Miserable and not sure what to do.

[qwlauren35]

Last edited Fri Oct 14, 2022, 04:28 PM - Edit history (1)

After 3 years of this "grand experiment", I just don't think I'm cut out to work from home. I'm lonely.

And this book thing has become an addictive spiral that I don't know how to get off of. Each sale is a "fix", each review is a "fix". And I'm spending more and more just to get my "fixes". A friend of mine asked if I had a budget. Nope. No budget. I keep funneling my money into this pit.

Over the summer, I would go visit an octogenarian down the street. I said it was because she was lonely. No, it's because *I* was lonely. My husband suggested that I should stop ordering stuff and go into stores. I think it might help. Just being around people.

What I would like to know:
- how do you find people to interact with when you are lonely?
- how do you break addictive behaviors?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was making progress with the book selling addiction... but someone yanked me back into spending money. I am furious with myself, but I'll just have to recognize that recovery is a journey.

I have signed up for a class that starts in a week. I think that will engage me and help me focus on something new. I am okay with classes taking the place of spending money to sell the book. It has a finite price tag. Tuition, fee, book. That works for now. This winter, I get to choose between Philosophy, Ethics and Preparing for the Future. I will definitely be engaged.

[blm]

1. Volunteer a few hours a week at a

Habitat for Humanity Restore or Council on Aging.

Both do good locally where you can see the results of your efforts.

[trof]

6. Or Friends of the Library.

If you don't have a 'Friends' group, start one. Raise money for your local library, meey people who like books.

[blm]

7. ✔️

[RobinA]

19. Yeah, This

If nothing else, use the library for books. I had to break the buying habit because of space and money. Even small libraries usually have loans from other libraries, so you can usually get what you want. Can't speak to loneliness, I've never been lonely. I love being by myself. Now that being said, I don't work from home, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it, so...

[SoBlueInFL]

21. I totally agree with using the library r/o

I've run out of space for more bookcases and am lucky to have a good library system. I can't always find what I want in our county but inter-library loan has been fantastic. I think I must be a power user because I always max out how many items I can request each month. I have also been pleasantly surprised at how many foreign or relatively obscure DVDs I've been able to find. It has saved me many a rental on Prime.

I work from home and it's not always ideal for maintaining one's mental health. The combination of staying in due to Covid-19 coupled with working from home has gotten to be maddening.

[SheltieLover]

22. Welcome to DU!

We have a wonderful Fiction group:

https://upload.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1193

Main post / chat time, so to speak, is Sun. Mornings around 10am Central to discuss what we've been reading.

There is also a nonfiction group.

I read about 1 cozy per day. Lol

[SoBlueInFL]

24. Thank you! I love mysteries, too.

[SheltieLover]

25. Yw!

Glad to hear!

Who are your fav authors?
I love Jana DeLeon's work, David Rosenfelt, Ellery Adams, Fern Michaels... lol I could go on all day.

I hope to see you in the Fiction group!

[Tanuki]

2. Some thoughts:

You might try joining a service organization or other volunteer activity. Your local library or bookstore might have book discussion groups. An adult education class? Some craft stores have workshops and classes. Gardening club? Birdwatching group? Writers' room?
Are you familiar with meetup.com? Local people self-organizing around a wide variety of interests.
https://www.meetup.com/

I would imagine that now, as we emerge (at least somewhat) from the worst of the pandemic, a lot of people would share your desire to reconnect with society!

[Karadeniz]

3. Humane societies are full of nice people...

[genxlib]

4. For starters

There is an election in a month.

Lots of doors to be knocked on, corners to be manned, voters to drive...

Second the recommendation on adult education. The local library, university and school board all have cool programs where I live. You might be surprised if you go looking.

As an outside suggestion, you may want to try a Unitarian Universalist fellowship. All the activities and community of a church environment but without the god stuff. UU Principals and DU principals align very closely.

I have been saying all along that this working from home thing is not for me. Its not just needing people around. I need change of environment.

Hope you are feeling better.

[qwlauren35]

31. Signed up for a class.

I think it will help.

[Jack the Greater]

5. I find that my Buddhist practice brings into contact with the most positive and wonderful people...

... and it enables me to find the most positive and wonderful me, even amid the muck. In fact, without the muck, the positive and wonderful could not blossom.

[qwlauren35]

9. Yes, it does.

I practice with Nichiren Shu in California, and they are truly great people. I am very happy with them. They make me feel as though I have found the Buddhism I was always looking for.

I started practicing with the SGI when I was 17, and never felt such utter peace as when I listen to Mark Herrick explain Nichiren's teachings from the Nichiren Shu perspective.

I should make sure to attend on Sunday.

Thanks for reminding me how important it is.

[usonian]

11. My goodness, you have the key to happiness.

You have a great talent, and you'll get great encouragement and appreciation from others. We all complement each other. That's the profound message of the "Innumerable Meanings" section of the Lotus Sutra.

I live alone, and 50 miles from friends. Motivating myself to practice is a challenge, but finding this post is an inspiration. Count on Jack and myself if you need encouragement.

I didn't know how to help you, but now I know. I'll chant for your happiness and success.

[Jack the Greater]

15. I notice you have afrobougieblues.com as a signature

I thought at first is was a site devoted to African popular music. I am a huge fan of African popular music.

You can find a local community of Buddhist practitioners near you who would be happy to reach out to you about activities in your area.

https://www.sgi-usa.org/find-a-local-center/

[SheltieLover]

8. Volunteer to get Dems elected!

As for your book "fix," not sure if you're buying or selling but, if the former, get ebooks from library instead of buying.

[qwlauren35]

10. I'm selling.

[SheltieLover]

14. Well then, congrats are in order on your publication!

[UTUSN]

12. DU

[Eko]

13. My opinion, the best thing you can do

Is get a dog. You get a best friend, someone who is always there for you, loves to go places and loves for you to take them places, loves to eat, to nap, to play. Get a dog.
Eko.

[qwlauren35]

30. Got a dog.

Best dog ever. I need to strengthen my leg so that I can take him on walks.

He sleeps most of the day. He is at my side as we speak.

[Alpeduez21]

16. The best advice I got for addictive behavior is this

“You can’t think yourself I into right action but you act yourself into right thinking”
Do something other than reclicking to check reviews and stuff.

[qwlauren35]

29. Hmmm...

I will try to make a list of alternatives. But I can't seem to quit cold turkey. I'm trying to learn to space it out.

I sold 8 books today. 3 is normal.

It's a major high.

[JuJuChen]

17. how old are you out of curiousity?

[qwlauren35]

18. 58

[Mr.Bill]

20. Volunteer at your local hospital.

You get out of the house, around people, and everyone is wearing masks. Clean environment to be in.

[ificandream]

23. There are several outlets for free e-books and audiobooks.

You can even find them on Amazon. Libravox has free audio. Just Google. (And e-books are the only way to go, IMO.)

[qwlauren35]

28. Listening nightly

I have Hercule Poirot's short stories. They are awesome. I think there are 50 of them. I listen to about 1 per night, not every night.

[womanofthehills]

26. " How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything"

Written by one of the early cognitive behavior therapists, Albert Ellis. He was the creator of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. A good read for a happier life. It’s been 40 yrs since I’ve read and listened to his books but his messages have always stuck in my mind.

Thru work, I went to one of his workshops in the 70’s

[qwlauren35]

27. Hmmm...

Something to look into.

Thanks!

[Aristus]

32. ...