Cancer sucks

[Retired Engineer Bob]

I’ve been pondering for a while whether I should create this post. The probability of it turning into a pity party seems high, not something (I don’t think) it is intended to be. Perhaps it is an attempt to bare my feelings, hopes, and fears to an understanding group, a cheap form of group therapy if you will. Perhaps it can be a warning to others to take care of themselves. Perhaps it is a cry for pity; when I was much younger I enjoyed having my friends stay the weekend. We would smoke some doobies, cook and eat, and drink too much. I’d get up hung over the next morning, “Rita, feel sorry for me” I’d cry, Rita would tell me to shut up, get up, and let’s cook breakfast. She never did tolerate my BS.

Perhaps 10 years or so ago I would notice an occasional difficulty in swallowing while eating, immediately followed by nausea. If I sat back and waited 5 minutes it would pass and I could continue my meal. This would happen about once every 6 months. My friend Ed noticed one time and suggested I see a doctor. I would attribute it to eating too fast or the richness of the food. Never did see a doctor about this.

About two or three years ago things got a bit worse. I’d get up early for work, have my coffee, and have a cigarette. About every two weeks nausea would hit me, I would end up getting the dry heaves into the kitchen sink. Again I would not think much of it, one too many drinks the night before. After 5 minutes at the sink it would pass and I continued with my morning routine.

As you can tell I certainly did not have the healthiest lifestyle. Too much alcohol, a pack of Kools daily, and an occasional cigar were my hobbies.

I am breaking up the timeline a bit, but 1996 was the year I was diagnosed HIV positive. Up to that time the diagnosis was pretty much of a death notice. My doctor did mention the availability of new drugs that appeared to be affective against HIV. He asked if I would be interested in trying, it took me all of 5 seconds to say hell yes. Nonetheless I was pretty much resigned to kicking the bucket. My biggest (unfounded) concern was the shame my parents would feel. I remember having the thought “why can’t this be something respectable like a heart attack”?

Fast forward to a month ago. At every meal I felt full after 4 or 5 bites of food, if I tried to eat more I would be running to the bathroom. The morning kitchen sink routine became a daily ritual. I haven’t seen a general practitioner since 2017, needed to find a new doctor. Ended up seeing a nurse practitioner (NP) she could get me in the next day.

So the next day I go to see her. She noted two items of concern. My weight was down to 152, from a very steady normal of 165. She also felt an abnormality on the upper part of my stomach. She ordered at CT scan at a nearby facility, and a combination colonoscopy and endoscopy along with an appointment with a Gastroenterologist.

The following Tuesday I went in for the CT scan. The NP called Thursday morning and discussed the results. I honestly don’t remember the entire conversation, but she mentioned spots on my liver and some surrounding lymph nodes. For the first time I heard the word cancer applied to me. She ordered a liver biopsy, this is happening tomorrow.

Meanwhile the colonoscopy/endoscopy happened last Thursday April 14th. Holy crap, prepping for a colonoscopy when you have difficulty keeping things down is an adventure. Fourteen doses of a powdered laxative mixed with 64 onces of Gatorade, yum. The doctor was there as I came to. Good news, the colonoscopy was fine, removed two polyps. Bad news, I have three malignant esophageal tumors that were biopsied. Gastroenterologist made an appointment for me to see an oncologist, this appointment is this week Thursday. He put me on a liquid diet, even though my weight is now down to 145.

If anyone shows any interest I will post more regarding how I am feeling, coping, and my support.

[Hoyt]

1. Please keep us updated. Hope the next few weeks offer positive news. Take care.

[onecaliberal]

2. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you're not alone and not feeling alone.

Please keep us posted on how you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Hugs

[orangecrush]

42. Likewise.

[MLAA]

3. Please do, consider this your Diary if you would like.

I would be happy to be your diary reader 💗

[in2herbs]

13. Add me to the list, too. TY nt

[Scottie Mom]

19. Same here. Keep us posted. EOM

[red dog 1]

49. Me too - Keep us posted

(I'm a two-time Cancer survivor myself)

[Skittles]

4. we are here for you Bob

remember that someone is always here on DU

please keep us updated....I agree, cancer sucks and I am so sick of it....I truly believe if the world spent on cancer research what it spends on senseless wars, we would already have a cure

[sheshe2]

5. Please continue with updates, Bob.

My thoughts are with you and am sending healing vibes.

[Diamond_Dog]

6. I feel for you

Hearing the word cancer for the first time is extremely frightening. You’re gonna have a long road ahead… they are doing amazing things treating cancer these days so listen to your doctor’s and do what they tell you to. I hope you have some good friends to help you out and good medical insurance. I will send you all the good karma I can muster.

Cancer survivor since 2007 here. Wishing you all the best.

[alittlelark]

7. Start carrying a medical notebook!!!!!

Too many emotions and vacant MD's.


DO YOU - keep notes - serious notes.

[Staph]

8. Been there, done that!

And I know about the hate of the pity party. I personally hate those who tell me how "brave" I am. Those of us with cancer aren't brave; we're just surviving in the best way we can.

That said, listen to what the various doctors tell you, ask lots of questions, and don't be afraid to ask for a second opinion. There are a lot of new treatments out there, and your oncologist may not be up to date on the very latest.

If you need to talk among those of us who have been there, check out the cancer support group here on DU. Or send me a private message.

Hang in there, kiddo!

[Polly Hennessey]

9. I am here and want to hear about how you are doing..

Listen to your medical staff and follow their guidelines. With their help you will be victorious. Won’t be easy. Will be hard. We are here for you.

[a kennedy]

10. ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️

Please keep us up on all the news. Sending all the positive vibes, prayers, love and hope you can handle.

[XanaDUer2]

11. Keep us updated

Thinking positive thoughts for you

[Wicked Blue]

12. Blessings of good health and healing to you

[babylonsister]

14. FUCK CANCER!!

I have had two bouts with it and have two siblings going through various cancer-related situations now.

I am here to listen and support you. Maybe we'll all learn something.

You have a long road ahead. Perhaps it's a good idea to share to lessen your burden. Maybe our broad shoulders will help.

Take care; you're not alone.

[momta]

15. Yup, cancer definitely sucks.

Please keep us updated. And good luck.

[tiredtoo]

16. Retired Engineer Bob

Hang in there, hoping for the best.

[Fla Dem]

17. You sound like a fighter, so give it your best and don't give up.

It will be tough for sure, but know we're all pulling for you. Not sure that will give you much comfort in the days ahead, but I hope it does.

Keep us posted Bob.

[70sEraVet]

18. People here will listen.

Some have had cancer, some have had other life-threatening medical issues. But everyone here will listen.
Good luck to you on this, Retired Engineer Bob!

[niyad]

20. Sending vibes for the best possible outcome. Please do keep us updated,

and remember that your DU family is here for you.

[gademocrat7]

21. We are here for you, Bob.

Please keep us updated. Take care.

[sinkingfeeling]

22. Two things: First, you might want to cross-post this in the Cancer Support group.

Second, is that I'm a 13 year survivor of Stage IV cancer on both my tonsils. Oral, throat, and neck cancers can be eliminated, but the treatment is some of the roughest. Radiation is the gift that keeps on giving.

Find a good oncologist and do the treatment routine. Find a chapter of SPOHNC (Support for people with oral, head, and neck cancer) as they are great for information and support. Best of luck to you.

[OMGWTF]

23. Keep us posted. We care.

[MuseRider]

24. Keep posting.

This is hard and nothing is better than having people who are not there listen. Fresh ears and different experiences. I just got over a very bad heart problem. There were some people here who had the same thing and one here who still has it. It was very bad and very scary. Still cleaning up the ends. I cannot breathe and we are trying to find out now if it is respiratory or my heart doing other lovely things so.....I can tell you first hand that the people here are happy to listen and help as best as we can. I have lived through cancer with both my parents and HIV/AIDS that took my brother almost 20 years ago. As a former critical care nurse I completely understand why you might want to talk. It gets hard for those around you and you just need to keep saying it. There is no need to feel funny, odd or guilty letting it out here.

Asking for pity? No, but even if it seemed that way it is OK.

[Duppers]

54. Everything you said. 👍

When we get a serious diagnosis, we need to be heard; our sanity, even the outcome sometimes, depends upon being heard & believed.


(History: once had an unusual diagnosis which my mother refused to accept or even try to understand. Not good.)

[wendyb-NC]

25. Oh, my

I hope the there is treatment to stop the progression of the tumors, then irradicate them completely.

[BoomaofBandM]

26. Cancer does indeed suck. Sending you positive vibes and hope for swift recovery.

[FailureToCommunicate]

27. Sorry this caught up with you Bob. Cancer sucks.

Cancer of the pancreatic type got my younger brother.
My older brother, however just beat his prostate cancer. So there is always hope.
I hope you hold on to hope and that hope rewards you with better news.

Good luck. Stay with us.

[Lasher]

28. Bummer.

Sorry for your tribulation. But there's people here who really care. I'm one of them. Thanks for sharing.

[hamsterjill]

29. Thanks for your honest account.

I don’t ever know what to say in situations like you describe. Except that I wish you the best and I’m sorry this has happened.

Please continue to share your journey.

[Greybnk48]

30. I would like to hear about your progress and treatment

if you're willing to share. Best of luck, Retired Engineer Bob.

[Pepsidog]

31. Keep posting updates. We will listen.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

32. Please keep us updated.

DU really is a very caring community.

I myself have always been annoyingly healthy, although I did have a heart attack in December, 2020, which was a reality check.

A friend has been recently diagnosed with cancer, and although I haven't seen her since before the pandemic, I'm glad she keeps everyone up to date on here FB page.

[jfz9580m]

33. What the others said

I am sorry to hear that..please do keep us posted when you can....the treatments for various cancers are improving all the time. Do keep that in mind...it really is not the dreaded disease it once was....

[NJCher]

34. I'll be reading

Please keep us posted.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

35. First of all, let me say thanks to all the good folks that have responded

Cynical me would be thinking “tots and pears”. I’ll drop the charade and let you all know that the words of encouragement are meaningful and very much appreciated. Thank you all.

I had my good friend Ed lined up to take me to the surgery center at noon today for the liver biopsy. Something about this appointment bothered me so I called earlier this morning to verify. It had been canceled, by someone. I am confused. At least I was able to call Ed and let him know I no longer need the ride.

I still have my first appointment with the oncologist tomorrow. One of you fine posters suggested keeping a medical notebook. You are the second person to recommend this, and I can see the value of doing this. I’ll make sure I bring one with me tomorrow, my usual habit of writing things down on post-it notes or the back of envelopes isn’t cutting it.

So, how have I been feeling? It’s a cliché, but indeed some days are better than others. This morning I am feeling pretty good, getting hungry. I think I’ll hop in the car and pick up some soup from the local Zoup restaurant. I will study their menu before going, certainly don’t want to be denied by making a mistake in line. I hear these places can be very stick, and quick to drop the “no soup for you” line. A cheeseburger and onion rings sounds even better, but this would likely violate the liquid diet.

At other times I feel as if I swallowed half a dozen golf balls with metal spikes. Bloated and with pain reaching 4 of 10. When it is like this I cannot lay down in one position, and sleep is elusive. For the last couple of weeks I have not had a decent nights sleep, but instead toss and turn. I get up once an hour, move from the bed to couch, and alternate between trying to read and watch TV.

Coping: At least I am retired and do not need to deal with work on a daily basis, although I had other ideas on how I would spend my time. Oh well, I need to play the hand I was dealt. Lately I have been on a cancellation kick. I was supposed to go up to Milwaukee to visit mom, my brother, and his wife and family for Easter. Had a nice long weekend planned including staying at the Pfister Hotel with mom, attending services at my brother’s church, and dinner at his house.

Also canceled is a trip up to Chicago at the end of April. This was a company sponsored get together intended to celebrate the retirement of several stockholders, myself included. Two nights at the Gwen Hotel, river cruise downtown, and dinner at the Signature Room at the 95th (restaurant at the 95th floor of what used to be the Hancock). Oh well.

I have a two and half week trip scheduled and paid for in Europe coming up at the end of June. This was to be my husband’s and my belated honeymoon. Three nights in Paris, two nights in Amsterdam, hop on the riverboat and end up in Switzerland eight days later. Get off the boat, two nights in Zurich, proceed to Munich for out final couple of days before returning home. This trip was originally scheduled for June of 2020 but postponed until June of 2021 due to COVID. Postponed due to COVID again in 2021. Even if things got no worse medically I could and would not go. I’ll wait to talk with the oncologist before deciding whether to postpone again, or just cancel. Oh well, at least I have travel insurance.

I discuss my current support in a later post. I am grateful to say things look better in this regard.

Again, I appreciate everyone’s kind words and support.

[woodsprite]

36. I can whole-heartedly agree with you that CANCER SUCKS!

I'm hoping you've found good docs to guide you through this. I just completed 1 yr of treatment - surgery, chemo, and internal and external radiation - for an endometrial cancer recurrence - a year almost to the day of diagnosis. I ended up having 3 different docs scrub in for surgery since my GYN/Onco said that it was so close to the bowel and bladder that he didn't feel comfortable 'winging it'. I appreciated his honesty. Very grateful that all 3 docs were of similar mindframe, personality, had senses of humor similar to mine, not to mention bang-up surgical skills. As I went through this past year, I just kept reminding myself that this all was a process I had to go through. A process that is ongoing as someone mentioned that radiation is the gift that keeps giving.

I will be reading your posts, and sending virtual hugs and good, healing thoughts you're way!

[Solly Mack]

37. Cancer does suck.

Keep us posted.

There is a Cancer Support Group on DU.

Great group of people.

It is a group one never hopes to join but I did, and it really does help.

Take care.

[smirkymonkey]

38. I am so sorry, Bob.

I can't imagine what you are going through, but please keep us posted on how you are doing and feeling.

Please take care of yourself and I wish you all the best in your recovery.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

39. Saw the oncologist yesterday for the first time

Spent a good hour with him just discussing where we are at. He emphasized three points.

First, review where we currently are. Cancer of the esophagus in three locations. Biopsy has come back, it is malignant. The oncologist did not sugarcoat it, this is serious stuff. He has already assembled his team that includes a chemotherapy specialist, radiologist, surgeon, nutritionist, and a care coordinator who will be my main point of contact. I’m in for a ride.

Second he needs to discover where else this may have spread. Whole body PET scan has been ordered, should occur next week. I Googled PET scan out of curiosity. Get an injection of radioactive goop, wait a while for the body to metabolize the goop, then lay down in the doughnut and let the twirly camera take photos. Cancerous cells metabolize the goop quicker than normal cells, the answer to the question “where has it spread” should be answered.

Third is the course of treatment. He has already decided on an aggressive approach which will include chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery. In for a ride indeed. Already have an appointment next week to talk to the chemotherapy specialist. The intent of this visit it to educate me about chemo, what it is and what I should expect.

At this point, notebook in hand, I asked a few questions.

Q: What about the previous CT scan and the cancelled liver biopsy?

A: In light of the endoscopy and biopsy results the CT scan is inconclusive. The PET scan will address the question of spread.

Q: Can he do anything for the pain I currently have? It is preventing sleep. I have taken leftover codeine/acetaminophen from oral surgery 3 weeks ago, it helps a bit but I am running out.

A: A prescription for hydrocodone/acetaminophen is ready to pick up. I am aware of the issues with opioids, but have decided unnecessary pain should be avoided. Bring it on. I’m glad the Dr. is in agreement.

Q: The liquid diet sucks.

A: Too bad. The possibility of a blockage is real, I could end up in the emergency room needing a roto-rooter to remove. I will be working with a nutritionist regarding this. He did wink and state a bite of a cheeseburger would not be the end of the world, but emphasized the need to take small bites and chew throughly.

Q: What about the trip to Europe scheduled and paid for at the end of June?

A: Forget it, maybe next year. I’m not happy, but am ok with this. I mentioned earlier that if I felt as I do now I would not go. I need to contact the travel agent to start the cancellation process.

That’s it for now.

[Skittles]

57. may I ask

how will you get to these appointments, I'm assuming they would not let you drive yourself.....also, do you have good family / social support around you....

I like your attitude - you're not in despair and when you say you are "in for a ride" I'm thinking there's some fight in you......kick some cancer ass!

[beaglelover]

40. Thank you for sharing. How have you been doing this week?

[Wicked Blue]

41. I'm so sorry for what you are going through

Hoping that everything is treatable and that you will feel better soon

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

43. Sorry to hear you're in that war.

My wife has been at it for 11 years this July. You are now among the other warriors.

For each visit, think and plan ahead. Have a list of questions and points to discuss. Do not feel at all rushed with anyone. Take your time and ask all the questions you have and discuss the answers until you feel entirely comfortable.

Hoping for the best for you. Stay strong.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

44. Good morning all

Getting ready for PET scan, need to leave here at 9:54 to be there at 10:00. At least it is close by.

Saw the radiologist yesterday. He believes it is stage 3 or 4, PET scan to determine. He is suspicious of the spots on the liver, which gets it to stage 4. I Googled stage 4 esophageal cancer, didn’t like what I found regarding 5 year survival rates.

Have another appointment with the radiologist today at 2:00 pm. This next visit is to map/calibrate the tumors for the upcoming radiation treatments. Exact number of treatments and some of the treatment characteristics will be determined by the PET scan. He figures a minimum of 15 visits, 5 minutes of actual radiation each visit.

I have graduated to morphine 15 mg twice a day for pain management. I am allowed to take additional Norco (hydrocodone/acetaminophen 5/325 mg) for break through pain. Still can’t get a decent nights sleep.

Well, better be on my way for the PET scan.

[bigtree]

45. you going by yourself, Bob, or is someone with you this morning

...other than us DU peeps?

Best of luck today, btw.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

46. Just me today

Hanging out in waiting room. They called my name, took me to exam room to do a glucose check and install an IV. They injected the glucose with radioactive tracer, chilling in a recliner for 90 minutes for body to metabolize the glucose. Then the PET scan begins. Works on the theory that cancer cells have a high metabolism and any additional cancer will light up in the scan image.

[bigtree]

47. terrifyingly fascinating

....thanks for hanging with us DUpeeps while you're going through this.

Love your concise, understandable explanations.

[Skittles]

55. wishing you the best

please keep us updated, we are here for you Bob; yes INDEED

[bigtree]

48. hey, Bob

...

[red dog 1]

50. Keeping a notebook is a good idea, Bob.

Or, if you prefer, bring a pocket-size tape recorder when going to your doctor.
You won't have to worry about forgetting exactly what he or she said.

Meanwhile, we are praying for you.

Hang in there!

[MuseRider]

59. Great idea!

I have never thought to do that, sure could have used that.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

51. Howdy folks, thanks again for the warm wishes and support

Today has been one of the better days, I feel pretty good. Actually got a solid 5 hours of sleep last night. The pain meds are working better.

Went back to see the radiologist Friday afternoon after the PET scan. Liver spots are malignant, and oh, by the way, there’s a spot in your hip bone as well. He was explaining how these results would affect the radiation treatments moving forward when I just kind of zoned him out, nodding my head at hopefully appropriate moments. Inwardly there was a bit of a shitstorm as my thought demons screamed “Stage 4, distant”.

After the consultation the technician showed me around the facility, where to park, what entrance to use, waiting room, radiation zapping machine room. They had me climb into the zapper where I got as comfortable as possible, they then made a mold along my sides. They then ran the machine in the CT scan mode, calibrating my body to the machine. Finally they marked my torso in three locations, left, upper, right with an “X” using a permanent marker. Note to self, if I go to a gun range keep my shirt on.

The whole idea of the molds and scan is to make sure my body is in the exact same location for each radiation treatment. Once we get started treatment will be every weekday at the same time. They do need prior approval from the insurance company before proceeding. There is no reason why they would not approve, expected start day is next Thursday.

[bigtree]

53. alright

...moving forward.

[Skittles]

56. thank you for the updates

I'm a longtime platelet donor and I know they are used mostly for cancer patients, but I know so little about cancer treatment.

[Akoto]

52. It does, indeed, but don't lose heart. It can be beaten.

My dad was told last year that he'd be dead right now, if not earlier, after they found a rare type of cancer in various parts of his body and at stage 4. There was no warning until the day we had to take him to the ER due to his being unwell, and you know the rest of the discovery process. Surgery managed to get 95% of it, and chemo had to manage for the rest due to it being in areas too close to vital nerves.

Long story short, dad is alive and in remission. We spent a lot of time preparing for his death, bracing ourselves emotionally/mentally and trying (as he wished) to get his affairs in order. I won't call it time wasted, as it's always good to have those things ready, but he kept moving along with chemo every other week and a colostomy bag.

I honestly have to admire that he just seemed to take it with the "this is how it is, let's get on with life" attitude my grandparents embodied so well. He was back at work as soon as he could be following surgery, and even found his way back to being a golf course superintendent. I think keeping himself stable in life as he knew it, as soon as he was able to, really made a difference for him.

Wishing the best for all of you, and just wanted to give a bit of hope. My dad also went through the liquid diet and weight loss issues, but he bounced back as soon as he could eat solid food again!

[MuseRider]

58. I agree with Akoto above.

You just never know. You have a strong attitude, if you type it to us like that then you have it so draw on it and keep doing what you need to live, always to live. You do indeed have quite a road ahead of you. My nursing is long in the past so I have little idea of what they do for cancer patients but it sounds like a lot can be done.

Picture those spots in your head and watch them quiver at the sight of the hospital and the machines and then picture them shrinking in fear and getting smaller with each treatment. As stupid as that sounds it can be a big help for your mind and spirit that often can really be a help with your treatment. Attitude is a helpful part of healing, probably the hardest part at times but if you keep it up as best you can it can be very helpful. It is certainly every bit as hard as going in daily for treatments. If you get down come back here and read, we can help at least a little bit or just come and talk.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is going to be a fight for certain. Start your day with the Rocky theme and think those cancer killing thoughts and with that combined with the treatments you will have at least a full fisted fight from your side. Other than that do exactly what they tell you to do and remember to live.

Write when you need to, this is not a pity party like you were afraid it would turn into in your first post it is WAR.

*I know this all sounds stupid but many many living people have used this and believe it works. I have seen people who were never thought to recover who had that attitude and lived. Akoto's father did this or something similar and lived. Go get 'em, we want you around.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

60. Good morning DU peeps

Heard from the radiologist office 15 minutes ago. My husband’s insurance (Blue Cross/Blue Shield) has approved the suggested radiation treatments. This will begin Monday, May 9th and run through a total of 15 weekday sessions.

Other upcoming appointments include a consultation with the surgeon. This will be May 10th at 11:15 am. Radiation treatment that day is 9:00 am, should be ok for both.

The final piece of the puzzle is chemotherapy. I have an appointment today at 1:00 pm. They will be discussing what chemotherapy drugs are recommended, side effects, and scheduling for the chemotherapy sessions.

Overall plan is radiation first, then chemotherapy, then surgery. And you guys said I was no fun.

I previously stated I would discuss who is on my side, my support team.

I’ll start with my wonderful husband, Jose. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him. We first met in 1996, got married in 2014. My insurance is through his job, so far BCBS is doing their part. He has apparently taken the “through sickness and good health, until death do us part” seriously. Phone is ringing now, it’s Jose, pardon me. He calls me every day during his morning break. I am very fortunate to have him. Here’s a photo from our trip to Jamaica this past February:

?1

I also have two dogs, Roxy the Rottweiler, and Amy the Chihuahua. Source number 2 and 3 for hugs, kisses, and emotional support:



The “Friday Night Cronies” is a group of five close friends that I have. We called ourselves that because that was the name we gave ourselves when we switched to FaceTime for our weekly online get togethers during COVID. We are back to actually getting together for our weekly visits. I mentioned Ed, he went with me to this afternoon’s Dr. appointment this afternoon.

My mother, brother, and his wife are six hours away in Wisconsin. They will be down to visit for a few days in a week and a half. I am fine with the visit, and more importantly so is Jose since he will be stuck with a majority of the related housework.

Fortunately engineering paid well, and the 401k has been getting maxed out every year prior to retirement. I’m sure I will hit the insurance Max out of pocket for the year but this should be survivable.

I think that’s enough for now.

[beaglelover]

61. Great post! Best of luck to you with the radiation treatments starting on Monday!

Keep us posted, please. Thank you!

[MuseRider]

62. Thanks for the info and the pictures!

The voyage begins and is starting with support and love and positive thoughts.

Best wishes.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

63. Update May 29

Three more radiation treatments to go. Had to skip two, laying on my back really gets the reflux going nuts and I cannot lay still. The radiologist has noticed a shrinking in the esophageal tumors. Nice to have some good news for a change. So far, no side effects from the radiation are bothering me.

Chemotherapy started last week Tuesday. So far they have been doing an IV through the right arm, but the surgeon is supposed to install a portable pic in my chest to allow direct injection into a larger vein. The primary oncologist is getting PO’d that this has not yet occurred and is hounding the surgeon to get it done.

I counted 17 bottles of prescription meds on the counter, a few are refills. Three times a day it’s a matter of sorting through the bottles to get the right combo. Pain meds are long acting 15 mg morphine taken 3 tablets twice a day. Anxiety meds three times a day, twice a day steroids, once a day high blood pressure meds and HIV tablet. Now that chemotherapy has started there are anti nausea meds as well.

Re-discovered a long time coping mechanism, shopping. Had to dip into the emergency car fund but purchased a 2021 Corvette convertible. Managed to get another $5k off asking price on the Vette, and received a decent price for the 2018 Camaro ZL1. Add in $30k tax refund (paid way too much in estimates), and $20k refund from the cancelled European vacation the emergency fund dipping wasn’t too severe. Jose and I are planning some 3-day type road trips in the area.

That’s it for now,

Thanks for listening and take care

[MuseRider]

66. Came in to see

how you are doing. Sounds like a lot of hassle with the meds, I do not take nearly that many but it drives me crazy sometimes so I would say you sound great! That big port you are getting will save you a lot of pain. Just be extra extra careful with it and always keep it clean and protected just they way they say to. I love that you are using distractions, especially those that can occupy a lot of down time. Whenever I have gotten a new car or new to me car I have spent hours and days and weeks loving to just take it out for a spin. Gas prices were much better then however. You will have fun planning those smaller trips. You sound good, I am sure that is not always the case but if you can sound this good much of the time then I think you are doing well and the doctors comments sound good too. Hang tight, you can certainly do this. Be safe and be well. Thank you for the update too, I come in and check for you now and again. Glad to see this.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

68. Howdy MuseRider

Like the moniker, MuseRider.

Unlike mine, which just kinda spews it out there, without saying much. Anyhow, just ask the spouse or partner of an engineer, a lot of what you hear about us is true.

Still no word on the port installation . Agree it will be good to get installed, the tech’s favorite IV arm vein is getting painful for IV insertion. Been doing ok at following directions and will keep it clean.

Always have been a car nut. Had a Car and Driver prescription for a year before my driver’s license. Used to go to dealerships just to test drive cars I never intended to purchase. Actually drove a ‘69 427 Corvette convertible. Nice ride, but the car felt heavy and big.

The new to me (2021, 2600 mi) vette replaces a 2018 Camaro ZL1. Never thought I would replace it, it was a beast. 650 HP, 650 ftlb is no shlouch. Was pulling out of the parking garage at work one night, being careful to stop, look left/right/left, then proceed with the turn. WHAM! Hello Cab that had been parked on the opposite side of the street apparently got a pickup call and made an immediate U-turn and t-boned me in the driver’s front wheel. He pushed me about 10 - 15 ft before we came to a rest.

Called my husband who came down to pick me up. Had the car towed to the dealer’s body shop. I was promised that all damage was limited to suspension, wheel, and steering. No damage to the uni-body. The odometer read 20,000 or so.

Come 24,000 on the odometer, had to take the car in for the shuddering while braking thing. Warped rotors. I do not ride or abuse brakes, and this has Brembos with rotors the size of pizza pans. Replaced it all, not cheap.

Come 26,500 on the odometer, back into the shop for brakes. Maddening. Another full set of rotors and pads. I threatened to get a lawyer if they even thought about billing me. Got a nice promise that this time it is really, really fixed. The car went to winter storage for the season.

This is what got me thinking about replacing the Camaro. But with what? The C8 mid engine vette came out in 2020 and got my attention. Got the Camaro out of storage, sure enough the brake shudder was coming back. Decision made, time to change vehicles. And make it a convertible. After putting on 750 miles, I would have to say the Corvette is the finest car I have ever owned.

[MuseRider]

71. You sound very good.

I am happy to hear in your "voice" the moving forward feeling. I imagine that comes and goes but as long as you can get that and keep it for a while it will go a very long way to you recovering. I do not know how you do it. I can talk the good talk but when it comes time to do it myself it is difficult at best! I admire your ability and courage.

I never knew anything about cars but I am really happy to talk the little I know from my end.

I wandered in my early 20's into a car deal I could NOT turn down. A co-worker had an old 1960-something Austin Healy Sprite for $500.00. It was an adorable little convertible, bug eyed with absolutely no goodies. No radio, I bought a transistor to put in the passenger seat but never could hear it. It had no power but it was small enough for even me to handle. The rag top was raggity, replaced that. No air conditioner, kinda bad in Kansas but it had a decent heater. It was an ugly pale yellow but I LOVED that car. The transmission whined horribly and I never could get that fixed. My brother drove it home for me then I taught myself how to shift gears, lol. That little sucker in the winter time was the best snow and ice driver I have ever had except for my old Land Cruiser, built before they became "Mommy, kid, nifty transporters". I would get in it and it would ride right up on top of the snow. It did not last as long as I had wished before it was just too expensive for me to maintain. I wish I still had it because I traded it in for a Triumph Spitfire, used of course. Now THAT was a crappy car. It spun in a rain puddle so ice was not a deal at all. After that car it has been grown up boring, mommy cars except for my little fling with a SmartCar. LOVED that little car, like my Austin Healy it had nothing on it really but when you can stick out your arm and roll down the passenger window who needs it? On the highway I terrified anyone riding with me but you could pass those BIG trucks and never feel a suck or anything. God I loved it but out on the farm I had to drive on a lot of gravel roads and it just shook it apart so back to boring cars and a big truck.

I now will picture you, wind blowing in your hair with a big smile on your face driving the finest car you have ever owned. If anyone can make it through what you are going through it will be you. Keep it up, it cannot be fun but you are doing it well.

[TexasBushwhacker]

67. I'm glad you bought that 'Vette n/t

[DFW]

64. Cancer definitely sucks, no two ways about it

Both my parents had it, and ALL of their siblings has it. Only one grandparent made it to age 80.
With me, it's not "if" but "when," and I'm 70.
My wife has had cancer twice, one time battling a form known among German oncologists as "the murderer." She beat it both times.

My parents and their siblings all smoked at one time, though some stopped in their 40s or 50s. None of us ever did. Maybe that will help, maybe not. I had one cousin die of a glioblastoma at age 41. My wife's brother died of it fifteen years ago. To say cancer runs in the family would be understatement of the year.

The days when cancer will be cured by "take two of these and call me in the morning" are decades or centuries off, if ever. The likelihood of my joining you is very high, and every day that gets put off is a bonus day to me. Kudos for your guts in facing this, even if you never had a choice.

[LuckyCharms]

65. Hang tough, Bob...

Your attitude is fantastic!

Your positivity is going to help you.

People beat cancer.

Take each day as it comes. Day by day, minute by minute.

You seem like a very nice person. The world is fortunate to have people like you around.

I'm going to be thinking about you, and I'm going to be thinking that you are going to be alright.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

69. Update June 5, 2022

Whoo hoo, radiation is done. They let me ring the brass bell in the reception area, and I did keep the teddy bear they gave me. You’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands.

Chemotherapy continues on, have an appointment tomorrow morning. Hoping the port gets installed soon, veins in arms are getting bruised. I believe there are 5-6 weeks of chemotherapy to go.

All in all things could be much worse. Radiation has shrunk the tumors, and they are expected to continue to shrink. So far radiation side effects have been nil, just a bit of skin dryness on my back. So far nothing from the chemotherapy, although I suspect this may change as treatments accelerate. Surgery is not even on my event horizon as of yet.

[question everything]

70. Great! You are doing well

[DFW]

72. Living with a 2 time cancer survivor, that sounds like a best case scenario

Given that advanced cancer sucks big time to begin with, that sounds like the evil stuff is responding to the heavy stuff as the oncs hoped it would. You're not at the end of the tunnel yet, but at least you can see some light there.