After 13 years of no alcohol...

[LuckyCharms]

I'm not an alcoholic. I quit for health reasons, and also, I just got sick of it.

For the FIRST time in 13 years, I'm this close to walking the half mile to my old hangout, in the snow, getting blind fucking drunk, and stirring up some shit.

I don't like this feeling.

I have a lot on my mind, and it's not serving me well.

Everything seems fake to me. Everything.

I guess I better stop typing.

[chicoescuela]

1. Don't do it. This feeling/temptation will pass. You'll feel real shitty about

giving in tomorrow. Think the process through all the way to the end. I got too much experience in the ‘giving in’ process. It never worked out well for me. Good luck.

[LuckyCharms]

2. I won't do it.

I follow one simple run in life...and that is to keep myself out of jail at all cost.

The way I'm feeling right now?

I'd end up in jail.

[chicoescuela]

4. It's the right thing to do today.

I totally understand where you’re coming from. I quit for both physical and mental reasons. Also tired of doing stupid shit and getting in trouble. Jail sucks. I imagine it would suck more at my advanced age.

[LuckyCharms]

8. It was a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas.

But for me, Christmas comes with a curse, every motherfucking year.

Everything hits me at once, and I can't stop it.

Probably like a lot of people here though...

I try to be strong, and I almost always am, not at Christmas though. Every fucking year.

I want to tell people how I have to live...but I can't. It's fucking crazy, and it's fucking hard. And I can't admit to anyone just how fucking hard it is. I feel guilty, because there's worse things. But Christ Almighty, it's so fucking hard. Big stuff, not trivial stuff. And I don't even talk to my spouse about it. Because I don't want to burden her. I haven't told ANYONE about it.

It's wearing me right the fuck down to a nub.

Even the strongest people get worn down.

I'm worn down, and I can't talk about it. Can't get the words out. Can't burden anyone.

When I try to talk about it...ahh...fuck it.

[chicoescuela]

11. Right, don't burden your wife.

Any way to find professional help?
Therapy helped me immensely. I’m far from perfect, but I’m not angry all the time. Meditation, mindfulness and focusing on breathing help me in the moment.
I’m so sorry you’re in pain right now.

[Marthe48]

24. I keep a log

I call it "What I really want to say" All the poison goes in there. The act of writing unburdens me. Sometimes, after I write, I delete it. I too have things that color my outlook, sort of like having my own One Ring.

If Christmas is cursed for you, observe what makes it special for you at another time. Or just focus on all the glitter and ponder the miracle when you want to. I realized his year that we are all going crazy working to a deadline imposed by people we've never met.

The holiday is past. Feel better

[Rizen]

3. I'm sober too and better off for it.

[chicoescuela]

5. Congratulations.

I don’t think about it every day but the disease still talks to me from time to time.

[CentralMass]

6. I rarely drink for health reason myself

Although i really drank very little over the last several decades save having a beer with a meal at pub now and then it tended to disagree with me. I had an odd medical scare during the pandemic where my blood ferritin levels went sky high.. After consulting with a liver specialist and getting a battery of tests that took longer (months) due to the pandemic, my ferritin level dropped to normal on its own. Although during the testing they discovered that I have NAFLD (non alcoholic fatty liver disease). An affliction that millions of Americans including children have. Bad diet is a big contributor. The specialist and my doctor both said limit sugar and alcohol. I've heeded their advice. While I'm not worried about being judged I will occasionally grab alcohol free beer in the rare times I'm in a social situation. I live in the wine region in Oregon and occasionally have a little Pinot Noir with a special meal. The wine will occasionally trigger a "jaw buzz" symptom as I call. Due to some meds I take I am not supposed have any high in potassium. I accidentally drank a "healthy" bottled water that actually had electrolytes in it and it gave me the same sensation. Also, alcohol is a depressent and I don't need any help getting depressed.
I suggest staying away from it. It in my experience will not help.

[chicoescuela]

14. Scary stuff. I'm amazed my liver is in good shape considering the abuse

I put it through. Must be genetic.

[Aristus]

7. ...

Hang in there. We’re here for you.

[LuckyCharms]

9. .

[Squeaky41]

10. Former vodka and wines enjoyer.

Been dry since year ago December 15th.
Doctors' orders.
A 911 ambulance trip to ER. 4 days in hospital. Severe anemia.
3 transfusions for bleeding esophageal ulcers. One pre-cancerous.
Strict diet thereafter: no red meat of any kind. No heavy fat: butter or unrendered bacon.
Mild spices. Special meds to reduce stomach acid and gas.
Absolutely no alcohol.
Now use walker for balance following medicine side effects.
Wife and daughter enjoyed Christmas bubbly.

[applegrove]

12. You got a good quit going. No point in having alcohol drag down your health.

It doesn't make you live longer.

[LuckyCharms]

13. Maybe that's the whole idea.

[applegrove]

16. Aw. I'm sorry you are having a bad time. Going

on an SSRI helped me immensely. I was lucky they were available back when i needed them at 26. They really work. I would go to therapy because it is hard to keep bad stuff in. I am the queen of sharing because I refuse to sit on anything that is going to eat away at me. I share with appropriate people. Like they say " when you are going through hell, KEEP GOING!"

Take care of you.

[MIButterfly]

15. Hang in there, LuckyCharms!

I know it's easier said than done. If you don't want to seek professional help for whatever reason, then lean on us here at DU. There's always somebody here 24/7 and although they may not have the answer, at least you'll have someone to listen. We will be your support group!

In the meantime, I hope it gets better.

Sincerely,
MIButterfly

[proud patriot]

17. I just passed my first yr booze free in Sept.

I like to remind myself that booze won't make anything better . Wrapping you in a hug .

[yonder]

23. Congratulations! Absolutely worth it.

3 years for me this past Thankgiving.

[JMCKUSICK]

18. Booze is a depressant

won't help a bit LC. I know the feeling though. God Speed

[Hope22]

19. I hope you are safe and well.

These are the craziest of times and sense is hard to be made. Keep on keeping on. We will get through this together! Peace and love to you. 💗🙏🏼

[Figarosmom]

20. Go to bed

Just sleep through it.

[Skittles]

21. I would advise doing exactly what you are doing right now

post your frustrations here and let DUers advise you

I know you have faced some health issues and alcohol does NOT help with that so, hey, tomorrow is another day, let it ride

[electric_blue68]

22. Hang in there, LC. Bit by bit. Hope you are sleeping now.