All I can do is laugh.
I have this spreadsheet that I use to keep track of my monthly bills.
While going through the spreadsheet this morning, I noticed that the only bill I had left to pay this month was a quarterly premium due for a group life insurance policy. I've been paying this premium every quarter for decades. For discussion, let's say the quarterly premium is $150.
Every quarter this company sends me an easy to read bill in plenty of time to pay before the premium due date, which in this case is July 1, about 10 days from now. So I just go to my bank's online site, and cut them a check through my bank's bill paying service, and done. Easy.
Like clockwork, for some reason, about once every two years, this company gets a hair up their ass and doesn't send me a bill. I knew I was going to have a problem this month, because about a week ago, I got an email from them, asking me to pay the bill online. I just kept the email in my in box, assuming that they would send me a paper bill. Well, this morning, I figured that I better look into paying this bill, even though I have not received a paper bill in the mail yet, because it is getting close to the due date.
So I went to the email that I received and clicked on the link in the email. The link took me to a site where it told me I needed to set up an online account. Okay.
45 fucking minutes to set this account up.
First, you had to key in the first 3 letters of your last name. Check.
Key in your policy number. Okay.
I grabbed an old paper bill to get the policy number. It's a string of about 20 alpha-numeric characters. So I keyed it in.
"Sorry, that policy is not in our records".
Okay, I'm tired, must have typed it in wrong. I typed it in again. Same message.
So then I just tried typing in the numeric string of characters. Same message. Now I'm getting pissed, and I tried about 5 different variations of the policy number, and it was not accepting any of them. Times a wastin'. I got shit to do today.
I managed to figure out that you had to type in the middle 9 digits. Oh. That worked.
Then, you had to type in all of this other shit. The last thing said "Type the code below into the box provided.
Took me 5 tries. Is that a lower case L or a capital I? Is that fucker a zero, or the letter "O"?
Then, I'm trying to put in a password, and it took me about 10 tries because it kept getting rejected. So I decided to look at the password requirements and I felt like I was reading an encyclopedia. "Password must be between 8 and 13 characters in length. Password will be rejected if a sequential string of characters longer than two characters is contained within your last name. Password must contain at least two upper case letters, two symbols, and two numbers. Password must contain at least two characters. Do not use the following characters !,.$*()+".
I finally get in to where I can pay the bill. I click "pay online".
It brings me to a page that says I owe something like $127.42. I'm thinking that's not right, the bill should be $150. So I start reading the fine print and it says something like "Please be aware that you are only paying online for the cost of insurance. The portion of your premium attributable to the cash value portion of your policy must be paid through the mail by check". Also, please be aware that we do not accept credit cards for any online payments".
MOTHERFUCKER!!
I gave up on the online payment and decided to call customer service. My car insurance has 24 hour phone support, so I figured I'd take a chance and try it.
I called the customer service number, and instantly entered phone menu hell. Had to key in about 10 different things. last 4 of SSN, birthdate, policy number, etc. The last thing was my 5 digit zip code. It wouldn't accept it. Typed the same thing in about 7 times. Finally it took.
"If you are calling about payment on a group life insurance policy, you will need to speak directly to a customer service representative. Please press one if you wish to do so".
No problem. I pressed 1, put it on speaker phone, put some music on, and sat there with my thumb up my ass.
"Our office is currently experiencing higher than normal call volume. We apologize for the delay. We will be with you as soon as possible".
After about 12 minutes of being on hold I hear:
"We're sorry. Our offices our currently closed. Please call back after 8 AM central time".
Now, I'm all hassled up first thing in the morning, and my schedule is thrown off. I'll call them back after 800 central, but I had a really bad experience the last time I had to talk to someone there.
My anxiety has to do with the fact that that I have this personal rule of trying to never, ever get upset on the phone with customer service people. They have to deal with a lot of shit, so I try to be hyper-polite. But I remember the internal conflict I had with the woman I spoke to there the last time I called when the customer service woman took on an attitude with me and said something snarky like "Sir, it is not necessarily our responsibility to send you a bill, but it is certainly your responsibility to make sure your premium is paid on time".
I responded politely to her while thinking FUUUUUUUCCCCK YOUUUUUU.
I typed all of this out because I'm trying to kill time until 800 Central Time.
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