Things are a little rough today here at the Ponderosa Ranch...
Wife had arthroscopic knee surgery about 20 years ago. That knee is acting up again and she can barely walk. She works from home at the dining room table. Today, she worked from a recliner in the living room, so she could keep her leg elevated.
She's very mindful of my back problems, and when my back flares up, she takes care of things. She won't let me do anything physical.
It was zero degrees here earlier, and she mentioned to me "I have to shovel the driveway later and clean off the cars". I asked why?
She said "I have my cardiologist appointment tomorrow, and I don't want to have to do it before I go".
I quietly slipped into the attached garage to clip my fingernails in there (easier cleanup than doing it in the house). I then put on some layered clothing, and went outside for two hours to take care of the driveway and cars.
She came out with her coat on and tried to help me. I made her go back into the house.
I came inside and she was trying to work on her laptop, but she was crying. She said "It's one thing after another. The fucking kitchen faucet is leaking now. I told her not to worry about it, came up to the computer, ordered a new faucet cartridge, bonnet nut, and set screw from Amazon. I told her it would be fixed on Wednesday when the parts arrive.
She burst into tears and she's been sobbing all day. telling me she felt bad I had to shovel with my back. I told her "I can walk, you can't. Don't sweat it. I'll take you to your cardiology appointment tomorrow so you won't have to park a quarter of a mile away...I can drop you right off at the door, and I'll help you walk in if f you can't, or, I'll get you a wheelchair at the hospital entrance".
She's right on the head of a pin, and she can't stop crying. Telling me how useless she feels. I had to give her "the talk".
She apologized for being so "crabby". I said...Listen...do you remember when my back was so bad that I couldn't walk at all, and I was using my mother's old walker, and I got so fucking pissed off that I threw the walker down the hallway and bent it so bad that it's useless now? Well, that's how you are feeling right now, and it's normal to feel that way, It's OK. You're in bad pain, and it's fucking with your head. You're going to be OK. You give me the word when you want to go to the ER, and I'll get you there. Don't worry about a thing, you'll be OK.
She's been so good to me since my back problems started. I've gone my whole life busting my ass physically, and now it's harder for me to do that. She's a bit younger than me, and it's getting harder for her too.
The hardest thing about growing older is feeling your physical capacity diminish little by little. Wondering "if I'm like this now, what is it going to be like in 5 years"?
She's still in tears, she's inconsolable. She stepped up for me, and now I'm going to step up for her.
I know how she is feeling...the guilt and fear is almost indescribable when you are in that kind of pain. My job now is to make sure I keep my back in as good as possible shape, because both of us can't be crippled up at the same time.
I'm pretty sure many of you can relate to what I've typed here...
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we both get incapacitated at the same time.
I have to do whatever I can to avoid that.
We are good friends with a woman a few doors down, and we can count on her, as well as my immediate neighbor, for help. But still...
It happens to all of us, this slow slipping away of things we took for granted. It's one thing after another, isn''t it?
I know how you and your wife feel, buddy. One step, one day, one sunrise after another... but as long as we have love, laughter and appreciation, we push on through. 
Husband and I are both in our mid 70s and have always been active, strong and capable of doing anything around the house that needed doing. Together we built one of those prefab sheds, I've laid flagstone with pebble accents, he's installed all of the new windows over the years, etc etc. But now we're both done in! Several years ago he started having serious heart problems and between the condition itself, all of the meds he's on and just being old now, he can no longer do more than the smallest project before he's tired out and has to stop. It demoralizes him terribly. I've seen him next to tears many times out of frustration.
I had back surgery last Summer because I couldn't stand for too long before the pain got too much. So now that's better but my knees are just about to give in. I try to cover for him so he doesn't get depressed, but it's tough. I've started looking for handyman help and I know he doesn't like it, I guess he feels like it's a reflection on him or his abilities. But it's the only way I can see to do the things that need doing here. We're lucky that at the moment we can afford to hire someone to help a little.
I'll send hugs and lots of sympathy to you both as I know what you're going through. You both want to help each other but man, it becomes harder and harder these days. The saying 'Getting old isn't for sissies' is no joke!!
With us LuckyCharms.
It is really difficult to feel so useless when my physical limitations are at their worst.
You did such a wonderful thing by affirming her experience and the validity of her emotions with it.
It's so hard to find that true empathy because most people simply can't imagine what she's feeling, much less experiencing, and you as well.
Tell her you can't wait for her to feel well enough to do a slow dance to "I can't help falling in love with you"
You're living a dream I had when I was a young teenager. I admire you for that and will vicariously enjoy your wonderful journey as you share it.
God Speed LuckyCharms
As bad as it is, at least you have each other. I hope you can take some comfort from that.
