly, the silly story could suddenly make a student stumble into enlightenment.

A Zen student said, "My teacher is the best, he can go days without eating."

A second student said, "My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleeping."

A third student said, "My teacher is so wise that he eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired."

[MatthewHatesTrump2]

13. A Zen master says to his pupil "Do you understnd that you don't really exist?"

Upon which the pupil replies, "To whom are you telling that?"

[MatthewHatesTrump2]

14. For his 79th birthday, one of his students gave the Zen master a big box with a ribbon around it.

When the master opened the box, he found that there was nothing inside.
"Aha," he exclaimed, "Just what I wanted!"

[red dog 1]

15. How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist?

A man who is at two with the universe.

[red dog 1]

16. Zen master to his student: "To grow in enlightenment, you must live in harmony with the mystical

Source of everything."

"Wait, the student said."I thought you told me last week that enlightenment came form sudden bursts of insight when meditating on a koan."

"Well," the master replied, "That was Zen. This is Tao"

[red dog 1]

17. What do you call a Buddhist monk who meditates in the snow?

Fro-Zen

[intrepidity]

18. I think this is a koan:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the "other side".

[red dog 1]

19. A Zen student went to a temple and asked how long it would take him to gain enlightenment

if he joined the temple.

"10 years," said the Zen master.

"Well, how about if I really work hard and double my effort?"

"In that case, 20 years"

[red dog 1]

20. "Don't walk behind me, for I may not lead...Don't walk in front of me, for I may not follow

Just walk beside me and keep your mouth shut"

[red dog 1]

21. How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.
One to change it, and one not to change it.

[red dog 1]

22. Four monks were meditating in a temple when, all of a sudden, the prayer flag on the roof

started flapping.

The youngest monk came out of his meditation and said, "Flag is flapping."

The second, more experienced monk said, "Wind is flapping."

The third monk, who had been there more than 20 years said, "Mind is flapping."

The fourth monk, who was the eldest, said, "Mouths are flapping."

[red dog 1]

23. What did the sign in the Zen monastery searching for new monks say?

"Inquire within!"

[Harker]

24. Okay...

[jcgoldie]

25. whats the difference between a duck?

One leg is both the same.

[red dog 1]

26. What's the best gift for a Zen Master?

A house, because they love to live in the present.