Jim Jordan Claims He Saw Trump Run A Mile In Under 6 Minutes Last Year.

[riversedge]

The chuckle of the day.






Jim Jordan Claims He Saw Trump Run A Mile In Under 6 Minutes Last Year.

I don’t think Trump even owns a pair of sneakers so I give this claim, 10 Full Diapers

PS: Did Trump’s bone spurs heal on their own? 🤣🤡🤡🤡

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Jim Jordan Claims He Saw Trump Run A Mile In Under 6 Minutes Last Year

Jun 20, 2022
https://dashmacintyre.medium.com/jim-jordan-claims-he-saw-trump-run-a-mile-in-under-6-minutes-last-year-b45573298ca9



Dash MacIntyre

3 min read
·
Jun 20, 2022

Photo by Gage Skidmore

Representative Jim Jordan claimed today that, in the last few months of Donald Trump’s presidency, Trump took up jogging as a hobby.

“A lot of people don’t know this, but President Trump rarely uses a golf cart when he goes golfing,” Jordan said in response to a question from a constituent asking him to reveal something voters don’t know about Trump. “Trump loves to jog from hole to hole.”

The crowd audibly groaned in disbelief, but Jordan continued.

“I thought I was in good shape, but I could barely keep up when I jogged with him a couple mornings! People think that President Trump is not in good shape because of his diet of almost exclusively fast food, and the fact that he starts to breathe heavily when he talks for more than twenty seconds, but I can assure you that the President has more endurance than anyone I’ve ever seen. I mean, you already know he barely sleeps, but I don’t know where all his energy comes from! The guy is a machine. And he really loves running. In fact, I raced him last year in a mile, and he beat me! I couldn’t believe it. By the end of the four laps of the track he was about to lap me! The guy has great form as well. His final time was under six minutes. The guy who timed us said Trump’s time was 30 seconds faster than Barack Obama’s personal record. There’s just nothing Donald Trump can’t do better than Obama, is there? Jimmy Carter, Reagan, both Bushes, and Clinton were all runners, too, but Trump’s faster than all of them!”

The crowd started laughing.

“No, it’s true! And you totally don’t expect Trump to be a good runner, you know? You’d think that the weird way he stands with his pelvis kind of curved and his hips bent awkwardly with his upper body leaning forward about 45 degrees and his arms dangling down as if he were a knuckle-dragging Cro-Magnon would impact his running form, but nope. You know, Donald Jr. and Eric both stand awkwardly like that, too, so I wonder if they’re great runners as well. Maybe agility is just in the Trump genes, like their great dealmaking. President Trump’s body might be a little round in the middle, sure, but I guess it acts like a cannonball being launched. It must make him more aerodynamic or something, because I saw with my own eyes…
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[Bluethroughu]

1. I just fell off the couch.

[brush]

5. Me too. trump run a 6-minute mile...an absolute lie.

Also, trump wouldn't play golf if carts weren't around.

[PJMcK]

8. Trump doesn't actually play "golf"

But he doesn't do anything in a proper fashion, does he?

[Bluethroughu]

9. He is a clown.

He is good at being the butt of the joke, and a "perfect" ass in life.

[brush]

11. He goes out on a golf course quite often, always in a cart. He has been known...

to, shall we say, "enhance" his score...

[PJMcK]

13. Caddies call him "Pele"

After the great soccer player because Trump kicks his ball out of the rough and into the fairway.

[ProfessorGAC]

21. Easy To Break Par...

...when one counts only 3 of every 4 shots. Or hits a green in regulation, is 50' out, picks up & says "Give me a birdie."
Oh, and Jordan is a liar.
TFG has been videoed on the golf course HUNDREDS of times and not once have we seen him jogging. We ALWAYS see him riding in a cart.

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

2. He might roll down a hill that quickly

Run? No way.

[BlueGreenLady]

3. Is he auditioning to be a writer for The Onion?? n/t

[sinkingfeeling]

4. Dash Macintyre is a comic and this is a political humor website,

[gab13by13]

6. Amazing,

and he probably still has scars from his bone spurs. 😂

[Jrose]

7. He must have been running his mouth as far from the truth as possible!

[dameatball]

10. It was a typo. He meant six months.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

12. McRib was back for a limited time...

[Bayard]

14. This is satire, right? Right?

He'd have a heart attack in the first 200 meters. The only way he'd run at all is to hang a Big Mac on a stick out in front of him.

Beyond ridiculous.

[sl8]

15. Yes, from the author of "Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post". nt

[Bayard]

16. Whew!

[rurallib]

17. he couldn't even drive a golf cart that fast

his gas pedal foot would cramp up.

[rsdsharp]

18. Trump rarely uses a golf cart.

By which he means Trump ALWAYS uses a golf car.

[AKwannabe]

19. Where's the Onion link???

[Laffy Kat]

20. Sure he did.

And I'm presently dating George Clooney.