My "Lightyear" review: Is THAT what all the fuss was about?
We're all familiar with the Hard Right's opinion of the new Disney-Pixar movie "Lightyear." Apparently, because the film has been banned in several nations the Hard Right doesn't even like, due to the presence of an on-screen kiss between two women, this film should be shunned by all.
Naturally, the second I heard Senator Ted Cruz was against this picture I immediately went to AMC's website and bought a ticket.
Today I got to the theater and was told in no uncertain terms, "sir, you may not bring your 900-pound atomic clock calibrated in microseconds* into the auditorium." And it turns out I would have needed it to time this smooch because the Kiss That Will Consign Us All To Hell is about two frames long. The worst part is you don't even get to see the kiss, because the back of an actor's head is blocking the view.
They're also pissed off that Tim Allen doesn't voice Buzz. The Boeberts of the world claim it's because of his politics. I suspect it's because he's 69 flippin' years old and they needed a voice actor who sounds about 30 years younger. So they got Chris Evans, who plays Captain America. Pretty decent choice.
My capsule review: this is a wholesome and fairly cute tale of teamwork and redemption. I highly recommend it.
A few spoilers follow:
The film opens with an explanation that Andy Davis got a Buzz Lightyear doll because he was the main character in Andy's favorite movie, and that this is the movie.
Buzz and his best friend Alisha Hawthorne (voiced by Uzo Aduba) are flying a space exploration mission when they decide to divert to a habitable planet. Unfortunately, it's inhabited...by man-eating bugs and vines that behave like bobbit worms. The vines trash their spaceship, and the scientists being carried on the ship in suspended animation are thawed to enact repairs to the vessel. The scientists instead choose to build a city protected against the man-eating flora and fauna. Their antivine system isn't great, in that every once in a while a vine will work its way into the city and slurp down one of the residents, but aside from that...
Buzz and Alisha are Space Rangers and Space Rangers never abandon a mission, so they attempt to formulate a fuel that will get them into hyperspace. Space Rangers aren't trained chemists, so the fuel never performs properly. There's an even worse problem: Testing the fuel interrupts the space-time continuum so that for every minute Buzz is in space one year passes on the planet surface. Alisha gives Buzz a robotic cat named Sox, who perfects the fuel himself.
After Alisha, who as spaceship commander became the leader of the city after the crash, died of old age a Commander Burnside (voiced by Isiah Whitlock Jr.) takes over, stops the fuel research program because he's decided the colony has settled in, and attempts to have Buzz's cat euthanized. Buzz grabs the cat, jumps out the window, steals a rocket and tests Sox' fuel, which works properly. It also REALLY hoses the space-time continuum and society has advanced 22 years by the time he lands.
Then there's a long sequence involving Buzz, Sox and three other people, one of whom is Alisha's granddaughter, saving the planet and receiving a very high honor for doing so. You'll have to see the movie because it is a bit on the convoluted side.
It's beautifully rendered. It's funny, and touching in places. And it teaches the kiddies valuable lessons. I can't say enough good about this movie, or enough bad about the Republican trolls who are attacking it.
* No, I don't have an HP5061A clock, but I'd really love to have one.
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