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Just don't aim them at my private parts. 
And you've come to the right place with the DU Lounge!
Stay strong and keep pushing ahead. Brighter days are in front of you....
Good start. 
When you figure out how to do that, will you post a thread? Mine is all fucked up.
to get all of my zits tattooed.
You are your own person. HopeHoops was entirely different.
I wish you well in your quest for equilibrium. I know it can be hard; I'm fortunate to have a good man who married me to help me with that.
Peace to you as well!
check around and find a group for people who are dealing with loss. I know many churches have such support groups. I'm guessing your local mental health agency can steer you to some good ones. You're always welcome to pull up a chair here in the Lounge, but it's good to talk to some people IRL.
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you deserve to have a little fun, hope the assholes can leave you alone
They're not assholes...they are just....um....um....
Hold on, phone is ringing
I think it's the holidays. At least it is for me. After I lost my brother I powered through the first couple years but this year is really hitting me hard for some reason. I kept a good face for Thanksgiving but what I really wanted to do was climb inside a bottle of gin.
Hang in there...
I know exactly what you mean....it gets better and then it comes back twice as hard. I gave up drinking for awhile...I never really had intense desires to drink, but I sure do now. It would feel like medicine. You hang in there too.
Meta is the last place I'd recommend to any new DUers. It can be a real shark tank even if you know your way around and who to avoid or put on ignore. In my early DU days as MN_ChimpH8r I spent a lot of time in the Lounge getting the lay of the land.
Welcome, and all peace and good vibes. Here's a pony just for good measure:
Big difference between sympathy and empathy, and I hope you can feel that there's some empathy here for you, coming from everyone who's ever gone through like times.
Sounds like you've had some challenges here. I don't know what they are; I never seem to be up on the latest, but there's no reason not to be here unless it's hurting more than it's helping. I'm enjoying getting to know you and think others are as well. It can be a little Wild-West-y sometimes, so take care of yourself when someone gets to you.
And I hope there are folks you can turn to in your everyday life as well.
Unless someone brings Meta shit over here, I'll be fine.
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I can't BELIEVE I just hugged a stupid skeey stoner.
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I've talked to two 9/11 survivors. One was a nurse practitioner...she was having a tough time. My heart goes out to you.
Thanks for your wonderful words.
My best friend has had a pretty rough go, herself, and sometimes I've heard her say that she believes she must have run over God's dog in an earlier life, or some such thing.
Not to make light of it - not at all. (Although, sometimes you can't do anything else but laugh at it.)
When my mom died several years ago, I posted about it very late that night. Husband and kids were asleep and I had my usual insomnia, and felt kinda puny and alone, with lots of mixed feelings. My mom and I had had some difficult times between us. Her multi-headed illness took her down slow and hard. Perhaps you know how it is when your loved one's sickness cannot be cured, and you know it's only a matter of time, and when the time comes - there's that fallback "well, she's in a better place," or "well, at least she isn't suffering anymore," or "well, at least she isn't in pain anymore." And all that other lame stuff you say to yourself at times like that. When the death is actually one of those Bizarro World blessings. When even my mom herself, who'd always fought it and always felt she was gonna get up out of that hospital bed one more time - had now been saying "this isn't living. This isn't living." She'd reached the point where she finally wanted to go. And there you are, knowing it's the only way out.
And I posted just a one-liner on DU. And I shrugged and went to make a cup of tea.
I returned to my computer and was promptly OVERWHELMED. OVER-FREAKIN'-WHELMED.
There were some 20-or-so posts already. Loving, kind, sympathetic, empathetic, supportive, you name it. Just all of a sudden. Outta NOWHERE.
In an hour or so the responses had expanded to about a hundred. And it went on. By the next day there were SEVERAL hundred! By the NEXT DAY! And private messages of love and comfort, people offering a shoulder to cry on, people offering their phone numbers if I ever needed to talk to someone, people reaching out to me in every way. It was UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS here on this site, I will NEVER forget that. NEVER, EVER.
It won't bring your loved ones back - two-legged OR four-legged. It won't make their pain stop. It won't make YOU stop hurting. It won't make time turn back to the days before your troubles started.
But it will mean a MOUNTAIN RANGE-worth. It will buoy you up. It will make you feel not quite so alone and un-cared-about.
It's one of the most treasured times on DU that I've ever experienced. It will help you to be here and to share your troubles. There are many shoulders here to help you carry that burden. They'll help carry you, too, and help you get through it.
Glad you're here. 
BTW - I'm crying now, too. It was kind of a gnarly weekend for me (not on the order of magnitude that you are experiencing, though), and I need to remember this, myself. For my own sanity. DU is here for you. It's the BEST site on the internets.
Don't cry! You helped someone tonight!
I'm so very sorry about your mother.
My mother was old...I don't know how long I expected her to live for God's sake. But she didn't look her age. She was in the hospice part of the nursing home. She kept trying to get out of bed. They wanted to restrain her. I said absolutely not. I felt so helpless. She couldn't breathe....she grabbed the side rail and pulled herself on her side, but she couldn't hold herself there, but she kept trying. Her gown had slipped mostly off, so she was essentially naked. I crawled into bed with her and put my back against hers so she could hold herself on her side. I remember thinking how surreal that was...kind of like the opposite of birth. Very strange. Surreal.
So things look all different to me now. People talk about trolls and Zombies, people treat each other like shit in real life...nothing like that matters to me. I try to make it matter....I try to get back into the normal bullshit of life....but when I try, it does not feel real, it feels useless. I posted a few hundred posts and people were giving me shit in here...I actually got embarrassed FOR THEM and deleted all my posts! Crazy shit1 Nothing looks right!
But I was just in the wrong place on this site...there are indeed some good people here, and this thread is helping.
Thank you so much...I'm glad you are here too
Know your feelings of sadness and sense of loss. I too experienced loss. My 26 yr old son and 54 year husband died 18 months apart from cancer. I was with them when they took their last breathe. In between their deaths my dad died and my 13 year old dog died.
My mother died 3 years ago and I did not ever have a loving relationship like you had with your mother. I am sure you felt such grief like I felt for my son and husband. Around the time she died a very good friend the same age as me also died from cancer. I felt so much grief for and not for my mother.
i retired early due to the depression and stress of my job. I sold my wonderful townhouse to move up north to have no mortgage but do not have the connection I had where I had lived before moving. My other son met a lovely.woman and moved to England. I do feel very alone at times missing my son and very long time friends. One of them is dying now from a brain tumor.
But I will now accept these changes and try to enjoy the fact that I am alive. I plan to travel and travel as often as I can I know others have hardships like you I have had. There so many different lives and people coping the best they can. Friends and family and compassionate employers and government that gives a hand when needed.
You and I agree that DU does help us both cope and be aware of the joys and sadness and injustices in this world.
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You have suffered an extreme amount of loss.
Do you ever wonder if you will see your loved ones again?
I believe that I will. I don't know what you believe, but if your belief system allows for it, my wish for you is that you see them again.
I believe in angels. I know that will be mostly laughed at on DU, but we believe what we believe.
so nice
I believed it was possible you were HH, at first. I didn't really care one way or the other. I think you handled yourself really well. You seem like a good person, and didn't deserve all the abuse and accusations.
I hope you can put that behind you and enjoy DU. There are a lot of really good people here who care about each other. From the looks of this thread, you're more than welcome here.
I did not handle myself well. I deleted several hundred of my posts. I didn't do it for a reason that anyone else would understand though. I think I needed to start over or something.
I appreciate your kind words, pintobean.
Many (((vibes))) and many
I'm feeling a little frustrated right now myself -- for a lot less reason that you do. Thanks for putting it in perspective. another for that.
ETA: Check out GrayWarrior's Pallas Cats. That ought to be good for a smile.
"Suffering knows no priority".
If you hurt, you hurt.
I hope things get better...my best wishes for you.
I hope things will get better for you in the new year.and you have my best wishes too
You are handling your trials and tribulations better than I would be. I could say that time will make things better. In a way, I guess that's true in that we put one foot in front of the other, and march on, and become more like who we used to be. But we are the sum of our past experiences. So we can never be exactly who we were before, but those painful, awful experiences become part of who we are.
They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Sort of like building up muscle from working out with weights.
I have a book called The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama. There's a lot in that book, but one thing he mentions about suffering is that it may help to recognize that suffering is a natural part of life. There can also be something good that comes out of it. For one thing, it could help yu become a more compassionate and empathetic person toward others who suffer.
Your trials are now part of who you are. My trials have made me bitter in a way
But then I also recognize how lucky I've been in other ways that others have not been. And I recognize the time I wasted feeling sorry for myself and dwelling too much on the adversity, not seeing what I can now see in retrospect: that I had so many good things going on, that I wasn't focusing on at the time because I was so focused on the problems. If you have good health, a few years ahead of you, a decent job (or some sort of income), health care, and a couple of friends, you have a lot to be thankful for. You have a house, too!
Good luck. Thanks for reminding me what problems others have faced that I have been spared, so far. Except for the dog. I've had to face that several times....pieces of my heart remained behind. But I now have two frisky wonderful rescue dogs that make my heart almost burst with love.
But what I will say for now is that you have written some incredibly wise words, And I thank you.
Back in 2009 I lived through the Red River Flood of that spring, my stepdad dying very suddenly and unexpectedly, and my best friend getting raped. Then my grandmother died that fall.
Hang in there!
Lost my job of 20 years in 2007. Been trying to survive on seasonal and rare contract work while I watch what's left of my career die a slow death. Can't afford to replace all my ancient stuff (car, appliances, mattress, etc.) that was starting to wear out before I got laid off. Lost 2 of 3 cats since then. Mom suffering from neurological complications of breast cancer, and no longer resembles the person that was my mom. Can't afford to visit. Her care is wearing out my dad, although now my sisters are around to give him a hand. A good friend was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Haven't seen a doctor myself in over 6 years, which is just as well. He/she would probably harp on me for all the weight I gained from stress eating, as if I wasn't aware of it already.
This, too, shall pass. Or, so they say.
You have a lot on your plate.
PLEASE try to find a way to get yourself to a doc, and be good to yourself.
Thanks Cubs, for your good words.
I'm very sorry for your losses of those close to you, and for the trauma to your best friend.
I'm also sorry about your flooding.
Water...too much of it...hard to realize how devastating it can be until you go through it.You hang in there, too.
You know or can guess what I think of your tormenters. You aren't the only one they have done this to -- which is to say it isn't you, it's them.
Loss is so hard. My husband and my mom both passed away a few years ago. It still feels very recent to me. I hope you can find some comfort this holday season, in any form it might be -- whether someone IRL, a pet, or a thought, anything.
Including a song I like that reminds me of those I have lost, or who are not close by for whatever reason.
Glad you're hanging in there with us.
I wish you a peaceful holiday season, and thank you for the lovely song.
the PTSD meds. My meds have been a life-saver for me.
Best to you!
thank you, and best wishes to you
and
Thank you
Stay out of General Discussion and Meta.
Trust me.
I appreciate you.
None of us are perfect, I certainly am not.
I read elsewhere where you typed about people that hate you.
But I think you have a good heart.
good enough, OK? I am done. 
has no hierarchy.
We all suffer, and it doesn't matter who has been through worse.
What makes me suffer may not make you suffer, and vice versa.
I am sending you good wishes, and I hope that things look brighter for you soon.
No sympathy but a whole lotta empathy, and gratitude that you opened up and shared here. That is HARD to do. Good on you for having the courage.
You've experienced a lot of loss. My sincere condolences on the passing of your beloved mother so recently. I hope you can find some measure of peace one day. I'm sure your mother would want that for you.
I'm giving you hugs anyway, and asking that you be gentle with yourself.
Take care.
for your soothing words.
You take care also.
and thank you