What is it with calling older women "momma" when they are customers at a business?

[hamsterjill]

Twice in the last two weeks, I've been at a drive through and called "momma" by the female employee who was waiting on me. Both employees were probably in their twenties.

I don't remember giving birth to these people and I find that term in that setting offensive. I'm a customer regardless of my gender or my age.

My "comeback" has been to ask them what they will be calling the next 40 year old male who drives up? One said "sir", to which I replied "I rest my case".

She looked confused.

[eliZabet]

1. I ain't your mamma!

I’d ask them if they’re going to take care of me in my old age. Start giving back the same kind of energy. Bitch at them for stretching you out too much. Make up some stories as if they actually caused you serious harm. Like oh yeah…. It took me 12 hours to get you pushed out. You owe me.

That, or I would just stop going there.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

67. Welcome to DU

[True Dough]

127. Way to make a strong statement with your first post.

But pace yourself. Don't burn out too quickly!




Welcome to da club!

[lark]

2. It's a country custom to call all females momma when they are childbearing age or older.

First happened to me in the early 70's when I was in deep country Idaho. I didn't even realize the guy was speaking to me, I was in my early 20's. When I asked him why he called me momma, he said that's just the way they refer to women. I thought it was very bizarre.

[hamsterjill]

5. Time to stop that custom.

It's demeaning. Customers should be "sir" or "ma'am", unless they are personally known, and called by their names.

[lark]

9. Even if it's not a business, it is presumptuous and demeaning and inaccurate as well.

I wasn't in a business, I was at an "after" party following my boyfriends' band show. I still didn't like it.

[hlthe2b]

21. I agree and I have lived/worked/spent time in 37/50 states and never heard it except

for a older female FAMILY MEMBER--who was actually their MOMMA or Grandmother.

I agree that this is a disrespectful "tic" among some Gen-Z that needs to STOP. I assume some idiot "influencer" started it, despite a comment upstream that it was "common." Even in Idaho (and I am a mere two states away and used to ski/spend time there frequently), I never heard it. Could I have missed it--especially if this is (as I suspect) a more recent phenomenon? Yes. Of course, but still...

If this happens again (or again and again), even if some here want to claim "Karen" behavior, I would politely request of her supervisor to stop this "salutation" and assure him/her that there will be many who do not appreciate it. If they claim ignorance, then a simple "bless your heart" should do.

[hamsterjill]

23. Oh, I'm on a crusade now. It won't go unaddressed again.

n/t

[stopdiggin]

47. frankly new to me as well. and, if it is/was a 'rural' thing - it was in parts of the country

that I had no experience with.

[PatSeg]

48. Yes, I agree

I suppose it doesn't seem demeaning to the people saying it as it might be a local custom. Personally, it has never happened to me.

Now that I am elderly, the ones that rub me the wrong way are "Hon" and "Sweetie". Usually happens with nurses and hospital staff, though I've noticed lately a conscious effort to not do it. It can be very demeaning and condescending as if when we get older, we become children. I really prefer they just use my name.

[hamsterjill]

53. There is nothing wrong with expecting someone to use your name.

I totally "get" where you are coming from, and that scenario bothers me, too.

There is nothing wrong with asking that you be referred to by your name.

Do you think that when Cher goes in for plastic surgery that they call her "sweetie"? I would doubt it.

[PatSeg]

60. Excellent example

Another one that used to bother me was when my kids were young and medical staff would call me "mother" or "mom". I wonder when that started, it sounded so weird.

[Bayard]

116. Hon and sweetie are the norm here in KY

Its not meant to be disrespectful or insulating. Its used equally for both sexes, and any age. You'll hear it from medical staff, store clerks, and waitresses (but not waiters....hmmm)

[PatSeg]

117. I lived in Mississippi for a short time in the 1960s

It was the norm there as well. I don't take it as disrespectful in those circumstances, though I don't like being talked to like a child just because I am old and sick.

Like I said, it appears hospitals and medical staff seem to be working at being more respectful with their patients and it helps to cultivate trust.

That's funny about waiters. Waitresses are often over the top with the syrupy sweetness, especially in the south. Though I was a waitress and I would have NEVER spoken to an adult like that. It feels too familiar and disrespectful. I was raised in the north and no one where I lived talked to people like that. I didn't hear such talk until we moved to Mississippi - major culture shock.

[PatSeg]

118. I lived in Mississippi for a short time in the 1960s

It was the norm there as well. I don't take it as disrespectful in those circumstances, though I don't like being talked to like a child just because I am old and sick.

Like I said, it appears hospitals and medical staff seem to be working at being more respectful with their patients and it helps to cultivate trust.

That's funny about waiters. Waitresses are often over the top with the syrupy sweetness, especially in the south. Though I was a waitress and I would have NEVER spoken to an adult like that. It feels too familiar and disrespectful. I was raised in the north and no one where I lived talked to people like that. I didn't hear such talk until we moved to Mississippi - major culture shock.

[Ferrets are Cool]

14. I'm 69 and never heard it before.

What I DO get alot is older southern women calling me Dahlin.

[PatSeg]

50. Yes and Sugar, Sweetie, Honey

It is quite a different world in the south.

[Brainstormy]

16. spent 65 years in Tennessee, Mississippi and Georgia

NEVER HEARD of such a custom!!!!

[lark]

17. I'm a Floridian and I have never heard it here or in the South. Of course, I don't hang out in rural parts either.

Only time I heard it was in very rural Idaho in the 70's. I accepted the guy's "tale" that it was common there and several people confirmed it.

[Trueblue Texan]

96. I think he lied to you.

No one of my mother's generation ever referred to her as mama except her children. I've noticed people calling their female YOUNG children mama--don't ask me why--but even that is more recent, like in the last 20 years or so. Calling a woman "mama" who isn't your mama, especially a woman you don't personally know is insulting and disrespectful.

[Skittles]

125. WTF

I would not care for that one bit - NOPE

[lark]

130. I didn't like it.

He did apologize.

[LuvLoogie]

3. I don't think they mean any disrespect.

Last edited Fri Feb 27, 2026, 02:05 PM - Edit history (1)

It's more at a respect for your elders I think, but more at woman to woman. Kind of an alternative to ma'am. More familiar, abit more solidarity with a nod to your togetherness to which they would aspire.

Maybe they would refer to an older man as Pops or Unc, or not at all because it's a man.

[hamsterjill]

7. I don't think they mean disrespect.

But I think they should be corrected.

It's on par with someone calling a young woman "hon".

[QueerDuck]

77. Is it an AAVE thing or a Southern Thing? I haven't noticed it anywhere...

... but then again I'm not listening for it. I will be on alert now, however. --- I agree with you that it's a little "too friendly" as a form of sincere respect and deference to one's elders. I wouldn't like it either.

[hamsterjill]

78. Some here have explained that it's a Hispanic cultural thing.

I'm in South Texas and that makes sense for the area - although one of the people to which I referred was not Hispanic. In another post, I explained that a friend of mine in Arizona is familiar with it happening. She hates it, too.

I don't think it's someone else's place to decide that I'm "elderly", especially when she admitted to calling a younger male a "sir". If he's a "sir", then I expect to be a "ma'am".

It's not endearing to me; it's demeaning. And I will be speaking up. Some respondents on this thread seem to think it's no big deal. That's THEIR right, but I don't agree. To me, it's yet another example of asking women to just go along with someone not treating them equally.

Nope.

[spooky3]

79. The only time I've heard it was in a CVS. The pharm tech was

Middle aged, female, and of Caribbean or African descent, judging from her accent. I didn’t like it but attributed it to her cultural heritage.

The term I dislike the most is “young lady.” You can use that with 6 year olds, maybe, but not with women.

[hamsterjill]

82. Oh, I hate that one, too.

n/t

[electric_blue68]

84. Oh, yeah "young iady" .

🙄

[QueerDuck]

87. I agree with you! 100%

[Harker]

31. As for "pops", I would be inclined to take that as casually dismissive at best from a stranger...

quite rude at worst, depending on the situational context.

I strongly dislike being called "boss", "chief", and other phony honorifics. It's patronizing.

[LuvLoogie]

35. I don't know, man.

Maybe in a professional setting, sure. But out in the wild? It ain't that serious. Just come up with a few, short, witty responses.
Like "Thanks, sonny."

[Harker]

42. I no longer have a professional setting, and I'm usually pretty quick with a quip.

I don't get bent out of shape about it, and I can't recall having been called "pops", yet, but when the young fellow at the gas station called me "boss", I said, "I'm nobody's boss." The second time he added an extra little smile. Next time, I'll introduce myself... maybe that'll work.

[LogDog75]

80. I was called "Boss" by one of my troops

and I asked him when was he in jail? He thought for a moment and then corrected himself.

[Trueblue Texan]

98. How 'bout thanks, prick?

It's about that level of respect IMHO.

[LuvLoogie]

102. Lighten up, Francis.

[Trueblue Texan]

107. This is light.

No one likes my darkness.

[LuvLoogie]

114. Noted...

[eppur_se_muova]

128. "Junior" is good. "You young whippersnapper" is kind of the A-bomb; use it sparingly. :) nt

[Nittersing]

44. I'm 71 and retired, but the two people I called boss

were called that because they treated their staff well, kicked in when needed, shared accolades when appropriate.... They were just good people.

Neither are with us anymore, but I sure hope they knew it was with the highest respect. I'm pretty confident they did.

[Harker]

55. I'd bet that they did, given that you used it with respect.

I think my trouble with titles goes back to my early childhood, when one of my Anglophilic aunts would address envelopes to me as "Master T.J. Harker." Even at four I found that deeply irritating.

Edited to add that I referred to such honorifics as "phony" only as they pertain to me, having never been anyone's boss or chief.

[spooky3]

81. I noticed that the contractor who worked on my house was called

“Boss” by all his employees or subs. All were Latino. I think it was intended as a term of respect. He called people he didn’t know “amigo.”

[Trueblue Texan]

97. I doubt very seriously it is an attempt to show respect.

Perhaps familiarity, but not respect. At any rate, how would a man feel if a total stranger, were to call him daddy? Disgusting behavior.

[LuvLoogie]

101. It's not that serious. Sometimes I'm called "baby"

by a woman. Or sweetie. I'm 64. I suppose I can be pleasant at times, but I'm not a baby.

I don't care, personally.

One thing I absolutely don't like, though, is when a server asks 'how's everything tasting"

Thats a new thing in the last several years. Like, stay out of my mouth. Like I'm Violet chewing forbidden gum. As if taste is all food is about.

[ProfessorGAC]

4. Never Heard That, But...

...I can see how it would be annoying.
I'm a guy, so they're not going to say that to me, but I never heard my wife or other women called that.
I think my wife would find it weird.

[TexLaProgressive]

6. When my wife was in rehab it was the black nurses & aides who did that

From the tone of their voices and expressions it was clear that they meant it as respect to their elders.

None of the why and Hispanic did.

[CrispyQ]

8. My guess is she wasn't even aware she called you that.

I never had children & if someone ever calls me momma, they're gonna get an earful.

Maybe when Burger King gets their new AI headphones to check if employees are saying please & thank-you, will it check for other basic etiquette.

[hamsterjill]

11. You're probably right.

But she is aware now.

Yeah, I'm sure that AI is gonna fix this for us!!!! LOL

[Ocelot II]

10. I've never heard that and I hope I never do, because I could get real unpleasant.

[hamsterjill]

12. I thought it was just a South Texas thing...

But I commiserated with a friend last night who lives in Arizona, and she's had it happen to her. I'm not sure if it's just regional in some way.

But it sucks and it needs to stop.

[Ocelot II]

13. It's definitely not a Minnesota thing.

[hamsterjill]

22. Well, once again, Ocelot

You've given an example of where Minnesota is more more advanced than Texas!!! LOL One of these days, maybe Texas will come into the real world.

I will leave it up to you to make sure that it never becomes a thing in Minnesota, and I am sure I am leaving it in capable hands!!!! LOL

[Ocelot II]

25. We're feeling a bit prickly in these parts lately.

Call a woman Momma around here and she'll tear out your spine and beat you with it. But people in the Midwest in general tend to consider that kind of informality to be rude and intrusive. I recall meeting a guy from Alabama (or Georgia?) who within two minutes after being introduced asked me what church I went to. In this neck of the woods that's considered an extremely rude, nosy question. I was really taken aback but I had to work with the guy so I just said, "I don't."

[hamsterjill]

29. I'm surprised you didn't answer with "Satan's Spawn".

I've been asked the same question before about church. Your answer was a good one!

[Trueblue Texan]

100. It is NOT a Texas thing.

It is simply ignorance and disrespect parading as familiarity. Extremely inappropriate, no matter the setting.

[CrispyQ]

56. Now that I think about it, I knew a young woman who called her daughter momma.

I thought it was the oddest thing.

Baby girl is another one I've heard on some of the fitness videos I watch. Major cringe. Usually by a woman & not a man, & I hate it. We call girls baby girl, but boys are little man. It's deliberate. I stopped watching Criminal Minds cuz the one guy always called the smart nerd woman baby girl. The writers had to do that?

Personally, I would rather be called sister or girlfriend than either of the other two.

[hamsterjill]

65. I've heard the reference to female babies, too.

You're right! I've heard male babies called "little man", too come to think of it.

I second the cringe factor. Perhaps I cuss too much? Because any word resembling "mother" directed at me by someone who I did not give birth to - has a whole different reaction. I think of mother-you-know-what!

I understand that it may be a cultural issue - but then, that's MY cultural way of thinking as to what the word connotes. Best to just stay professional in a business setting in my opinion. Save the nicknames for family gatherings.

[eShirl]

15. I thought it was an old rock & roll thing

O momma I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law
hey hey momma by the way you move

and rap
momma said knock you out

[hamsterjill]

18. Like "my old lady"????

Yeah, that doesn't go over well either!!! LOL

[walkingman]

36. I never liked that term either...I thought it was condescending.

But I guess it would depend on how the woman feels about it. More like "biker culture" IMO.

[Vinca]

19. I've never gotten "momma," but the last hair stylist who cut my hair was "dear this" and "dear that."

I live in a fantasy world where I'm 77 but think I look 20 years younger - remember I said fantasy - so I just laughed.

[hamsterjill]

20. I like your fantasy!

I think your approach is a good one.

But what is wrong with "how would you like me to address you"? I mean, a hairdresser is gonna take a while. I understand that a drive through employee doesn't have time to establish a relationship. But a hairdresser should be hoping to establish a return customer.

[Ocelot II]

28. You know what else bugs me? Doctors.

You're expected to call them "Dr. Soandso" while they use your first name. That really pissed off my mother, a retired nurse, who had dealt with arrogant doctors in her youth. If a doctor called her by her first name (and they always did, especially when she got old), she'd say "You can call me Mrs. XXXX".

[3catwoman3]

68. I started my nurse practitioner career in the Air Force, where I was addressed by my rank.

Initially a lieutenant, and after 2 years, a captain. After I got out and got a job in a civilian private practice, I had to figure out how I wanted to introduce myself. My predecessor in the job had been called "Doctor Anne," which I was not comfortable with. I thought it was false advertising. Lots of nurse practitioners go by their first names, because we all start out as bedside nurses, and first names are what we use in that setting. After being called by my rank, switching to just my first name felt too casual and informal.

I decided to be "Mrs. 4 syllable Italian surname." I typically addressed the mothers as Mrs. Whoever. I reasoned that no one called the doctors by their first names, kids don't call their teachers by their first names, and it get like the use of a title conveyed some dignity and seriousness that was appropriate to the role. No families ever had a problem with it.

[Deuxcents]

24. I go to the stop n rob down the street for gas because I get digital coupons and a clerk there is the sweetest

She’s got the register ready for my member number and debit card and always greets me Hi Mama, how have you been? I can’t help but smile back and say good, how are ya? I don’t mind it one bit but if she called me ma’am, it wouldn't be the same friendly interaction. She’s not being disrespectful with her tone and I don’t feel disrespected. Now..dear or hon is totally not alright under any circumstance!

[hamsterjill]

26. Interesting...

I'm glad you have a special relationship with this clerk. But it sounds like you have an ongoing association that has built over time.

My experiences were not that.

[Trueblue Texan]

27. I couldn't agree more...

So condescending and disrespectful! The last time that happened to me, the waitress said while walking away, but I made sure she heard me asked my friend, "Did she just call me Mama?" She had sense enough not to make that mistake again.

[hamsterjill]

75. And yet some are taking offense that I'm expecting equality. SMH...

Thanks for understanding. This must be something more common in Texas than in other areas. Some posters seem to be missing the idea that women being called "momma" and men being called "sir" is a problem in a business setting. That's disheartening for me to see on a progressive website such as DU.

I posted this in the Lounge for the very reason that it wasn't going to be something to be substantiated, give links for, etc. It's my opinion. And it most definitely and assuredly is offensive to me. There's even one post about "manufacturing" something.

Momma, my ass!!!! They can kiss it!

[mopinko]

30. not uncommon for indian shopkeepers where i live.

but i’ve only been called that by ppl who know me. i think it’s presumptuous for a random customer.

[LuckyCharms]

32. I think it's just one of those things.

Your post got me thinking...

I've been called all sorts of names by people I know well, and by people I don't...

Waitresses: Honey, sweetie, handsome, poppy(???!!!).

Barber: Boss, chief, man, my man, bro, my brother, bruh, buddy, pal.

Vendor: Cat (What's up, cat?). This guy called everyone "cat".

Old manager: "Dad" (Vietnam vet who called everyone "dad", even women).

Freinds: Sally (!?), Sonny, Luca (my name is not even close to any of these), Squiz, Horse, Dawg, or whatever name happens to pop into their head.

I think that's just the way people are.

I usually call people by their formal name...for example, if someone is named "Francis", and everyone calls them "Fran", I will call them "Francis". Michael? I'll call them "Michael" instead of Mike.

[Zackzzzz]

38. My name has 3 syllables. So I don't mind if people shorten it to 1 syllable.

I had a friend named Arthur. One day I called him Art.

His response was, "My friends call me Arthur."

[hamsterjill]

41. I have a friend whose name is "Michael".

He has spent his life correcting people who call him "Mike". He just responds with "My name is Michael". He's done it every single time I've heard it happen for over 40 years.

[DUMember24]

33. In Hispanic cutures it is a form of respect

for elders snd women. I thought it strange at first but as one who embraces diverse cultures I am okay with it. Here the younger hispanic guys and girls say "mommie" to elders. It's not meant as disrespect, but it depends on the situation and the actual culture. If that's not your culture i say dont do it.

I agree with 24. This is the South. Dont "dear", "sweetie", or honey" me.

[hamsterjill]

39. I understand that it may be cultural, but it's still not right.

What do they call older men? Daddy? Poppa? I'm curious.

I did not feel respected. I felt demeaned. At what point do they decide to start calling women that? Age 40? Age 50? I mean, it's pretty presumptuous for someone to be able to decide who is and is not "elder".

I'm not trying to bust your chops. I know what you're saying is correct. But it's not appropriate in a business setting.

[Easterncedar]

34. In Maine they used to say "Dee-ah", unisex and kindly

The use is fading, but still appears here and there. I always liked it.

[yorkster]

62. Me too..

[Mblaze]

37. Maybe they're so illiterate

That the saw the word ma'am and thought it said momma.

[hamsterjill]

40. No, it was definitely "momma".

n/t

[AverageOldGuy]

43. Call the bank

Better yet, visit, tell them "Ma'am" will suffice. "I ain't you momma and I did not take you to raise."

[Bobstandard]

45. It's meant as a sign of friendly respect

Much the same way in Hawaii old guys like me get called Uncle by kids we’ve never seen before.

If you look for the good in people and situations, you often find it.

[hamsterjill]

49. I look for the good in people.

But I don't think that I deserve to be disrespected and feel that I can't speak up about it either.

In a professional setting, I feel that this is inappropriate. In my way of thinking, these young women need to be educated that women are equal. They need not settle for lesser treatment themselves. Neither should I. (Please see my post about the response as to the man being called "sir&quot . If a man is to be called "sir", then the very least that *I* should expect is to be called "ma'am".

[1WorldHope]

46. Momma wouldn't bother me. It sounds like she is trying to be friendly.

I didn't mind my age. I love being older. But this isn't a serious disrespect in my estimation. Certainly nothing to take to her supervisor.
You can be playful and call her punkie, sweetie pie, maybe say, thank you baby girl.
I just think we need more love in the world. There is certainly a huge difference in respecting your elders than there was when we were young, ageism is huge, especially in politics. But, I don't think that it's her intention. Saying all that, I think it is clear that I hate controversy and I was always the kid in the house trying to make everyone happy. 🙂 It never worked, but I never quit trying.

[hamsterjill]

51. I'm sorry, but it bothers me.

I didn't go to the manager, but I may next time. This is not about love in the world. This is about education and the right to expect to be treated equally.

I never shy away from controversy when it comes to being treated equally with men. I was raised by my widowed father and NEVER told I should be any less because I was born female. Guess that explains my own perspective.

[1WorldHope]

61. I too am a feminist. I understand how much stress young people are under.

Maybe just tell her next time that it feels disrespectful to you. Tell her how you want to be addressed. I'll bet she never says it to another customer again.

[hamsterjill]

63. I asked a question to make her think.

She didn't seem to get it. Hopefully, after she had a little time to think about it, she understood. I'll bet she never does it again, too. And well she shouldn't. Young women need to understand that they, too, are deserving of equal treatment - both while they are young AND as they age.

I didn't address her as "honey" or "sweetie"...I actually said "yes, ma'am" when she asked a question about the order. That is my way of showing respect to her. She's got a problem if she feels that she needs to call younger males "sir", but can't extend the same respect to women of ANY age. [Again, see my OP.]

[Ptah]

71. My grandmother would have been offended if you called her ma'am. (short for madam)

[hamsterjill]

72. What did she want to be called as a sign of respect?

Did she have a preference? Just curious.

My grandfather did not like being called "grandpa" or "grandfather" or any of the typical names associated with being a grandparent. All of his grandchildren called him by his first name.

[Ptah]

73. My point is that what is offensive to some is not offensive to others.

Why be offended that someone didn't know your particular peeve?

[hamsterjill]

74. So if a 40 year old male is to be referred to as "sir"

Why is an older female referred to as "momma"? Why the disparity?

Yes, that's my peeve.

Have a great rest of your day.

[Skittles]

126. you ain't alone, gal

I've never heard it myself but I would not like it one bit, WTF kind of fucking NONSENSE is that? If they want to "show respect", BEHAVE IN A PROFESSIONAL MANNER.

[stopdiggin]

58. do like this response. it may seem 'odd' to your prior experience

Last edited Fri Feb 27, 2026, 05:29 PM - Edit history (1)

But - maybe we shouldn't be trying to gin up disrespect and offense at every little thing that comes our way. We got plenty of really rude and offensive stuff to wade through in our lives. No need manufacturing more.

[Trueblue Texan]

99. It may not feel rude to you, but it certainly feels that way to some of us.

And to have our feelings about it discounted feels like gaslighting, even if that's not the way it was intended.

[stopdiggin]

106. gaslighting ?? Yikes! I see an exchange of opinion ... (which seems to be about equally divided up and down thread)

But - nonetheless - thank you for so effortlessly illustrating my 'ease of offense' comment !

[Trueblue Texan]

109. I guess you could say that no matter the offense.

Great gaslighting technique ya got there!

[stopdiggin]

111. Yeah. If we have a diffferent point of view - definitely a 'put down' involved ..

[Trueblue Texan]

113. I think we are in agreement on this, at least. nt

[stopdiggin]

115. Joking? The sarcasm was literally dripping ...

The difference being - my feelings are not at all hurt ....

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[Trueblue Texan]

119. neither are mine. I hope you have a lovely Friday night. nt

[quaint]

52. Working in Southern California for 50+ years I always felt respected when addressed as Momma.

Filipinas, Latinas, anyone, younger or older, who called me Momma, put a smile on my face.

[hamsterjill]

54. I'm happy for you.

I simply disagree.

I didn't feel respected and I think I am entitled to be addressed appropriately in a business situation. I don't think they refer to older men as "Daddy" and I don't think I am deserving of any lesser treatment.

[quaint]

57. Ubiquitous in the office world of SoCal.

Each time the speaker was conveying respect to me.
They did not address all women as Momma, but did not discriminate against young or old.

[hamsterjill]

59. But what did they call the men?

I'm really curious.

[quaint]

89. I haven't heard anything except uncle or boss, usually not standing close enough.

Most often one woman has helped another and she says, "Thank you, Momma."
Again, sorry you are offended. Cultural differences, I think.

[Trueblue Texan]

103. If it came from someone in those cultures, I would know it was meant as respect.

I have heard that and been told that in those cultures it is respectful to call older women mama. The mama I got was NOT from someone with any of those cultural backgrounds. She was a woman about 30 working at a restaurant similar to Hooter's--another reason it struck me as so disrespectful. I was just about ready to tell her that my daughters would never work in such a place, but decided that would have been as bad as what she said to me. Anyway, she seemed to have gotten the message from what I did say--I hope it made her consider that not everyone appreciates being called "mama".

[quaint]

105. How would someone, being respectful in their culture, know you would be greatly offended by Momma?

Were they snide? How would you know what their particular culture is?
I am actually laughing because I am greatly offended by Repuglycans and don't have excess offense to spend!

[Trueblue Texan]

110. I said if the comment came from one of those cultures mentioned I would NOT have taken it as disrespectful.

But the person who called me mama was not of one of those cultures and yes, it was offensive to me in that case.

[camartinwv]

64. It is meant to be a term of endearment but it is perhaps too familiar in that situation.

I live in Florida, men and women call me Mama. I am 72 years old. This originates from Hispanic culture I believe but has become common throughout. I do not take offense to it though I get your point.

[hamsterjill]

66. What do they call men of the same age?

That's my point - do they call the men "daddy"?

[Lifeafter70]

86. You have asked this a few times

In my experience it has been poppi.
In the Hispanic culture both momma, mommi or poppi are terms of endearment or respect for their elders.
My son's children and grandchildren have always called him poppi.

[hamsterjill]

88. Yes, I wanted an answer.

I usually keep asking until I get one. Is that a problem for you?

But I don't think it's appropriate to call an elderly woman a term of endearment in a business setting - especially when the young woman admitted to calling a 40 year old male a "sir", and especially without asking her if she minds.

I see nothing wrong with what you are describing, which is a family situation or social situation.

[Lifeafter70]

90. No problem for me

I have been called momma in many different settings and don't take offence to it. Maybe because I have always lived in diverse communities. Where this term is used often. As a white woman it meant that I was accepted as family in my community.
My take is the young woman did not feel the same solidarity with the male customer as she did with you.
You do have a right to let her know your preference but please don't assume her intent.

[hamsterjill]

91. Noted.

You have no way of knowing this about me, but I've got a pretty diverse background myself.

It would not be a compliment to me to think that the young woman felt some sort of solidarity with me when she doesn't see the issue of calling me "momma" and the male "sir". It just makes me think she's unprofessional and probably that, deep down, she's been taught that women need to be complicit and accepting of the fact that males deserve more. But then again, I'm surmising in my interpretation, just as you are in yours.

So, if you're asking ME not to assume her intent - I would ask the same of you because you weren't there. I was.

Have a nice afternoon.

[Lifeafter70]

104. Wow

I did not assume anything about you. Just trying to give you a different perspective on why the young woman used that term when she addressed you.
This is a cultural term of endearment not one of disrespect. I have noticed that many young women have adopted this over the last few years. My younger female coworkers have referred to me as momma on many occasions. I can assure you none of these young women would tolerate disrespect of any kind. Many are involved in equal rights and are very politically involved. They are a very diverse group
Different generations have terms that are not meant as disrespect. What seems as disrespect to you may not be to them. You could have simply explained to her why you were offended. Instead you asked a question she didn't understand due to her youth and generational speech terms.

You are right I don't know you and by the same token you don't know me.
I'm a 73 year old white woman who has been involved in equal rights and other causes since the late 60s. So I have been through a lot.

My only point to you was maybe you judged the young woman too harshly.
This was a 20 something, working at a fast food restaurant. Not a podcaster spewing hate.

All I'm saying is maybe you are taking this a little too personally. If you had actually engaged her in a conversation and explained your concerns and she reacted poorly, I might look at it differently.

[femmedem]

122. I always take it as being accepted into a community, too. n/t

[Trueblue Texan]

112. Coming from someone in a hispanic culture it means something different, I know.

But coming from the person it came from, it was disrespectful. Maybe she didn't mean it that way, but it was offensive and she and others, especially in the service business should consider that not everyone is going to appreciate their attempts at familiarity. How about just some plain old good manners, thank you, you're welcome, I'm happy to help, etc. You know basic etiquette that shows respect that we all appreciate.

[intheflow]

69. I feel like the majority of DUers on this thread must lead very insular lives.

I (62 yo white woman) have been called Mama, Mami, and Mommy by strangers since my hair started going grey in my 30s. It's akin to terms like "honey," "babe," and "sweetie" that have fallen out of favor. I've heard it mostly from Latinos (here in Massachusetts and also in Colorado and Mississippi), and younger black folk, and I feel like it arose through Latino culture (and maybe Afro-Latino culture) from the Spanish mami (mommy), as in this Urban Dictionary definition from 2006:

Mami
{{IS A SPANISH WORD}}Mainly used by Dominicans, Puerto Ricans,Cubans & Other. These are the countries that originally used this as more of a slang term.Can be used with kids,Partner{female}.Similar 2 Hun,Boo,Girl,Baby .{males Refer to females:Mami}{females refer to males : Papi}

Now this word is being used by non-spanish speaking people
{spanglish}, Can be used by anyone{short form is Ma}
{males Refer to females:Mami}{females refer to males : Papi}
{Mami example 1}
Guy:How u doin mami?___how u doin honey
Girl:Im good

{Example 2 Different Context Meaning beautiful women.}
Guy:Woah Que Mami.

{Example 3. Use with children}
Mother:Mami how was school today?
Daughter: It was Good.
by x_Tha_Latina January 29, 2006

Personally, as long as no one is calling me a b*tch, c*nt, wh*re, etc., I'm cool. No harm is meant.

[hamsterjill]

70. Good for you.

You'll understand if I feel differently, of course. The harm, in my opinion, is the young woman referenced in my post explaining that she'd call a younger male "sir". Am I not entitled to the same respect?

I feel that I am.

[Trueblue Texan]

120. and if someone says "bless your heart" would you know what it meant?

It would mean different things in different contexts, of course, as does the address "mama." Credit us old gals as having been around long enough to know what we find offensive. You needn't live an insular life to have preferences. To each his own, but the world works better when we realize that we are all different and have different sensibilities.

[intheflow]

132. The insular comment was because so many DUers

hadn’t heard this before. I totally understand being offended by it. But for me, it’s not as offensive as everything the regime does, and therefore, not worth me getting riled up about. Especially when it’s used as a friendly colloquialism and not as objectifying. But you do you.

[Keepthesoulalive]

76. I am an older woman of color

Younger folks call me momma and also ask me how to bake a pound cake. I don’t get too fussed about it. Now if someone calls me the hard r let’s just say it is going to be interesting.

[LogDog75]

83. Those workers represent the bussiness they're working for

If one takes offense at being called "momma," "Hon,", "Sweetie," or other term then contact the manager or owner of the company and let them know how feel. If it's a large company, such as McDonalds, then send a letter to the corporate office telling them when, where, and who said what and why it was inappropriate.

[electric_blue68]

85. Mostly I hear this from Hispanic people.

[Scrivener7]

92. It bothered me a ton till I had worked in Hispanic neighborhoods for a while. There were a few

situations where I saw "mommy" was clearly a term of endearment, so when my clients called me that, I took it that way.

"Momma" I never heard, and for strangers I don't think either is appropriate.

[Dorothy V]

93. They wouldn't call me momma twice. To adults I am Ms Dorothy until you know me better, and always to children.

[hamsterjill]

94. Maya Angelou

Please also note that Ms. Angelou replies to the young woman with "yes, ma'am" after setting her straight.

[Dorothy V]

95. Great video! Terms of respect vary from area to area. Here, Ms. or Mr. followed by the first name is

respectful, just as Don or Doña plus the first name are in Spain. It is used for an older aquaintance, but not of course on first meeting. Sir and ma'am are always required except with closest friends and family in casual situations - and even then children should use ma'am and sir. It teaches children common politeness and respect.

[Lifeafter70]

108. This is what I'm saying

You should have clearly explained to her why you were offended.
That is what Ms. Angelo did.

[hamsterjill]

121. There's only so much time when you're in the drive through lane!!!!

Or are you one of those who holds up the line and pisses everybody else off???!!!

[Lifeafter70]

123. No

Just one of "those" willing to give a fellow human being the benifit of kindness and understanding.

You want to make this into some huge disrespectful thing the young woman said to you and I simply see it differently.

I have not been rude to you but you continue to make snide and condescending remarks to me.

So I'm done responding. I have much bigger things going on in my life. Since my son was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I have a different outlook on my fellow man and don't get offended by small stuff.

[hamsterjill]

124. I don't understand why it's so important to you that *I* be like you.

Last edited Sat Feb 28, 2026, 08:32 AM - Edit history (1)

I was offended. You are not.

What's wrong with that? You don't have a responsibility to "teach me" anything, and yet I feel like you think you do. I'm almost the same age as you, and I've lost two siblings to cancer and have a third one battling it now. Most of us have trials in life. I'm truly sorry to hear about your son's diagnosis. Cancer is, without a debt, devastating, and I wish it on no one.

Cultural differences are unique. That's why we have business decorum. In a business setting, it is not appropriate to call someone a nickname of sorts and expect that it might not offend. You have entirely missed the point that the woman was not calling the male some type of cultural nickname. To me, that means inequality. That's a big issue for me. Nonnegotiable. It doesn't bother you? No problem. But it bothers me. Your telling me that it shouldn't bother me means nothing. It bothers me. I am entitled to my feelings.

In addition, in my own culture, the word "momma" is an informal name for "mother". I reserve the use of that word for those that I've given birth to. To be called that by someone other than who I have given birth to generally equates to being called a "mother fucker". (Sorry if this is indelicate, but I didn't seem to get the point across any other way).

When transacting business, professionalism is the best approach. It's not for me to "understand" everyone's motivations and then change who *I* am to make them feel comfortable. I didn't report her to her manager. I didn't yell at her. I didn't do anything other than make a statement that was meant to make HER think about what she was doing.

There is no argument that someone should use "please" and "thank you" in business, is there? So there should be no argument that someone should use "sir" or "ma'am" OR in the alternative, ask how the customer would like to be addressed. So go ahead and deem yourself somehow superior by having a bigger acceptance umbrella if that makes you happy (i.e., "one of those willing to give a fellow human being the benefit of kindness and understanding.&quot . But just remember that other people are entitled to their opinions, too. And it's not your job to try to change them when they obviously aren't looking to have those opinions changed. Best of luck to you.

[Totally Tunsie]

129. I've had that happen twice, both times by Vietnamese manicurists,

the first one in Massachusetts and the second in South Carolina. In fact, the SC occurrence was just last week. I'm thinking it's just a cultural thing, but I'm not really crazy about it. Both seemed to use it affectionately, but it still surprises me nonetheless.

[The Blue Flower]

131. "If I was your mama, I'd have raised you to have better manners!"

My response.

[hamsterjill]

133. Love this!!!

n/t