Etiquette question involving guns

[gollygee]

I hope this doesn't go to the gungeon. I think it's more of an etiquette issue than a gun issue. I just know there are people who are into guns here and I have to deal with a gun issue with a person who is into guns and I want to be nice. Help me know how to say this nicely. This is the only place I can ask where I know people are into guns and will be able to give me his perspective.

Family member has guns, and has a concealed carry permit, and usually does carry a gun. Maybe always? We don't allow guns in our house. We have young kids and don't want guns around them. They scare the crap out of me. You can say I'm silly to feel that way, but the fact is that it's my house and there won't be any guns here.

Family member has asked to visit us and stay in our guest room. The answer is, "Yes and I'd love to have you visit, but only if you don't bring any guns." Is there a nice way to say this? Is he going to get upset with me? He's a nice person and we truly care about each other, but he is VERY into guns and gun rights. He knows I don't like guns so he a) might already be planning to not bring guns, or b) be worried that I won't let him bring a gun or guns as gun rights are a very important issue to him.

He would be driving (a fairly long distance) and not flying, so airplane security is not an issue.

[MicaelS]

1. I would say to them..

"I know you value your Right to Keep and Bear Arms, and you have a concealed carry permit, but we simply do not want any guns in our home. Please respect our decision and leave your guns at your home. If you feel you must have your gun, then you will have to get a motel room. We do not care to discuss this any further. "

[HopeHoops]

2. Simple. Your house, your rules. "Stand your ground" so to speak.

[Denninmi]

3. Don't be ambiguous.

Just be polite but direct. Say, "we don't believe in guns in our house, we don't want them around our children, and you are welcome but please leave any weapons at home."

[MiddleFingerMom]

4. The answer is easy... IF you're truly interested in "etiquette".

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You treat this the same as an alcohol- or tobacco-free house. You get him to
agree to keep his gun(s) secured out in the trunk of his car (just as if he
were going to go into a federal building, etc. -- where guns aren't allowed).
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Otherwise, offer to help him find other low-cost lodging in your area.
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Respect goes both ways. Yours... and his.
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[ManiacJoe]

7. This would be a good answer.

[littlewolf]

24. excellent ... nt

[Kali]

30. my answer too

leave it in the vehicle

respect

[susanr516]

44. I think MFM has the right idea nt

[HERVEPA]

5. No need to be nice.

He has his rights unfortunately.
Your family'swishes totally trump those rights in your house. If he's a reasonable person, he'll respect your wishes.
Do you know that he won't lie and bring a gun anyhow and just not tell you?

[gollygee]

6. I don't think he'd do that

Despite differences in political opinion and about guns, we get along very well and care about each other. I don't want to hurt his feelings, which is why I want a gentle way to say this to him, but he wouldn't lie about it.

[HERVEPA]

14. Understood. But you should definitely be direct and clear with him.

[lastlib]

18. Forget gentle, just state the facts, as above:

"You're welcome to come, but please leave your guns at home--we do not allow them here."

Your house, your rules. Period, end of discussion.

[pinboy3niner]

8. You said it perfectly in your OP

There's no better way to say it.

I feel the same way about guns. I used them for target shooting in Boy Scouts, and later I used them in military combat.

After VN I did some brief .22 rifle target shooting with a forest ranger friend, and went quail hunting once with a friend from the Army hospital where we recovered from our combat wounds. (I never shot at any quail that time, but I nearly got shot by other hunters.)

I don't own a firearm, and I will not have one in my house. Call me crazy, but I was shot in the face and shoulder in combat and though I depended on firearms then, I have no love for them now.

[hack89]

9. "Yes and I'd love to have you visit, but only if you don't bring any guns." is perfectly fine

if he is a good person he will respect your wishes.

[datasuspect]

10. your house, your rules

it is incumbent upon a guest to observe the customs of the places he visits.

[MiddleFingerMom]

11. It's odd that so many who would ordinarily know the value of compromise AND sonstitutional rights...

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... are so adamant about being unwaveringly uncompromising about denying
this one.
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No comments about securing the gun(s) in the trunk of his car -- thus allowing
him his right AND respecting the sanctity of a person's home and rules?
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And "in my driveway" doesn't fly. I'm sure he could park somewhere
nearby completely off the property.
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This doesn't seem to be about etiquette NOR "mutual" respect.
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It disappoints me quite a bit.
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I don't know if I've ever been to "the gungeon", but this makes me believe that
its reputed toxicity is not just the fault of the gun "advocates".
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[shadowrider]

21. As I'm a regular poster in the "gungeon", you would not be incorrect nt

[Paladin]

28. "Target Rich Environment"?

Wishful thinking on your part.......

[MiddleFingerMom]

31. Um... that means "target-rich environment" for the bad guys. Step away from the keyboard.

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On horrible occasion after horrible occasion, it has been tragic fact.
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[hunter]

12. My mom would say, "If you bring a gun into my house I'll kill you."

My mom's a scary lady when she gets like that. Wild West.

[MiddleFingerMom]

13. My mom, too... probably.

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[Populist_Prole]

15. I believe in the right to own guns but you have a right to not have any in your home if you wish

You would not be at all out of line to request him not to bring a gun into your house, and unless he's a paranoid nut or control freak, he should amiably comply.

I had a similar problem once when a friend of mine came with me on a deep woods fishing trip several hundred miles out of state by car; my car. I get to his place and he's loading his gear and he then proudly shows his pistol to me and says, "here's our protection" and goes to place the pistol in the center console bin of my car. I'm like "whoaaaa, I'm not comfortable with that!". He goes on and on about how we never know what types we might run into ( in WV ) and how he'd rather have it and not need it that need it and not have it. I very tersely explained that: #1 He didn't have a concealed carry permit ( at the time ) and #2 Neither of us knew what the handgun legality was in any of the states we would pass through or be in. #3 If we get pulled over by a cop for any reason and the gun is seen by him, this is MY car and I'd be in every much amount of deep shit as he would be. #4 None of those reasons is worth the risk just because he has some irrational fear of some 'Deliverance' episode occurring and. He was madder then hell at me but he knew I was right. Funny thing is that he was thinking with so much testosterone and not grey matter he never thought of those points. He later admitted I was right.

[NightWatcher]

16. tell him to leave them in the car. nobody's packing in your house, so he wont be needing them

to put down any rouge bad guy.

Tell him your house is fairly safe so he can leave them in the car where no kids will be able to shoot themselves.

[TrogL]

19. That's not safe. It could be stolen.

Maybe if he brings some way of securing it like a strongbox or a small safe.

[loli phabay]

38. yup thats what i do. or i dont visit. if its your house then your rules

[NightWatcher]

40. my mom has the same rule, I leave my heater in the car

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

17. I'd bet that if you asked this question in the Gungeon ...

... you'd get the same answers as you are getting here: Your house, your rules.

And if your family member is very much into "rights", he'll understand and comply. There will be no problem.

Hopefully, he has a secure lock box installed in the trunk. It's a good thing to have, if you're going to leave a gun in the car.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

20. This is a gun thread.

[Ptah]

22. I don't think it started out as one.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

25. I do. But that is not to say that it is against the SoP which I find interesting:

Statement of Purpose

Our social forum. Relax with your friends and talk about off-topic stuff. The Lounge is supposed to be a friendly, welcoming place for everyone. No cliquish behavior. No drama. No political arguments.

[rug]

23. Etiquette question involving gums

Is it impolite to tell someone their gums are too large in proportion to their teeth?

TYIA.

[nolabear]

27. Ask him to lock it in the trunk or glove compartment when he's in your house.

Don't be afraid to tell him that you need to teach your children aobut guns in your own way and time, and that you will be very uncomfortable if he has the gun where they can see it. You can do it kindly. If he freaks out then it might be a choice between the company of his gun and the company of his family.

[4th law of robotics]

29. Your house, your rules

just tell him directly that he's welcome, his guns are not.

[Kaleva]

32. Explain to him your policy about not allowing guns in the house.

I'm sure he'll understand. As you said, he already knows how you feel about guns so it won't be a surprise.

It'd be a touchier situation, IMO, if you had asked him to drive a long distance and stay with you for awhile.

[gollygee]

33. OK well this turned out to be easier than I feared

I emailed him back with, "I'd love to have you stay with us, but we aren't comfortable having guns in the house. Are you OK with leaving them at home?" He emailed back within a couple of minutes, "I didn't think you'd want me to bring a gun so I wasn't planning to. Cool. See you next week."

Awesome

[HarveyDarkey]

41. That was my thought, you posted before I had a chance

If he already knew your feelings, it shouldn't be necessary to mention it.
Glad it worked out.

[susanr516]

45. Glad to see it resolved nt

[seabeyond]

46. ha ha. i was going to post that my husband would totally respect your preference and rules

he would probably do it without you asking. and be more than willing if you asked. so...

i am glad your friend was exactly that.

(long thread, i looked for an update before posting)

[sarisataka]

47. Excellent

my non-gun owning friends are ok with me carrying, but if any did object I would take no more offence than your friend did.
Hope you all enjoy your visit.

[baldguy]

34. If he respects you & respects your property, there will be no problem.

If he's a typical gun worshiper, nothing you can say will stop him from carrying a weapon into your home.

[gollygee]

36. See #33

It has good news in it.

[aikoaiko]

42. That's funny, you were owned by post #33 if you had cared to read the thread

[baldguy]

43. How? gollygee's friend is obviously a respectful person. Most gun worshipers aren't.

Seems you're suffering from a little projection, there.

[rrneck]

35. It depends on your individual relationship.

For most reasonable people just saying, "I don't like guns in the house" and he should be able to leave it locked in the car. If he can't accept that, perhaps a hotel would work better.

Depending on your level of discomfort and level of solicitous feeling toward the matter, there are any number of firearms security devices that would make the weapon perfectly safe in your home. He probably owns some of them. I don't think it would be rude to ask him to bring one along while he stays at your place. And if you wanted to be the host to end all hosts, offer to provide that equipment yourself, although I think that would be "above and beyond the call".

If he's unwilling to consider securing the weapon in the car or in your home, I would question his compatibility as a guest. It's your house, and he should respect that.

[gollygee]

37. See #33 :)

It went well.

[rrneck]

39. Ah. Shoulda read the thread first.

Glad everything worked out.

[pipi_k]

48. My take on this...

We have guns in our house. Mr Pipi has a concealed carry permit.

If someone were not comfortable with him having a gun in their home, they would be within their rights to say so, and he would either leave it home, or lock it in the car.

Right to carry doesn't mean a person gets to trample on the rights of others...especially in that person's own home.

A nice way to put this would be just like you stated it. Acknowledge that he has a right to carry, but tell him you are uncomfortable and ask that he not pack heat while he's in your home. If he gets pissed, well....that's really his problem.