My local volunteer fire department has the best Facebook posts in the world this week.

[Staph]

That's the Barboursville Volunteer Fire Department of Barboursville, West Virginia. A sample of their work this week, after the snow and ice event:

🚨 BVFD ICE SITUATION REPORT 🚨
There is NO SNOW — but enough ICE that Mother Nature and Vanilla Ice just eloped and are sipping margaritas on a tropical island while we suffer. 🧊🍹
🛍️ THE MALL IS CLOSED.
Civilization is crumbling.
Retail morale is in shambles.
Teenagers are wandering aimlessly.
🌧️ FREEZING RAIN IS STILL FALLING — the roads are slicker than a gas station hot dog roller. If you drive like Dale Earnhardt today, we WILL roast you.
⛪ WATCH CHURCH FROM HOME.
God sees you.
God understands black ice.
God does not want you hydroplaning into the pearly gates.
⚡ PREP FOR POWER OUTAGES.
Charge your phones.
Fuel the generators.
Mentally prepare to live like it’s 1874.
Yes, this includes lighting candles and screaming into the void.
🐾 PROTECT THE TOE BEANS.
Bring your animals inside.
No frozen paws.
No popsicle puppies.
No icicle whiskers.
🥾 IF YOU’RE CHECKING ON YOUR NEIGHBORS, WEAR YAKTRAX.
We love kindness.
We do NOT love dramatic driveway wipeouts.
Do not become the emergency.
🚒 BVFD volunteers are ready, caffeinated, and fueled by chaos.
Stay home.
Stay warm.
Stay feral.
And for the love of all things Appalachian — USE YOUR BRAIN CELLS.

[Lovie777]

1. Pretty good................

I like

[erronis]

2. Those are great bits of wisdom from Appalachia! Use your brain cells!

[Tetrachloride]

3. Oh my

[AllaN01Bear]

4. ding. this .:)

like.
sound advice . have a cb radio ready. if u still use a land line phone and are cordless . make sure u have one of these on hand

[littlemissmartypants]

5. I love creative storytelling. 😍 Thanks, Staph. ❤️

[democrank]

6. Really enjoyed this "ice situation" report

Thank you for posting this, Staph.

[calimary]

7. I LOVE this post!

I LOVE this advisory AND how it’s written, Staph!

So well done that ANYBODY, even the most brainless knuckledragging MAGAt, can understand it. “Mentally prepare to live like it’s 1874.” EXCELLENT way to reach them. That’s undoubtedly where their minds are, anyway.

God Bless the Barboursville Volunteer Fire Department! May the roads ahead of them always be clear.