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orleans

(34,086 posts) Sat Sep 3, 2022, 02:44 PM Sep 2022

found on fb: "accidentally used my husband's body wash and now..." (long post)

Last edited Sat Sep 3, 2022, 03:17 PM - Edit history (1)

accidentally used my husband's body wash and now i don't move out of the way when someone's walking toward me

these are only some replies--i just looked through the first 200 on over 117K replies! (fb page is ramblin mama). i've been debating whether or not i should post this. i copied some of these replies bc i wanted to show a friend of mine & they are not on fb anymore. btw--there are a lot more replies from women then from men on that thread

COMMENTS FROM WOMEN:
Now I can’t stop backing into parking spaces

Now I can’t seem to hear women speak and when I do I misunderstand.

Now i fall asleep in the LIVING ROOM where everyone gathers and then I get mad at people for gathering and waking me up

Now I never read the directions while building furniture. I like to put it together wrong to take it apart 5 times to build it right.

And now I give back rubs with a hidden agenda.

Now when people are coming over, I go out and hose down the entire back patio, including the cushions where people will sit.

Now I go to the store with a specific detailed list and always come back with the wrong things.

Now I get pain relief for things that aren’t actually painful and doctors listen to me when I tell them what’s wrong.

Now I feel like everyone needs to know what time I got up this morning

Now I can’t remember a thing my wife says, but I know the stats on every player in NFL history

Now I only complete tasks 80% of the way and say "I'll finish it tomorrow..." every day for the next week

Now I can just shout out an object I misplaced and I’m magically told where it’s located. I no longer worry about losing my things. It’s so freeing.

Now I have selective hearing

I accidentally used my husband's body wash and now I let someone tell me an entire detailed story about something important just to look up at them and say "huh?" when they are finished.

Now when a line forms at a restaurant behind us, I clap my hands together and say “looks like we got here at the right time!”

Now I won’t ask for directions

Now I snore at a such a level that Dolby surround sound tucked their tails and went back to the drawing board.

Now I have no clue where my kids are supposed to be at any given time this week.

Now I set trash BESIDE the trash can instead of throwing it IN the trash can.

Now I can’t find the ketchup in the fridge, but can locate a Turkey or deer in the woods off the interstate while going 70mph

Now I ask my husband to get on the phone to handle a service call, and while he’s talking and listening to the service person, I loudly correct him (when needed) and tell him EVERYTHING he needs to be saying.

Now every time I drive past a building I've worked on I have to say, "I worked on that building." Even when no one was wondering.

Now I stare suspiciously out the front window, partially hidden, every time a car uses my driveway to turn around.

Now when I'm getting the kids dressed I automatically pick out a mismatched outfit that's too small from the back of the closet.

Now I can’t put my dirty socks in the hamper.

I keep talking about wrench sizes & using words like chassis

Now I procrastinate painting the playroom for a whole entire year, give my wife a hard time for “nagging” me, and finally decide to start painting it the morning of our son’s high school graduation party.

Now when I check out at the grocery store and something doesn’t scan at first, I say “that means it’s free, right?”

Now I call my wife while at the grocery store to ask where I can find every item on my list.

Now I have only two pairs of tennis shoes. One for going out and one for mowing the grass. One for showin, one for mowin.

Now I'm equally as surprised when my kids open gifts!

Now i can go to sleep literally anytime, anywhere, no matter what is going on

Now I feel the urge to do yard work every time one of my neighbors starts up a lawnmower

Now I have an undeniable urge to clean the garage when guests are coming over.

I used my husbands body wash now I'm in the garage looking for a damn 10mm socket..

Now I read a post clearly for women to have some fun but can't help posting my own comments. Need me to explain that to you?

Now I’m constantly asking family members to “pull my finger”.

I was reminded that we're hosting a party at our house in 3 hours and I went out to reorganize the garage.

Now I stand in front of the drawer my spouse needs to open

Now when I do one household chore, I announce it as if I have donated a kidney, then await the marching band and confetti parade that I feel should follow.

Now it takes 1.5 hours to poop

Now I use a gallon size ziploc to hold the world’s smallest piece of leftover chicken.

Why do I feel like my husband may be married to multiple women

And now I use the word "we" so much more. "We made Thanksgiving dinner for our extended family." "We mailed a birthday card to _______." "We applied to a number of schools for our little boy." But all these things seem strangely effortless!

Now I stand in the other room and say “whatever” every time she reads one of these comments

Now when we have company, instead of cleaning the actual house I do something really important like vacuum the attic.

Now I babysit the kids so my partner can have an hour to grocery shop by themselves. Then I wink 😉 at them knowing I’m definitely getting laid tonight for my efforts

Now I piss everywhere but in the toilet.

Now I organize the junk drawer whenever my wife says she needs help with the housework.

Now I can't remember my anniversary or my Mom's birthday but I can quote a thousand lines from Seinfeld and which episodes they're from.

Now when I see someone I know in public I say “Guess they let anyone in here!”

Now I explained to a woman how her body worked this morning.

Now I test the stud finder by running it across my own chest before hanging a mirror so high no one else in the family can see themselves in it

Now I don't know how to use the microwave and keep asking over and over again how many minutes to heat up the leftovers.

Now I lose my wallet and keys every 3 hours and ask my wife if she's seen them

Now I sneeze loud enough to wake the dead with no warning.

Now, I literally place the new roll of toilet paper on top of the little bar thing because the spring mechanism has become too taxing

Now when the kids say, "I'm hungry" I say, "Hi Hungry, nice to meet you"

Now I can’t stop saying, “you know what fixes that?”

Now I have a box of mystery electrical cords.

Now I can’t stop saying, “That used to be a Pizza Hut,” as I drive around town.

So… we all have the same husband?

Now I will be excited to see what “I” bought my family for Christmas

Now when someone says they're tired I take it as a personal challenge to be the most tired

Now when my spouse says “ my throat kind of hurts “ I say “ I’ve got something for that “ and I laugh hysterically like it’s the first time I ever cracked that joke

Now when I answer the phone I say “Murphy’s Mule Barn, head ass speaking.”

Now I'm reading these comments and getting huffy and say things like, yeah but what about what you do

Now I look at what my wife is cooking and say things like, “whatcha making?” And, “what’s burning?” And, “do I have time to take a shower?”

Now when I’m asked to put up dinner instead of using tupperware I’ll just stick the whole pot/pan in the fridge

I didn't hear my kids calling my name 2' in front of me because I was distracted by the cartoons they were watching

Now when my crotch itches, I just get all in there and take care of it. Proudly.

Now, when we’re getting ready to leave the house, I let my wife get 3 kids ready by herself and when they’re headed to the car, I remember I have to poop for an hour and a half.

Now I am on my death bed every time I catch a cold

Now I materialize out of nowhere on comment threads like this to scream "NOT ALL MEN!!"

Now my hobbies are all highly technical and I'm buying $2000 worth of "equipment" for them.

Now I’m never wrong and everyone that’s unhappy with my attitude is probably hormonal.

Now I’m not sure if we have milk or not

Now my common cold requires immediate hospitalization.

Now I open packages like a squirrel. Resealable you say? Not if you tear it open like you’re trying to gut a fish.

Now I overly tighten the garden hose nozzle so no one but me could ever get it off, even if they use a wrench.

Now, I stand in front of the fridge staring at the mustard, while asking my wife where the mustard is.

COMMENTS FROM MEN:

Accidentally used my Wife’s exfoliating wash and now I wake up at 2am and ask Her if the iron is unplugged, is the stove off, are the kids breathing and did “we” lock the car….

ladies now that you smell great
do u know what u want to eat

I used my wife’s body wash and I’ve been shopping for “just a couple things” at Target for the last 3hrs

I used my wife’s body wash. Then I spent $200 on fall decor at Target in August because it earned me $3 worth of points to spend on Christmas decor when September arrives.

You're mocking us, aren't you....

I accidentally used my wife’s body wash and haven’t eaten dinner in three days…
because I can’t decide what I want. 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

I used my wife’s car and now I eat everyone else’s french fries instead of ordering my own

I feel attacked by about 99% of you. Stop stalking me.

My wife used my body wash, now she puts gas in the car before the light comes on and doesn't bring up shit that happened August 3rd 1992 at 7:58 p.m.

I used my wife’s soap and now I want a divorce

Accidentally used my wife’s body wash and now I can see right where everything in the fridge is!

I accidentally used my wife's body wash.... and now taking off my bra after work is the best part of my day.

I used my wife's body wash. Now there are 13 amazon packages at the front door

My wife used my body wash and now she won’t stop explaining to me how simple things work…

Accidentally used my wife's body wash, now I take selfies like this