I have a question for DU dads.

[Arkansas Granny]

Do dads have "the talk" with their sons and explain birth control and personal responsibility to them?

The reason I ask: This morning one of the guys I work with asked this morning in the break room, what age do you put your daughter on birth control. It seems that his 14 yo daughter has asked about getting birth control pills. After some discussion of the subject, another of the men said something about being lucky to have boys so he never had to have "that talk" and the other fathers of sons seemed to agree with him. I was rather surprised by this attitude which made me wonder if most boys do or don't get this information.

I raised 3 boys and a girl by myself and I talked to all of them about birth control, std's and various methods of protection for themselves and their potential partners. My kids were teenagers when AIDS was first diagnosed and hit national news, so I preached protection to them (as did many of our LGBT friends) and kept a supply of condoms in the medicine cabinet for the use of anyone who thought they needed them.

[sadbear]

1. I'd like to help, but my son is 6.

And besides, all boys are different. Some need the talk sooner than others. As long as they get the talk before making huge mistakes, it's all good.

[Taverner]

2. My daugher is six - so it's a little early

[hunter]

3. I feel like I never got a word in edgewise...

My dad probably feels the same.

My mom dealt with pregnant teens and teen moms in her profession, and so does my wife. My mom was always having "the talk" since the time we were toddlers. It seemed TMI at times, but maybe not. My wife was the same with our kids.

[OriginalGeek]

4. We started talking to the boys in jr high

I bought my oldest son his first condoms (in high school) because he was too chicken to go in the store - but he wasn't too chicken to ask me if I would consider it. I figured a pack of Trojans was way cheaper than a baby and I was happy he wanted to make sure he didn't get anybody pregnant. I think he bought his younger brother his first pack.

My daughter has been on the pill since just about her first period - she's 22 now so that's been almost 10 years...

I was bound and determined to not be like my mother and step-father. They were fundamentalist religious, abstinence only kind of folks. I was out of high school before I knew what a g-string was. I went to a private, christian high school and I know of 2 girls that had to drop out because they got pregnant by guys in my class (of 17). Would have been easily preventable we had ever heard about birth control.

I may have erred on the too permissive side but I have happy, healthy kids so I figure I didn't screw up too much. They knew they could ask me anything.

[HopeHoops]

5. Well, not sure. I had 3 daughters and had "the talk" with them and gave them rubbers.

"PUT A RUBBER ON IT!" is my standard line. I don't really care if they have sex (although all late bloomers in that respect), but if they're going to, put a fucking rubber on it. STDs, pregnancy, whatever, just cover the thing.

On Edit: My other standard line is "NO FARTING!" - their standard reply is "Too late."

[riderinthestorm]

6. My daughter's 16 yr old boyfriend has never had "the talk" at all.

His parents' version was "no sex below the neck" So no need for "the talk" right?

Like THAT'S effective.

Needless to say, both of my daughters had "the talk" for many years. I took the youngest for BC pills myself since she wasn't driving yet. My oldest girl clearly took matters into her own hands (she's been living with her SO for 4 years now) which is just fine and dandy by me.

Funny story for you younger parents. I have a sure fire way to get ALL of the high school kids laughing for homecoming/prom pictures. Instead of having everyone say "cheese", I always do the countdown of 3-2-1 and then say "use condoms!" My face is hidden behind my camera, EVERYONE laughs, I get to have my "safe sex" talk in the lightest manner. Boys especially always try to have the macho face for these pictures in my experience, and I want them to smile! So there's my small teen-age advice/trivia for you young'uns....

[bluesbassman]

7. Jr High, around 14.

Pretty much went through the whole drill - personal responsibility, STD's, etc.

Kept up the dialog though throughout HS. Their minds do tend to wander you know.

[benld74]

8. Our oldest in 19 youngest is 11

Wife had the talk with both of them early and supplied age appropriate reading material for them. When the oldest was in HS, she went through boyfriends the way I do socks! She told me recently it was becuase they were too pushy! AND it helped her that I'm 6'3" and around 230lbs. Everyone of them are STILL scared shitless of me.
Plus I gave them a copy of the below in letter form.
Daddy's Rules for Dating His Daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are total idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let
me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it
is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but
her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter getting ready to go out is a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a greying, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom,
you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and
access to isolated rural acreage. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little to annoy me. Voices in my head often tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home safely and early. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with
both hands in plain sight. Remember, there is no need for you to come back inside. I am watching you!

[Denninmi]

9. My father never did this for me. No brothers, either.

Fortunately, it was done in 6th grade, genders were separated and it was discussed. This was the 1970s, so probably not to the level it might be today. Condoms, for example, were not discussed at all to my knowledge (this was pre-HIV).

Honestly, I didn't need to have "the talk" with my son because he was neutered at 5 months when he started humping pillows on the back of the sofa (ok, my "son" is a springer spaniel).

IF I were a father, I think it would be very important to do this around age 12/13. And yes, I would provide with condoms if appropriate and tell him to be responsible and that I would support him if need be. However, there IS a legal issue involved, the age of consent is still 16 in my state, and probably in most, I would definitely encourage both involved to wait because no one needs to get caught up in that kind of mess over simple teenage emotion, especially now that it could leave a young man branded a sex offender for life.

[Orrex]

10. Our boys are eight and five, and we've already had age-appropriate talks about it

We've talked about the importance of contraception and the issue of choice, and we've discussed the problem of domestic violence more than a few times. We haven't drawn diagrams or anything, but we've been as frank and honest as we felt they were ready to hear.

Haven't specifically talked about the right age to start having sex, but we'll certainly discuss it when they feel ready to ask, if not sooner.

[MiddleFingerMom]

11. If I had sons, I would start "The Talk" at age 12, stressing both safety and respect/responsibility.

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I was raised a smalltown Midwestern Catholic school boy by two parents who were
painfully embarrassed by anything with a sexual connotation (us kids were always
amazed that they ever had any kids).
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A fairly progressive move by our Catholic grade school, they brought a doctor in
to give ALL the boys (and the girls, separately) "The Talk" -- realizing (as so many
seem to not realize even NOW) that there were far too many parents like mine
out there and that it was a guarantee of trouble. This was 6th or 7th grade and
it was a remarkably relaxed and informative session (the only thing I remember
is right at the very end when someone asked the doctor how far into pregnancy
people could safely have sex -- he told us that if there weren't any health issues,
it all depended on how comfortable the cabbie would be with it on the ride to the
delivery room. The nuns DID wrap it up very quickly after that line, which had us
howling).
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MiddleFingerMomDad was an emotionally abusive jerk, No WAY I could ever ask
him any sexual questions. During the year following the above MD's talk, I spent
WEEKS working up the courage to broach the subject with what I thought was
the safest question possible, "What is sexual intercourse?"
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MFMMom paused for quite a while before telling me it was something I should
ask my father. She HAD to know that was never going to happen. And that's the
last time I ever tried to get their help with the subject.
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Luckily, I spent 4 years in Germany shortly after turning 18 and their healthier
attitudes were what influenced what I think of as my real "formative years".
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