Different communication styles.

[LuckyCharms]

I tend to be very quick, pointed and direct when communicating.

My wife is kind of the opposite. She communicates probably better than I do, but she does it in a different way.

She's more introspective than I am, and she measures her words and asks a lot of questions. She has to ask a lot of questions to get to her point.

This causes some light-hearted conflict. We are both aware of this conflict, and we laugh about it.

Here's what happens: She asks me random questions out of the blue about something she is thinking about. I'll be thinking about something entirely different, and she will suddenly ask me some random question...and I will have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

Because of all of this, when we were coming home from my doctor's appointment yesterday, we both got laughing so hard that I had to pull the car over on a busy road because we both had tears running down our face laughing, and I was unable to drive.

Let me see if I can put this into words to properly convey what I'm talking about:

First of all, her name is Deborah. Pronounced DEB-RAH. She's Polish. Her Polish grandfather used to pronounce it the Polish way...DebORA. Like...with the accent on the last syllable.

So we are driving home, and she suddenly asks me something like:

Did you take care of that thing?

Whenever she does this, the hairs on my forearm stand up...because I have no fucking idea what she is asking me.

So I just threw my hands up in the air like I always do and said "I...I have no fucking idea what you are talking about".

Her: Rolls her eyes..."It's a simple question...that thing...did you take care of it? That thing we were talking about"?

Me: Wut?

Her: DO YOU NOT HEAR ME, OR ARE YOU JUST NOT LISTENING?

Me: Use your words and tell me what you are talking about. I'm not a mind reader.

Her: You're EXACTLY like my father. Exactly! You don't listen!

Me: I heard you, I just don't know what the fuck you are asking me.

Her: It's a simple question.

Me: Speak English.

Her: I AM SPEAKING ENGLISH. IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION.

Then, with a Polish accent, I looked at her and said "Me no speak your language, DebORA".

She looked at me for a second, pissed off, and then burst out laughing. Then I got laughing. Then we started screaming laughing. You kind of had to be there, and I'm probably not explaining this well to convey what happened...but anyway, I had to pull over.

I guess what i am trying to say is...we are in a constant state of laughter. Sometimes I can't believe how much laughter is in this house...it's kind of remarkable. Sincere, big laughs.

So, go have a laugh today. It makes everything better.

[EYESORE 9001]

1. I can relate to that

Our dialogue usually includes a request for something resembling a frame of reference. I inevitably find invoke the word ‘wut ’ - often multiple times. I also hear, ‘I was just talking about that (20 minutes earlier), and you’ve already forgotten?’

[LuckyCharms]

2. Yep, I know what you are saying!

[EYESORE 9001]

7. And you know what I'm hearing

?w=1060

[marble falls]

3. Welcome to the world of aging with a good friend and lover! Joy and my arguments last about two minutes ...

... then we retreat to neutral corners and in two more minutes we come out laughing.

Does she pull the old mumble from the kitchen, back turned to you; when you say whaaat?, she says, "are you wearing your hearing aids?" I am deaf but the music is on, I'm typing on DU and the water's running in the kitchen. But there's no one on earth I'd rather be with. She puts up with me.

[Marthe48]

4. I know what you mean

I met my family for dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant last night. We were all laughing and telling stories. I think you had to be there, but it was a lot of fun.

[DFW]

5. I think this happens a lot when you have a spouse from a different culture

My wife took a long time to get used to American humor. After 50 years, she is fairly well versed, and she likes to pull phrases out of America TV or films out of nowhere (German TV and ads, too, of course).

One very early morning, I had to get up very early to make an early appointment in France. As I was trying to sneak out of bed without waking her, she woke anyway and said, "Wait" Where are you going? I was gonna make espresso!"

If you have never seen the film Young Frankenstein, you much the poorer for it!!!! Allow me to explain:

[karin_sj]

16. Love this!

Gene Hackman was so hilarious as the blind guy. Makes me want to see the movie again.

[erronis]

6. So it was you in the car in front of me. A couple throwing their arms around and the car swerving.

I'm glad you pulled off to the side of the road!

No, seriously - I love when this happens to me. A question out of nowhere. It's like someone opened up a window into their mind mid-stream-of-consciousness. Let's play a game of "Guess what I'm talking about!"

It's nice to hear others have these conversational quirks.

[mwmisses4289]

8. My dh does this, and he was born and raised in the u.s.

I call it starting a conversation in the middle. It takes me a bit, especially when he says something like "what we were talking about a few days ago!" Ok, we talked about alot of things a few days ago, and in the days since, and I've slept a few times since then. Eventually, we get it worked out. But it can be frustrating as hell!

[some_of_us_are_sane]

9. Lucky, my husband and I

DO THE SAME EXACT THING! (Tell your sweet wife I UNDERSTAND HER. ROFLMAO!)

[mopinko]

10. a sense of humor is not only important in relationships,

it’s a sign of intelligence.
although i’m divorced now, humor made 30 yrs possible. my ex is funny as hell. our kids r hilarious, too. it’s served them well.

[Seinan Sensei]

11. OMG!

That resonates totally 😂

I could understand my Wife so much better if she would quit using indefinite pronouns, quit using he- she- him- her- it-
For example, in a room full of women, Wife might observe, “she said she doesn’t like her.”
(Is Wife talking about two women, or three? And which two? Which three?)

Great vignette. Thanks for the laugh!

[Nasruddin]

23. Nouns

The anti-wokists would have done us all a favor if they [sic] had eliminated all 3rd person pronouns instead of turning grammar into biology challenge. I’m for clear speech!

You might say I’m pro nouns, not pronouns.

[True Dough]

12. You sound

good for each other!

[Fla Dem]

13. Love how the dialogue ended......BUT DID YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT THING?????

[Bristlecone]

14. Well, did you take care of that thing or not?

My wife is exactly the same way. She had about 20 steps/thoughts in her head from her initial thought, and somehow expects me to have followed along the whole time.

[NNadir]

15. A good marriage is conversational multitasking best practiced with laughter.

Last edited Wed Jun 10, 2026, 11:02 AM - Edit history (1)

Congrats on having a good marriage. There is nothing better.

[karin_sj]

17. Happens to us all the time

You'd think he'd be used to it after 44 years! I think it's a compliment to him that I assume he always knows what I'm thinking when I blurt out something out of the blue that is totally unrelated to the current conversation. And then there's all the times where he has walked out of the room and is almost out of earshot when I ask him a question or make a comment. IMO, humor is a vital component of of a marriage or any long-term relationship for that matter.

[StarryNite]

18. Well? Did you take care of that thing?

I don't care what it was I just want to know if you took care of it?

[murielm99]

19. I have some female friends I do that with.

I will say, "You were there when whatchamacallit said that thing. You know!" My friend will say, "Yeah. I remember." "That was just the other day, wasn't it?" I will say, "Yes."

It works well with female friends.

[Martin Eden]

20. Same with me and my wife

She will state or ask something totally out of context, using a generic word like "thing" or "it" instead of an identifying word.

This is compounded by my hearing loss, even with hearing aids. I often guess at what the hell she's talking about, almost always wrong.

When we're watching TV together we converse about the program, but she tends to speak at the same time as dialogue, then I can't understand either. She's much better at multi-tasking her attention, whereas I'm more narrowly focused.

I tend to tune out during commercials, reading a magazine or something on my phone. She will make a comment about a commercial, so it's totally out of context for me. Then I have to ask what she meant with her comment, or just ignore her.

She is not pleased with either.

[EverHopeful]

21. Sounds a bit like what my Dad and I called talking crooked

Sometimes we'd get a ways into a conversation before we realized we were talking about different things and have a good laugh--and be amazed at how well the conversation worked even though we were each on our own track.

Saying we were talking crooked also worked well if we were disagreeing and getting a bit annoyed with each other. Worked well as a reminder to take a breath and try listening better and trying to better express whatever point we were trying to make. Still miss him after all these years.