A man goes to visit a psychiatrist for the first time.

[LuckyCharms]

He says to the psychiatrist "Doctor, I can't seem to make any friends".

The psychiatrist gently nods his head, and remains silent while waiting for the man to continue talking.

The man then says "Well, are you going to help me or not, you fat ugly bastard".

[MIButterfly]

1. That made me laugh

[LuckyCharms]

2. I've been laughing all week at this joke.

But I've been hesitant to post it!

[Marthe48]

3. Where's Dale Carnegie when you need him?

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, copyright 1937

[Marthe48]

4. A joke

A duck walks into a psychiatrist's office...
He sits on the couch and the two stare at each other in silence for a moment. Eventually the duck says, "Quack."

"Get out of here!" yells the psychiatrist. "I won't be ridiculed in my office."

The duck travels to another psychiatrist's office. He sits on the couch. The two look at each other in silence for a time. Again, the duck says, "Quack."

"An insult!" shouts the psychiatrist. "I'll have you know I was top of my class. Get out!"

The duck travels to a third psychiatrist. He sits on the couch. They stare at each other for a short while. The psychiatrist says, "You hate your father, you worry about money, and you're lonely".

"Finally," says the duck. "Those other two quacks were idiots."

[Marthe48]

5. An even better joke

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.

lol

[LuckyCharms]

7. You're on a roll, Marthe!

[some_of_us_are_sane]

6. Lucky, you never fail

to make me LAUGH!!!

[LuckyCharms]

8. Good, good!

[Aristus]

9. Sounds like a joke, but it's not.

Occasional clinic visit:

"I can't seem to find a medical provider who can help me. I never hear back from them."

Me: "What seems to be the problem?"

"Before we get started, I just want to let you know that I don't get vaccinated, every medication on the market is trying to kill me, specialty care providers are all money-grubbing incompetents, and I don't trust any diagnosis I get, because I know my body!"

Me: "Umm........."

[LudwigPastorius]

10. A man walks into his first appointment with a psychiatrist wearing nothing but Saran wrap all over his body.

He says, "Doc, I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing coming to you, but I need help."

The shrink looks him over head to toe and says, "Don't worry. You are in the right place. I can clearly see your nuts."

[Emile]

12. Oh my, lol 😆

[Emile]

11. LOL