Dolly Parton Shares Video Confirming Sister A Shit-Stirring Bitch

[Zorro]

BRENTWOOD, TN—Taking to Instagram to address recent concerns from her fans, country music icon Dolly Parton shared a video Thursday in which she confirmed her sister is a shit-stirring bitch.

“Hey y’all, I know there’s been a lot of speculation about what’s going on with me these days, but I want you to know that I’m doing just fine despite my sister being an attention-seeking whore whose only purpose in life is trying to ruin mine,” the 12-time Grammy winner said in the brief clip, insisting to her 8 million followers that her sister had always lied for fame and probably had to because she was a “talentless hack with nothing in the looks department.”

“I just figured if you heard from me, you’d know my sister is a lying sack of shit. So don’t worry! I’ll keep on playing my music, and sure as my name’s Dolly, my sister will keep being a skank.”

Parton went on to say that although she herself was not dead, her sister almost certainly would be if she kept up this act.

https://theonion.com/dolly-parton-shares-video-confirming-sister-a-shit-stirring-bitch/

[Bernardo de La Paz]

1. Sad they stoop so low. Parton would not talk that way and probably never diss her sister. Rings hollow. . . nt

[markodochartaigh]

2. Growing up we used to buy

onions in 50 lb bags. Occasionally there would be a bad one. Nothing stinks as much as a bad onion.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

3. Dolly Parton is much beloved by red, blue and purple. More so blue these days, perhaps, but very wide appeal

I thought she was brilliant as an actress in "9 to 5". She played her part straight, as it should be the role, but the opposite of rigid straight and with perfect judgment of just the right amount to push it.

Dolly Parton is highly intelligent.

[markodochartaigh]

8. I love Dolly too,

This bit from the Onion is the worst that I can remember from them.

[Zorro]

4. No one believes Dolly would talk like that

That's why it's satire.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

5. Yes, and I find trash talking about as witless as toilet humour. . . . . nt

[LearnedHand]

6. I had the exact same thought

This isn’t humor. It’s MAGA punching down style. Very tasteless and unfunny.

[Oeditpus Rex]

7. ...