Have a Happy New Years everyone. Just took my meds and have to go to sleep. Just got off the phone

[debm55]

to my family to wish them a Happy New Years. Told I ruined their Christmas by sending them a check for 200.00 because it it not their birthday but Jesus' birthday. Told what a usless piece of crap I am. their birthdays are more important. But Christmas Day, she told me they were stopping giving birthday gifts. Can't win. Cell phone slamed down. Can't tell my husband. Would like to take the wine in the refreg but I know not to mix. Thanks for letting me rant. Night all.

[FarPoint]

1. It's not you.....

Your sentiments were sincere and your expression of caring....don't accept their negativity.....they may have baggage and just applied displaced anger....it's them.

[debm55]

2. I was sexually, physically and verbally abused by them. She calls my adopted son a bastard.

[Demobrat]

3. And you still try to have a decent relationship with them?

You are a much better person than I.

[Ocelot II]

7. You do not need these toxic people in your life.

Dump them. They will always disappoint you. The fact that they are biologically related does not mean you have to love them or even like them or have anything to do with them. Your life will be greatly improved if you leave them out of it.

In the meantime:

[debm55]

6. But I'm the one taking taking anti depressant, 2 sleeping pills and see a counselor and shrink/

[tblue37]

4. I disengaged from my family decades ago. They never seemed to like me that much, so I

basically created a more loving family with friends.

You should not let unloving people undermine your self-confidence or your happiness. They obviously don't deserve you.

[Demobrat]

5. I did too.

Moved across the country and never looked back.

[debm55]

8. My husband it true angel, he has helped me see the light. I so very sad of the gaslighting from her

[localroger]

9. Sometimes you have to disconnect

I did not speak to my parents for 17 years. It was the only way to escape the gaslighting and constant negativity.

The good news is that it can (not inevitably, but possibly) correct. I did reconnect, when I realized they no longer were in a position to harm me. They weren't exactly repentant, but were much more respectful of my desires and lifestyle. It's often not about a disagreement but about a desire for control. You can't reason with that, you can only break it by denying the possibility of control. Once it's understood that you are in control, you can re-engage on reasonable terms. Sometimes. That doesn't work for everybody. Sometimes it's just too toxic to deal with.

[debm55]

10. Thank you all. Looking back, I was in a Catch 22 situation. It I sent the card and money, I was

wrong, If I didn't send any, I was wrong. I was told on Thanksgiving that I didn't send a card. Duh, I don't know you send Thanksgiving card. My husband's mother and father died a few years back. No sympathy cards to my husband. Sometimes, I feel that there is no way out for me. I have gone no contact. But Christmas is supposed to be a family time. I want that. Christmas, I was told no birthday cards. Yesterday, I was told there is still birthdays for all family members. Cards aren't enough--must have money in them. When I tell about the gaslighting, is when the phone goes dead. I am so tired of this all.

[634-5789]

11. Family can be /are toxic.