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underpants

(194,311 posts)
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:10 PM Oct 10

Well....my brother died today.

Quite a character. It was just Mom him and me when I was 4 and he was 6. Lots of adventures. We moved a lot so we are both quite minimalists. My mom was a librarian so we had very intense quiet communication. Full conversations by a couple looks.

All the people who met him remember him by first name and when they met him.

Up and down the East Coast. Hampton RFK Philly Charlotte Raleigh Roanoke. Deadhead. 250 shows at least. Trust me anyone who ever met Jake remembers meeting him.

Funny smart really smart (Tolkien chapter and verse) loved food worked in lots of restaurants. We used to work in a pizza place where he tossed dough and I ran the ovens and the cash register. I wasn’t aware that we were “the show”. Families sat in the booths up front to watch us go at it about music pop culture history sports etc.



Scarlet Begonias

?si=SnfRhD2az-pkr5J4
155 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Well....my brother died today. (Original Post) underpants Oct 10 OP
Sad news, but great memorial song. marble falls Oct 10 #1
Chinacat. underpants Oct 10 #44
I am so sorry for your loss. BlueKota Oct 10 #2
Deepest condolences on your loss. AltairIV Oct 10 #3
I'm sorry to hear that. It's nice that you got along with him. mahatmakanejeeves Oct 10 #4
I'm so sorry, underpants. LuckyCharms Oct 10 #5
Oh, I hate this for you, for anyone. babylonsister Oct 10 #6
Condolences to you UP. Irish_Dem Oct 10 #7
He will live on in your memories. surfered Oct 10 #8
Very sorry for the loss of your brother, underpants Grim Chieftain Oct 10 #9
Such a loss for you. Hold on to those memories. democrank Oct 10 #10
Thank you for sharing your/his story. yellow dahlia Oct 10 #11
I am so sorry for your loss. sheshe2 Oct 10 #12
My deepest condolences for your loss.🧡 58Sunliner Oct 10 #13
So sorry bamagal62 Oct 10 #14
Deepest Condolences, dear Underpants /nt dickthegrouch Oct 10 #15
I'm so sorry for your loss. sinkingfeeling Oct 10 #16
Thank you for celebrating his amazing life Underpants JMCKUSICK Oct 10 #17
Deepest condolences SheltieLover Oct 10 #18
Sorry to hear. 2naSalit Oct 10 #19
I'm so sorry for your loss, underpants. MIButterfly Oct 10 #20
I'm so sorry for your loss. mountain grammy Oct 10 #21
Sorry for you loss and thanks for sharing those beautiful memories. n/t marked50 Oct 10 #22
Your love for him shines through these memories, ancianita Oct 10 #23
Ugh, sorry for your loss hibbing Oct 10 #24
I am so sorry. murielm99 Oct 10 #25
Sending heartfelt sympathy to you BumRushDaShow Oct 10 #26
Next time I order a pie, True Dough Oct 10 #27
Sorry to hear. Sailingdiver Oct 10 #28
Sorry for your profound loss. FalloutShelter Oct 10 #29
He sounds really amazing! herding cats Oct 10 #30
Very sorry to hear this. Condolences on your loss nt spooky3 Oct 10 #31
Sorry for your loss orangecrush Oct 10 #32
Sincere condolences Picaro Oct 10 #33
I'm so sorry underpants. Diamond_Dog Oct 10 #34
As an only child, all my life, I have wished for a sibling. tavernier Oct 10 #35
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hard to lose a sibling. n/t PatrickforB Oct 10 #36
So sorry montanacowboy Oct 10 #37
Oh, no!!!!! Sad for you..... Karadeniz Oct 10 #38
I'm so sorry. Chemical Bill Oct 10 #39
What a loss! Maybe we danced together. mahina Oct 10 #40
❤️ 🎶 underpants Oct 10 #43
I'm sorry for your loss Marthe48 Oct 10 #41
Sweet memories Alice Kramden Oct 10 #42
I am so sorry for your loss! CousinIT Oct 10 #45
I'm very sorry for your loss. That was a very sweet remembrance. brer cat Oct 10 #46
I hope those memories will continue to comfort you as you Ilsa Oct 10 #47
So sorry for your loss. Sogo Oct 10 #48
Oh underpants, I'm so sorry for your loss. greatauntoftriplets Oct 10 #49
Condolences Duncanpup Oct 10 #50
Condolences. paleotn Oct 10 #51
I am sorry. Gore1FL Oct 10 #52
Sorry for your loss. Nt BootinUp Oct 10 #53
We're sorry Lemon Lyman Oct 10 #54
I'm so sorry. Losing someone like your brother is such a blow. no_hypocrisy Oct 10 #55
Oh, no! I'm so sorry for your loss. fierywoman Oct 10 #56
so very sorry mokeyz Oct 10 #57
To fond memories... they enrich us and keep us smiling through the hardship. Ellipsis Oct 10 #58
So sorry you lost your brother Hey Joe Oct 10 #59
So sorry for your loss UP AZJonnie Oct 10 #60
My condolences on the loss of your brother. AllyCat Oct 10 #61
Oh underpants, so so sorry you lost your big brother. Reading your description and memories of him brings an image of a KitFox Oct 10 #62
Condolences to you. Dyedinthewoolliberal Oct 10 #63
Sending you and all who loved Jake kind thoughts and may your memories remain vivid. ❤️ MLAA Oct 10 #64
Oh, God, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you were very close. Those are great memories of him, and he highplainsdem Oct 10 #65
I'm so sorry for your loss. pdxflyboy Oct 10 #66
Wonderful tribute to your brother. SleeplessinSoCal Oct 10 #67
🪽 mercuryblues Oct 10 #68
Strength and comfort to you and his close ones. quaint Oct 10 #69
I wish there was something I could offer that would make this easier for you. Morbius Oct 10 #70
So sorry for your loss sdfernando Oct 10 #71
.... chowder66 Oct 10 #72
I am so sorry. MuseRider Oct 10 #73
Ah Big Hug to ya. Eko Oct 10 #74
Thanks. I didn't get that was Neil for a bit. underpants Oct 10 #106
I'm sorry for the loss of your big brother. Solly Mack Oct 10 #75
I'm so sorry for your loss. Glass raised, Alice B. Oct 10 #76
Very sorry for your loss. IcyPeas Oct 10 #77
A big loss JohnnyLib2 Oct 10 #78
I'm so sorry for your loss, underpants. BComplex Oct 10 #79
I am so sorry for your loss irisblue Oct 10 #80
I am so sorry. He sounds like a wonderful person. Peace and strength to you 'pants. LoisB Oct 10 #81
Sorry. sorry. underpants. May the memories of your brother bring you good memories to you and your family debm55 Oct 10 #82
Thank you for sharing underpants Uncle Joe Oct 10 #83
May his memory be a blessing. Thank you EllieBC Oct 10 #84
so very sorry Skittles Oct 10 #85
I'm so very sorry for your loss. yardwork Oct 10 #86
I'm so sorry... CaptainTruth Oct 10 #87
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you two had wonderful adventures together. nt Phoenix61 Oct 10 #88
Sorry for your loss... essaynnc Oct 10 #89
Sorry for your loss. JBTaurus83 Oct 10 #90
I'm sorry, Underpants Bayard Oct 10 #91
My deepest condolences LA Blue Bengal Oct 10 #92
Condolences to you DaBronx Oct 10 #93
Sincere condolences on your loss underpants Docreed2003 Oct 10 #94
I am sorry for the loss of your brother. hamsterjill Oct 10 #95
I am so sorry that you lost your brother. choie Oct 10 #96
May his aura be scarlet begonias BaronChocula Oct 10 #97
nod underpants Oct 10 #107
....... marmar Oct 10 #98
I'm so sorry for your loss. area51 Oct 10 #99
I'm very sorry. mzmolly Oct 10 #100
You have my sincerest condolences... sendin you virtual hugs. InAbLuEsTaTe Oct 10 #101
What a loss KT2000 Oct 10 #102
I'm sorry for your loss. Grumpy Old Guy Oct 10 #103
... UTUSN Oct 10 #104
Peace to you and those who loved him lonely bird Oct 10 #105
Sounds like quite a guy. summer_in_TX Oct 10 #108
My deepest condolences to you and your family. Will be thinking of you. HeartsCanHope Oct 10 #109
I'm so sorry for your loss -- sounds like you had good memories to cherish Hekate Oct 11 #110
Sounds like a great guy to hang with. Figarosmom Oct 11 #111
Im sorry 😞 BlueWaveNeverEnd Oct 11 #112
I'm sorry JoseBalow Oct 11 #113
🫶🏽🕯️💐 blm Oct 11 #114
That is rough; i am sorry for your loss peacebuzzard Oct 11 #115
I would be in a state of shock right now. BigmanPigman Oct 11 #116
He sounds like a wonderful brother and man. Please accept my condolences. NNadir Oct 11 #117
Condolences underpants gademocrat7 Oct 11 #118
gentle hug🫂 mwmisses4289 Oct 11 #119
I am sorry. OldBaldy1701E Oct 11 #120
In Celebration of Jake ❤ Donkees Oct 11 #121
So sorry 🙏🙏 TommieMommy Oct 11 #122
I'm so sorry Danmel Oct 11 #123
I'm so sorry. barbtries Oct 11 #124
So sorry for the loss of your brother. 70sEraVet Oct 11 #125
I am so sorry for your loss, dear underpants Wicked Blue Oct 11 #126
I am sorry for your loss, underpants. Clouds Passing Oct 11 #127
I'm sorry you are going through this heartache. Emile Oct 11 #128
🫂🫂🫂🫂 MayReasonRule Oct 11 #129
Deepest sympathy to you and yours underpants malaise Oct 11 #130
So sorry for your loss, but you know he'll always be with you in heart and soul. Fla Dem Oct 11 #131
Condolences, underpants peggysue2 Oct 11 #132
You and your brother shared a truly beautiful long strange trip. Condolences flashman13 Oct 11 #133
I am sorry for your loss LetMyPeopleVote Oct 11 #134
Condolences on your loss. Mad_Dem_X Oct 11 #135
May his memory be a blessing! Would have loved to have known him. GoneOffShore Oct 11 #136
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. pandr32 Oct 11 #137
My condolences to you underpants Faux pas Oct 11 #138
((🤍)) My sincere condolences Deuxcents Oct 11 #139
I'm so sorry 💙 swimboy Oct 11 #140
My condolences for your loss... kentuck Oct 11 #141
........ turbinetree Oct 11 #142
I'm so sorry cate94 Oct 11 #143
So sorry for your loss IbogaProject Oct 11 #144
... littlemissmartypants Oct 11 #145
So sorry for your loss. red dog 1 Oct 11 #146
You have my deep condolences, Under. Celerity Oct 11 #147
Excruciating. luvallpeeps Oct 11 #148
... cliffside Oct 11 #149
Dang! Very sorry to hear this. electric_blue68 Oct 11 #150
I'm so sorry! Ocelot II Oct 11 #151
I might have met him momentarily at some show -CT to ME.. OAITW r.2.0 Oct 11 #152
My condolences on your loss underpants Niagara Oct 12 #153
For your brother, my friend. OAITW r.2.0 Oct 13 #154
My deep condolences, underpants. BobTheSubgenius Oct 14 #155

mahatmakanejeeves

(67,850 posts)
4. I'm sorry to hear that. It's nice that you got along with him.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:13 PM
Oct 10

I’m not a big fan of the Grateful Dead, but GD Radio is on my playlist.

https://www.gdradio.net/

Irish_Dem

(78,720 posts)
7. Condolences to you UP.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:16 PM
Oct 10

What wonderful memories you have of Jake.
What character and neat guy.

MIButterfly

(1,784 posts)
20. I'm so sorry for your loss, underpants.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:42 PM
Oct 10

I extend to you and your family my condolences. May your memories of your brother eventually bring you peace.

With love and deep sympathy,
MIButterfly

True Dough

(25,462 posts)
27. Next time I order a pie,
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:52 PM
Oct 10

I'll think of you and Jake. Wish I could have a slice with you both and listen to you debate.

My condolences on your loss, underpants.

Sailingdiver

(331 posts)
28. Sorry to hear.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:52 PM
Oct 10

Sounds like you have a lot of memories. Keep those alive.

Great tune. Love the Dead!

Diamond_Dog

(39,500 posts)
34. I'm so sorry underpants.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:55 PM
Oct 10

The way you described him, he sounds like someone I wish I’d met. Peace to all of you.

tavernier

(14,147 posts)
35. As an only child, all my life, I have wished for a sibling.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 07:57 PM
Oct 10

My heart felt sympathy as you grieve for your loss, but at the same time you have something that can’t be taken away from you.

Cherish the memories my friend.

Chemical Bill

(3,012 posts)
39. I'm so sorry.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:00 PM
Oct 10

I only went to 3 Dead shows, so I didn't meet him, but I'm sure we had mutual friends.

mahina

(20,253 posts)
40. What a loss! Maybe we danced together.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:02 PM
Oct 10

The music never stops…
Wishing you comfort and peace of mind.

Marthe48

(22,529 posts)
41. I'm sorry for your loss
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:03 PM
Oct 10

I hope that your conversations will resume someday. I had a brother like that, miss him a lot.

Be nice to yourself.

CousinIT

(12,111 posts)
45. I am so sorry for your loss!
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:09 PM
Oct 10

I know you will cherish your memories of him for the rest of your days. He sounds like a great guy and your memories are heartwarming. Wishing you and your family lots of peace and strength at this heartbreaking time.

Ilsa

(63,702 posts)
47. I hope those memories will continue to comfort you as you
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:12 PM
Oct 10

grieve this loss. Big hugs, underpants.

greatauntoftriplets

(178,570 posts)
49. Oh underpants, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:16 PM
Oct 10

Your brother sounds like quite a character who followed his own path. If you and your mother moved around a lot when you were kids, you probably were close friends throughout childhood. The double act in the pizza place has to have been hilarious.

Cherish your memories of him.

Gore1FL

(22,793 posts)
52. I am sorry.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:20 PM
Oct 10

As the very youngest of four, I fear I will bury at least one of my siblings.

I got all the cardio-vascular genes and the anger issues, so maybe the three of them will bury me, after all.

no_hypocrisy

(53,981 posts)
55. I'm so sorry. Losing someone like your brother is such a blow.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:23 PM
Oct 10

I hope your memories give you comfort.

Ellipsis

(9,408 posts)
58. To fond memories... they enrich us and keep us smiling through the hardship.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:26 PM
Oct 10

Last edited Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:28 PM - Edit history (2)

I'm very sorry for the loss of your brother and wish you and yours the best.

Hey Joe

(345 posts)
59. So sorry you lost your brother
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:27 PM
Oct 10

It’s damn hard losing the most precious people in your life.
Wishing you the best.

AZJonnie

(2,511 posts)
60. So sorry for your loss UP
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:28 PM
Oct 10

Sounds you have wonderful memories full of love & great times together. Can't hope for too much more than that in life

May Jake pass gently and be remembered fondly by all

KitFox

(488 posts)
62. Oh underpants, so so sorry you lost your big brother. Reading your description and memories of him brings an image of a
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:30 PM
Oct 10

life well lived and a bond that will forever be with you. Take special care of yourself; grief can feel so physical, too. Peace and gentle hugs to you. 🧡🧡🧡

MLAA

(19,642 posts)
64. Sending you and all who loved Jake kind thoughts and may your memories remain vivid. ❤️
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:32 PM
Oct 10

highplainsdem

(59,320 posts)
65. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you were very close. Those are great memories of him, and he
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:33 PM
Oct 10

sounds like someone who made friends everywhere he went.

I've been very open here about believing in an afterlife (though I'm not religious and I don't believe one's religion matters at all), and believing as well that our loved ones on the other side can sometimes find ways of comforting us when we're grieving, reassuring us that they're fine. I hope that will happen for you and Jake's other loved ones.

Morbius

(832 posts)
70. I wish there was something I could offer that would make this easier for you.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:41 PM
Oct 10

There isn't. I think it helps at times like this to remember you are not alone, and it's sometimes okay to lean on other people. Or let them lean on you. That doesn't make it easier but I think it should help you cope.

Best wishes and sincere condolences; Morbius.

sdfernando

(5,986 posts)
71. So sorry for your loss
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:49 PM
Oct 10

Sounds like you two had an amazing relationship and life. Remember all of those good times!

MuseRider

(35,071 posts)
73. I am so sorry.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:50 PM
Oct 10

I became the last living member of my family about 6 months ago. It hurts and will for a while. Hold those good memories close. I am so so sorry. I never had a sister but my brothers were the best, all gone before I cross 71yo.

Be well. If you ever feel like dumping you can always send a mail. I have known you so long here that it feels like family and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Eko

(9,806 posts)
74. Ah Big Hug to ya.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 08:52 PM
Oct 10

So sorry, thanks for coming on here and sharing about him and you.
When that happens in my life I like to watch this, and thanks for including the Dead, I gotta re-learn that diminished run Jerry did on Help on the way/Slipknot.


Keep on keeponing.
Eko.

BComplex

(9,698 posts)
79. I'm so sorry for your loss, underpants.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:06 PM
Oct 10

Close sibling relationships are primally important to who we become/are. I'm glad that you had him in your life all these years.

When someone you love dies, the love doesn't. The love lives on in you. Sending you a big hug.

debm55

(54,114 posts)
82. Sorry. sorry. underpants. May the memories of your brother bring you good memories to you and your family
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:09 PM
Oct 10

Uncle Joe

(63,925 posts)
83. Thank you for sharing underpants
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:10 PM
Oct 10

Last edited Fri Oct 10, 2025, 11:00 PM - Edit history (1)

Peace, strength and healing to you and your family.

EllieBC

(3,592 posts)
84. May his memory be a blessing. Thank you
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:16 PM
Oct 10

for sharing stories about him. I think you’d both have made a fabulous show at a pizza joint.

yardwork

(68,774 posts)
86. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:21 PM
Oct 10

Your brother sounds like an amazing person. I wish I had known him.

essaynnc

(957 posts)
89. Sorry for your loss...
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:26 PM
Oct 10

But so glad that you have so great memories of the two of you together !!!! May you Be at peace

Bayard

(28,180 posts)
91. I'm sorry, Underpants
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:37 PM
Oct 10

He sounds like a great brother and friend.

Maybe this will help some. When I lost my big brother, I started writing down everything I remembered about him, every story, every hug. Its something to hang onto. If he had kids, they'd probably appeciate it too.

Take care of yourself, and we're here for you.

DaBronx

(750 posts)
93. Condolences to you
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 09:42 PM
Oct 10

It is difficult to lose a sibling, one who shared the uniqueness of growing up together.
May you have strength and good memories to carry you forward.
Peace to you.

hamsterjill

(16,885 posts)
95. I am sorry for the loss of your brother.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 10:02 PM
Oct 10

Peace and comfort to you and to his other family and friends.

KT2000

(21,871 posts)
102. What a loss
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 10:33 PM
Oct 10

I am sorry. Losing a close sibling is like losing part of yourself. Peace to you.

summer_in_TX

(3,973 posts)
108. Sounds like quite a guy.
Fri Oct 10, 2025, 11:15 PM
Oct 10

So sorry for your loss. May your memories of the good times bring you comfort.

Hekate

(100,130 posts)
110. I'm so sorry for your loss -- sounds like you had good memories to cherish
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 12:12 AM
Oct 11


May Jake cross gently and meet you on the other side.

Figarosmom

(9,387 posts)
111. Sounds like a great guy to hang with.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 01:04 AM
Oct 11

Sorry you lost him. Glad you have such good memories to hold.🕯

BigmanPigman

(54,452 posts)
116. I would be in a state of shock right now.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 01:46 AM
Oct 11

I don't handle death well at all. Even though I am an atheist I know that our energies never end but continue in another form.

That helps me a tiny bit but not enough to console me. The passage of time doesn't seem to lessen the loss I feel either. That's just me I guess.

I hope you handle it better than I would.

Donkees

(33,322 posts)
121. In Celebration of Jake ❤
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 06:42 AM
Oct 11


''For we put the thought of all that we love into all that we make.''
- JRR Tolkien

barbtries

(31,044 posts)
124. I'm so sorry.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 08:31 AM
Oct 11

If you'd been on the West Coast, he and my brother John would have definitely been friends. Love your memories here, may they and many more comfort you profoundly.

Wicked Blue

(8,398 posts)
126. I am so sorry for your loss, dear underpants
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 08:58 AM
Oct 11

Blessings of peace, heaing and wonderful memories for you.

Clouds Passing

(6,738 posts)
127. I am sorry for your loss, underpants.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 09:25 AM
Oct 11

You are so lucky to have had a good relationship with a very cool brother.

Jake

Emile

(39,889 posts)
128. I'm sorry you are going through this heartache.
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 09:54 AM
Oct 11

I lost my brother in April, and I miss him.

peggysue2

(12,346 posts)
132. Condolences, underpants
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 10:48 AM
Oct 11

Losing a sibling is really hard, a punch to the head and heart.

Be kind to yourself. Sending hugs.

IbogaProject

(5,505 posts)
144. So sorry for your loss
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 04:29 PM
Oct 11

And also sorry to have lost a fellow east coast dead head with over 150 shows seen while Jerry was alive.

OAITW r.2.0

(31,188 posts)
152. I might have met him momentarily at some show -CT to ME..
Sat Oct 11, 2025, 09:50 PM
Oct 11

He was certainly a brother in the musical dimension.

That sucks, but the reality of mortality appears inescapable. Best thoughts my friend.

OAITW r.2.0

(31,188 posts)
154. For your brother, my friend.
Mon Oct 13, 2025, 10:48 PM
Oct 13
https://music.
&si=2sV2qHTgcODgI0A5

While the back story doesn't quite fit, this song always evokes all the folks I have lost.

BobTheSubgenius

(12,163 posts)
155. My deep condolences, underpants.
Tue Oct 14, 2025, 12:03 PM
Oct 14

My sister died a few years ago (7 years younger than me) and I have always regretted not knowing her better. You and your brother were both much the better for your relationship.

SB is one of my favourite songs, btw. It seldom turns out the way it does in the song.

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