Holy Shit

[LuckyCharms]

I've been estranged from my family for 13 years, ever since my mom died.

Just received an email from a family member saying they miss me and they want to talk.

I messaged this family member back, and I'm waiting for a reply.

This was the last thing I expected today.

I'm in shock and I have no idea how to react to this.

[marble falls]

1. With an open but cautious heart. I hope you get the best result.

[bucolic_frolic]

2. Be kind, maintain your boundaries

Think about how you will feel in the future if this or that plays out. What feels right in the moment sometimes does not age well.

[samnsara]

3. i have been estranged for almost 10 years from one side of the family including sibs..

....if they ever reach out to me I will ignore them.


they made their choice and I am not their personal confessional.



good luck with your family...

[Irish_Dem]

4. You need more information.

Listen to what they have to say.

Then think it over.

[LuckyCharms]

5. I was always on good terms with the person who contacted me.

I have not contacted them during this time for fear of stirring up a hornet's nest and therefore harming this person mentally, which I don't want to do.

I have been hoping for years that they would reach out to me, and they finally did.

Still awaiting a response.

[Irish_Dem]

6. Then this is good news.

I didn’t know the back story.

Still listen to what they have to say.
Things change over a decade.

But sounds like a long awaited positive development in your life.

[LuckyCharms]

7. It is.

I'm freaking sobbing here.

Damn.

[Irish_Dem]

8. Love comes back into your life.

Opening up a lot of emotions.

[FalloutShelter]

9. Good luck with

Accepting the olive branch.
All the best.

[PatSeg]

28. Well, it sounds like a good thing then

If a reunion is what you want, life is too short to hold on to any hurt or grudges. It is a positive sign that they are missing you.

I have been estranged from my family, so I can appreciate what you are going through. Good luck and I hope everything goes well.

[cilla4progress]

16. Great advice.

You can take time to respond.

[Irish_Dem]

32. Rarely do we have to make snap decisions.

We usually have time to think things over.
Sleep on it, etc.

[Wounded Bear]

10. I hope it works out for you and leads to reconciliation, at least with this one person, if not all of them...

[LuckyCharms]

11. I want to reconcile with this person...

but not with anyone else.

[LuckyCharms]

12. Yikes. Phone call in 10 minutes.

[Nittersing]

13. Big hugs!!!

[KS Toronado]

19. Good luck with that call!

[Marthe48]

14. I hope it works out the way you want

If you have second-guessed yourself over the years, you have a chance to see if you did the right thing for yourself at the time, and if you want anything to change now.

[skydive forever]

15. I wish you luck

Haven’t spoken to anyone in my family since 1988, and sadly, I no longer even miss any of them. But good luck to you.

[Katcat]

18. I hear ya

Haven’t spoken to my only sister in about 3 years. I told her that it was despicable of her and her husband to tell our brother that they were tired of taking him to his cancer treatments. At the time he started they were fine with taking him but I guess they decided he was no longer worth it. Still pisses me off that he died knowing how little they cared.

[PatSeg]

30. Oh my, that is so sad

I am so sorry that your brother had to go through that.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

17. Keep it on the level, on an even keel, and go with it

If they unbalance you, fondly disentangle again.

[ashredux]

20. I don't want to sound callous, but hold onto your checkbook ... but, hopefully I'm wrong.

[Katinfl]

21. Please let us know how things go.

My husband was estranged from his sister for 5 years. She chose to shut him off but they finally spoke because my husband made the first move. Sadly, it will never be the same though. Hope it works out for you.

[niyad]

22. Wishing you all the best, my friend. You certainly deserve it.

[LoisB]

23. I hope it goes well.

[Hope22]

24. Wait until the shock wears off to respond.

As they say in the defensive driving class …never winch yourself into trouble. I’ve had to begin contact with family members that have given me a lifetime of grief. Mom’s in memory care so I have to interact with sister. The line between past and present is verrry thin. Take care of yourself and guard your boundaries. Love to you!💗💐

[pandr32]

25. That's wonderful!

I hope you can get to a point where you feel comfortable. Thirteen years is quite a gulf.

[Joinfortmill]

26. Sending good vibes. Just be cautious.

[frogstar0]

27. Alway worth a shot.....

I think loads of people estranged from family or friends ( remember they are estranged from you), would like to change things. Reaching our is always scary for many different reasons, varying for each case.

[PatSeg]

31. Yes, a lot of estrangements

are because no one is willing to make the first move, which can be a loss for everyone. Of course, there are also estrangements that are for the best as some people are just too toxic to let back into your life. I am familiar with both kinds.

[ArkansasDemocrat1]

29. "Trust, but verify" my friend

Maybe I'll get a message like that someday.

[Think. Again.]

33. Wishing you the best!

There's terrific advice in this thread, I would just also say to try to protect yourself from falling back into any bad old stuff, but be ready to welcome any good new path forward!

[Niagara]

34. Dear Lucky, I have no wise advice and sharing my support

I certainly hope that you're able to rekindle what was once lost. Please be careful.


Good luck and best wishes my friend!!

[Floyd R. Turbo]

35. Hope things work out the way you want. I haven't seen my siblings since we buried our mother 20

years ago. A few years back I received a letter from a sister wanting to reconnect. Knowing what mooches, grifters, and all around dirt bags they are the letter went into the trash.

[LuckyCharms]

36. Went well. Almost 3 hours on the phone.

She is my niece.

Found out a ton of stuff.

Turns out my siblings are jealous of me.

And fucking crazy.

Damn!

Thank you all for your advice and kind words.

[debm55]

37. My break with my family came at the death of my father. My story is similar to yours. Good luck in whatever you decide

to. Me I feel better without the toxic stuff coming from them.

[Nittersing]

38. Thanks for the update!

So glad you were able to connect.

[Mr.Bill]

39. This summer it will be 20 years since I spoke to one of my brothers.

It has to do with things he did and said around the time of our mother's death. Specifically, he said some very rude things to my wife. I don't miss him at all and don't want to ever see or speak to him again. I never liked him that much anyway. I have no regrets.