How to Befriend Crows and Turn Them Against Your Enemies

[Ohio Joe]

A few months ago, I endeavored to imprint myself onto a bunch of ducks so they’d think I was their mother. It wasn’t great. All the ducks did was crap all over my house, and, my god, the constant quacking. So I’m moving onto crows. Instead of a gaggle of stupid ducklings following me around, I’m going to have a ton of crows—a murder of crows—following me around like a black cloud of menace. And I will use my personal crow army to destroy my enemies.

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-befriend-crows-and-turn-them-against-your-enemie-1849393502

Do I... Don't I... hmmmm

[MontanaMama]

1. Weird that you posted this.

I have a family of crows that comes to my back yard every day. Just this morning, the parents left the babies in the tree near my vegetable garden to go off and do who knows what. For the first time this summer, the babies didn't leave with the parents. They stayed and made baby crow sounds while I played frisbee with my dog. I was thinking about bating them down with food to try and befriend them. Maybe I can start a crow army too.

[genxlib]

2. Or just train it to pay you

There are several stories of crows and similar birds finding money for you

https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=87878028#:~:text=Inventor%20Trains%20Crows%20to%20Find%20Money%20Hacker%20Josh%20Klein%20wowed,crows%20to%20save%20human%20lives.

https://www.newsweek.com/where-can-i-get-one-bird-that-finds-money-owner-delights-internet-1715894

[ret5hd]

3. Would they eventually accept...

having lasers strapped to their heads? Then we’d be getting somewhere.

[sop]

4. Didn't Alfred Hitchcock make a movie about this?

[padah513]

5. I thought this was going to be a Rick and Morty skit lol

[Goonch]

6. 👇😱