Help! Cat issue

[GaYellowDawg]

My girlfriend and I are moving in together, but she has a cat and I am severely allergic (Class 5 allergy, so trying to medicate with antihistamines isn’t going to work). Her daughter was going to adopt him but could not manage. We have tried to find relatives or friends who could take him but have been unsuccessful. She very much loves her cat and we are horrified at the idea of taking him to a kill shelter, and the non-kill shelters in our area have no room to spare. I would be happy to pay any costs associated with getting him to his new home. He is good with children and other cats, but is very vocal and would need to be trained to not be as vocal. He is 6 and has all of his shots and has been spayed. He has been an indoor/outdoor cat. I love my girlfriend very much, and I really want her to know that her cat is in a good, loving home.

Can anyone help or suggest anything?

[spooky3]

1. This isn't the answer you're seeking but I would reconsider

Moving in together. The cat is part of your girlfriend’s family and giving it up is going to be very painful.

You could try contacting rescue groups and explaining your willingness to pay for the cat’s needs until it is adopted. But I agree that rescues are up to their eyes in animals, especially right now, on the cusp of kitten season.

[GaYellowDawg]

2. This isn't casual.

We are going to be married. She is already moving from out of state to live with me, and that trigger can’t be un-pulled. Honestly, I can’t imagine a less helpful answer.

[spooky3]

4. Honestly, I never suggested anything about the seriousness,

And I can’t understand the callousness in your original post and in your reply. Having done animal rescue for many years, I am being honest with you about reality, and you have already run into dead ends with other alternatives.

[secondwind]

6. I hear you. This was unnecessary

[GaYellowDawg]

10. Wow.

I am trying every alternative that I can to help my girlfriend find a home for her cat. She has hit a point where putting a halt to the move can’t be done; giving notice at her job, etc. We thought her daughter would be adopting him. She would have been able to visit her daughter and still be able to see him. Her daughter brought him back too late to stop the move. I think absolutely hate that her cat can’t move in. It’s a medical condition that I can’t help. I actually like cats, and I get along with them very well, and it’s heartbreaking that this choice has to be made.

You have already implied that my relationship with her is irrelevant compared to hers with her cat, and now you’ve called my character into question. I was told that there would be people out there who would be incredibly judgmental and not care anything about circumstances, and be awful. I hoped that wouldn’t happen, but thank you so much for making that caution come true. Please don’t respond. You and the person who agreed with you are truly awful people who have no consideration for what is a terrible situation. If anyone else is reading this who is getting judgmental, please keep it to yourself as you are no help and that’s what I’m looking for, not someone to impugn my character.

[secondwind]

5. Wow 😮

[GaYellowDawg]

15. Wow is right.

It’s hard to believe you would join in like that.

[applegrove]

3. I would write a blurb exactly as you did and take a photo of the

Cat and make photocopies. I put one up at the vets office. Some idiot college student gifted me a cat (she was walking around the street saying do you want a cat, "do you want a cat" to strangers. She had got him as a kitten her first term and it was spring so I guess she could not take him home for the summer). I had him spayed and put that in my blurb. Posted it at the vet's 'free to a good home'. Within a few days a family called me. If you live in a city there must dozens of vets offices. Cat lovers congregate there. Good luck. Be sure to mention your cat has been spayed.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

7. Dont say free to good home

This is how some vivisectionists get ahold of animals.

[GaYellowDawg]

11. I'm not planning that at all.

I want to know that her cat is going to a loving home.

[Laffy Kat]

36. How about instead of giving it away, you charge a token amount?

You'd be less likely to get people wanting to harm the kitteh.

[Bayard]

8. At the risk of getting the same kind of answer as Spooky3,

I think there's more you can try yet besides asking your girlfriend to give up her beloved cat. Allergy shots? The spray that you put on the cat that damps down the dander?

"Horrified at the idea of taking him to a kill shelter." I can't imagine that even being a consideration. "Needs to be trained to not be as vocal." Not going to happen.

How did you guys date? You didn't go to her house? You weren't irritated by cat dander on her clothes and skin?

The first time my ex came to my house, he informed me he was very allergic to cats. I said--I'm sorry to hear that. It's been nice knowing you. We ended up being married 30 years. He adapted.

[GaYellowDawg]

12. I've had a rheumatologist assess me for allergies.

At the level allergy I have, allergy shots are going to take months to work, and there are no guarantees they’ll work at all. My girlfriend and I have been long distance dating and she has visited me. I haven’t been able to visit her because I am the sole caregiver for my mother, who has dementia. I went this weekend to her house to help her with moving things out of her house and even though she’d cleaned and I took maximum strength nonprescription antihistamines, I still had shortness of breath, my face got puffy, and I got hives.

A kill shelter was never, ever, ever an option. I have told her to bring her cat and I’ll get prescription antihistamines until either I can’t tolerate them or until we can find a rehome.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

13. I had allergy shots

Several rounds of them for about a year it has helped immensely. You have to get the diagnostic where they test reactions with lots of little shots. But it is so worth it. I was not allergic to cats,but was to a shitload of other things

Maybe with shots you could end up snuggling with kitty too.

[Duppers]

19. Add to the helpful list...

Purina Pro Plan Live Clear - it significantly reduces allergens in cat dander.

My husband has bad cat allergies and this has been proven to be most helpful. However, you must give it at least 2 months for all the toxins to clear the kitty's system.

And thanks, Bayard, for this recommendation.

[GaYellowDawg]

29. I wasn't aware of this

I’ll definitely try that.

[Deuxcents]

9. Where do you live?

[GaYellowDawg]

14. I can PM you.

I don’t want to post any personal information on here after the responses I got above.

[Deuxcents]

16. Long hair, short hair..more info.

There’s enough animal lovers here to try to help you.

[GaYellowDawg]

17. Short hair.

He’s had all of his shots and has been neutered. He’s 6. She’s had him for 3 years as she adopted him. He’s a sweet cat and gets along with people and other cats. He has been an indoor/outdoor cat who is somewhat of a hunter. He’s about 9 pounds.

[Big Blue Marble]

18. If she very much loves her cat and her cat is bounded to her

this is going to be terrible for the cat even if you find "a good home.

I adopted a cat who had been turned in at about the same age.
He never completely got over the trauma even though we loved him
for 10 years.

Cats with few exceptions should be forever companions. Even
moving away from his home would be difficult. Cats are very connected
to their spaces.

Please find away for your girlfriend to keep her cat; do not dispose of
it like used furniture to pass along to the next person. There will be
no accountability if you are moving away and not adopting through
an agency. I have seen cats end up being passed from home to home
like foster children to an unfortunate result.

Her cat is part of her family; do not ask her to abandon it.

[Duppers]

20. Absolutely! Amen!

Pets bond in the same way people do.

People should not discount this bond & love.

[GaYellowDawg]

30. No one is discounting it.

And I don’t know why people are determined to get on this thread and say things like that.

[GaYellowDawg]

23. It's unreal the kind of assumptions that people make.

I did not ask my girlfriend to give up her cat. She made the decision to move in with me. I asked her to be sure of the decision and I feel completely awful that I can’t take her cat in. As far as the move goes, she couldn’t stay in her place because her landlord raised her rent by almost 1K after the property values in her neighborhood skyrocketed. Sometimes circumstances dictate a move and it has to happen no matter how a pet feels about it.

And if I was the kind of person to dispose of a cat like used furniture, I wouldn’t care enough to get on here and put up with shitty things being said about me so that I could try to find it a good home (no quotation marks needed, thanks).

[Deuxcents]

21. I am a cat parent to Ruby

I’ve had a few over the years. They’re not fond of change..at all. Anything out of place or moved is noticed. I’m hoping adjustments can be made with the new life for the cat that’s loved n the allergies you have. Might need air filters n other adjustments on your part but please..no shelters. That would really be cruel. I had a brainstorm for a minute thinking some of us here could help..and they did.

[GaYellowDawg]

26. No shelters.

I’ve told my girlfriend that I’ll get on prescription antihistamines until he can be rehomed to someone she can trust to provide a loving home. I’ve been on high powered antihistamines - ranitidine and doxepin - because of stress-induced dysesthesia, and I know I’m in for a truly miserable time.

Change had to happen because of her landlord. Nothing she could do about it.

[MindHowYouGo]

22. I'm sorry that you're going through this

and am surprised by some of the responses you've received. It sounds very much as if you're trying to do the right thing.

I volunteer at a no-kill shelter. We likely don't live in the same state but there might be a like-minded shelter in your area. The shelter tries very hard to keep pets with their families. Everything from a pet food pantry to temporary boarding for families facing eviction, etc. as well as situations like yours. We have a network of local fosters who work with families to find solutions for issues like what you're facing. There may be a foster in your area who would take in your cat for a few weeks (or months) while you see if it's possible to address your allergies. Skilled fosters know how to support older cats who are very bonded with their humans. If it's ultimately not possible for your cat to live with you, the foster would carefully screen potential adopters.

My advice would be to connect with "cat people" in your area to learn about potential foster networks. Are you on Nextdoor? I'm not a fan in general but it's a great way to connect with caring pet people.

Finally, for what it's worth, I adopted an older cat after one of her humans passed away and the other went to a nursing home. After a few transitional months we bonded and she was the most loving cat I've had.

[GaYellowDawg]

28. Thank you

I hadn’t considered a temporary fostering while getting allergy shots. I’m going to talk to her tomorrow about just that.

[JarOCats]

24. I understand your situation...

...but I am absolutely aghast that you are even considering a kill shelter.

I wish I could take him, but I can't. We have a houseful of cats (who are not friendly to strangers), and can barely make ends meet.

Just don't take him anywhere there's a risk they'll put him down. Have you ever seen how they mass-kill unwanted pets?

On edit: typo

[GaYellowDawg]

27. Jesus Christ, I'm not considering a kill shelter.

Don’t people read for comprehension any more?

[JarOCats]

32. Sounded to me like it was a consideration.

"...we are horrified at the idea of taking him to a kill shelter, and the non-kill shelters in our area have no room to spare."

Why even bring it up if it wasn't an option? (Rhetorical question.)

In any case, I sincerely wish you the very best of luck in finding the right home for him, and soon. I mean that.

[vanlassie]

34. Really? You read this whole thread before responding and

didn’t get that the OP was making it very clear that a kill shelter was NOT an option? I don’t think they could have been more sincere. And you think “bringing it up” is questionable.
I’m shocked at your casual accusation as well as the other judgy responses here. It reminds me of another group I belong to where people sometimes proudly post photos of a room they have redecorated and they get blindsided by a bunch of comments highly critical of their taste! This is ten times worse.

[JarOCats]

35. I apologize.

I don't think it was the end of the world, but I apologize.

Actually, maybe Twitter isn't the only platform I should quit today.

[Ialwaysvote]

25. How about a catio? (If you have room)

The cat can still be indoor (covered catio) and then also outdoor if you want to let him out to roam a bit. You can buy a catio or make one yourself like we did. Google catio for images and ideas.

[Haggard Celine]

31. Try putting an ad on Craig's List. That's where I got my cat,

and we get along great. He was 10 months old when I got him and now he's going to be two in a couple of weeks. The people who had him had a little girl who was allergic to cats, so they had to find another place for him. The poor woman who was closest to him couldn't even come downstairs when I came to get him.

When I got him home, he went to my bedroom and stayed under the bed for the first two days. I already had the food and water out for him and I had set up the cat box. I didn't try to get him from under the bed. I just let him take his time. He finally came out on the third day and ate. Soon after that he started coming up to me.

The people who had him before me told me to keep him inside, he was an indoor cat. Well I have big yard, and he was always in the windows looking out. So finally one day when I opened the door, he went running outside. I thought he left me at first, but he came back the next day, meowing really loud outside the door. So now I let him come and go as he pleases, and he seems to be very happy. I see him chasing squirrels outside and running around with the other cats who hang out here. He's the only cat I let inside, though.

There are good people who go on places like Craig's List to find pets. Just interview very carefully the people who respond to the ad. I know y'all must feel awful about having to give him up, but we have to make difficult choices sometimes. Good luck, and I hope this story has a happy ending for everyone.

[Maraya1969]

33. I had 2 outside cats and I could not deal with the death and destruction they were bringing into my

house through the dog door all the time. I contacted cat rescue places and they were all full but one I ended up making large donation and gave them about 3 cat trees and anything else I could to help.

Remember the good places spend a lot of money taking care of these animals and finding them good homes. Be generous and they might help.

[IcyPeas]

37. I am sorry about your condition. but a pet is a lifetime commitment.

I hope you find a positive outcome.

[Doremus]

38. How has your allergy not kicked in when you're with your gf?

For someone as allergic as you are, the smallest residue left on skin or clothing could trigger an attack. I've read about kids in school whose classmates consumed peanut butter at their own homes triggered anaphalactic reactions in the allergic kids due to miniscule residue on their breath/clothing/etc.

I think another visit to the dr (preferably one specializing in allergies) is in order. Something isn't right.

Okay, just read the reply where you go into more detail. My suggestion is to follow through with those allergy shots and in the meantime keep the cat in a separate area of the house if possible. Most importantly regularly bathe him/her to remove the dander that is the source of cat allergies. Good luck.

[Fla Dem]

39. I found a dehydrated little 4 month old kitten in the driveway next to my house.

She was in such poor condition, she couldn't stand up. Long story short. I got her to the vet and she recovered to be an active, feisty little girl. But the trouble was I have asthma and allergies. I was using a prescription inhaler 3-4 times a day along with an allergy medication each night. So I couldn't even think to keep the little girl. I reached out to all my friends who ARE cat people to adopt her, but they all said no.

16 years later she's still with me. Amazingly I'm down to just using the inhaler before I go to bed and I take the allergy pill as needed, like now during pollen season.

I still can't pet or hold her and then get my hands near my eyes or they become instantly inflamed and irritated and I have to rinse them thoroughly with water. I do hold her, she gets in my lap and sleeps at the bottom of my bed. My Doc says that sometimes your immune system adjusts to an irritant over a prolonged period of exposure and develops a resistance. Not saying that would be your situation, just letting you know what happened to me.

I just think it would be a shame for your girlfriend to give up her pet. None of my business, but who knows how long term your relationship might be. She gives up her beloved pet and a year from now you 2 are no longer an item. Not saying that would happen, and I surely hope it doesn't, but if it does, in the end she's lost you both.

How about giving it a year and see what happens. I assume you're around the cat now, what's your reaction?

[3catwoman3]

40. The primary allergen that triggers symptoms in humans...

...is a protein in cat saliva, not the dander or the hair. Because cats groom themselves so faithfully, they always have dried saliva on their fur.

Here is a link to an article that discusses how dietary changes in the cat may help this problem.

https://www.aaha.org/publications/newstat/articles/2019-06/study-shows-a-change-in-feline-diet-could-curb-cat-allergies-in-people/#:~:text=The%20primary%20allergen%20that%20stimulates,an