How do you know when a relationship is over....married or just partners.....how do you know...

[a kennedy]

[Tree-Hugger]

1. When...

...you are asking on DU.

[a kennedy]

2. ♥️

[bucolic_frolic]

3. Wow, an open-ended question

I would say ... when communication fails. Not necessarily because one or the other or both refuse to talk, though that can happen. It can also happen when the limits of communication skills, self-awareness are maxed out and neither side can expand them. That is an impasse. Couples counseling might help it, but both have to agree to do so.

There is also Marriage Encounter organization. They might have some useful ideas.

Hope this helps!

[pbmus]

4. If you are asking, it's over

[Major Nikon]

11. I always thought the reverse

If you aren’t asking then you’re taking each other for granted it isn’t ever going to end which is a good recipe for insuring it will.

[Shipwack]

5. Don't know, trying to figure out that myself right now :/

Then again, with my ex-wife, two things brought it home to me…

1) I went to a friend’s party, and I had a strange feeling. It took me a while but then I realized… I was relaxed and happy. I hadn’t felt like that in a few years. I then realized how screwed up it was that I had to go a couple of hundred miles away and sit with a bunch of strangers to feel that way.

2) We were lying in bed together, reading, and it felt like I was alone. There was no warmth radiating from her. That’s when I finally got the courage to tell her that I wanted a divorce. She just shrugged, said “ok”, and went back to reading.

[MOMFUDSKI]

6. Do what I did:

I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "You deserve better than this". Flip out the back Jack . . . .

[ginny skinny]

7. Way back in the day...

...before the internet and before Rush Limbaugh, AM radio here was ruled by self help gurus and on air psycho therapists. I once listened to a married couple that were both marriage counselors and when asked what to them was a sure sign that a relationship was over they replied "When the wife has contempt for the husband." According to them, almost any other marital or relationship problem could be overcome or worked through. When the wife had contempt for the husband, it was probably over.

Don't know why but that has always stuck with me. Maybe because it was true in my first marriage.

[Runningdawg]

9. Also true in my first marriage. The largest contributor to that feeling was his alcoholism.

[Major Nikon]

12. My first wife keeps calling me her future ex-husband

Should I be worried?

[ret5hd]

13. Ask what kind of time frame she has in mind.

[Major Nikon]

14. It's been well over 30 years

I reckon it’s gotta be any day now.

[hay rick]

21. The "first wife" tends to do that. nt

[UTUSN]

8. Concrete specifics: Separate beds, separate rooms, silence. Speaking from friends.

[Faux pas]

10. Lol

I knew my marriage was over when I started wishing I was a widow!

[bluedigger]

15. When the ex wanted sex in the back seat and asked me to drive.

No respect, I tell you. No respect!

[DFW]

16. I knew because a girl I adored told me it was over

I was 20. She had just entered one of the fancier Ivy League schools, and was jumped on by half the male student body. Auf Wiedersehen. So, I was miserable for a while until I met a fabulous young woman from the farm country of northwestern Germany. We were both 22, and already had such active lives, it was eight years before we got married, and even then, it was only because my brother invited us to our wedding. Now, almost 50 years later, we‘re both still so active that if it were over, it would be another 40 years before either of us would notice if there was anything wrong. So far, we haven‘t.

[Laffy Kat]

17. First you start sleeping in different beds.

There will be an excuse such as snoring. Then sex falls off. Then sex stops. Then the only thing you have in common is the kids. Lastly--and this is when you both need to move on--there will be signs of contempt for each other. You cannot rescue the relationship at that point. At least, that is how it was for my marriage.

I never cried once during the separation and divorce. I was excited to be starting a new chapter in my life. I never looked back. We were different people back then and simply grew apart.

[Coventina]

18. When you feel like killing yourself, or hoping for their death.

on edit: grammar

[Pharlo]

19. Sorry,

but LMAO here. I SO misunderstood the question. When I saw the original post, my first thought was 'when you go to the family Christmas dinner and your brother is there with a woman not his wife and you find out he got divorced 8 months ago.' That was how I found out.

[mnhtnbb]

20. Some good answers here.

I've been married twice-- 7 years and 32 years-- and between the two marriages I lived with someone for two years. Each time the relationship ended was for different reasons.

The last one came down to just not being able to do it anymore. The love had been gone a long time, but there had been a certain level of companionship that was comfortable. The trust was gone. I got tired of being rejected, disrespected, and verbally abused. I felt as though he really only wanted a housekeeper and someone to listen to him talk about himself. I was angry all the time. Most days I didn't even like the man. There were days when he'd be sleeping so late I actually wondered how I'd react if I went in to wake him and found him dead. That's a sure sign it's over.

In North Carolina, you have to be separated for a year before you can file for divorce. My husband made his first attempt at suicide on my birthday after I'd been gone four months. For the next seven months, he ignored all contacts from my attorney. I'd decided I would wait to file for divorce until after the holidays. He decided he'd rather be dead than divorced, so killed himself the day after his 76th birthday in December 2018.