OK, Going way out on the limb here. I spent three weeks in the psych ward in Sept. Ask me anything

[Denninmi]

Last edited Fri Dec 14, 2012, 12:24 PM - Edit history (1)

Just be kind to me, please. I really feel the need to " come out" about this. I already have in the Lounge in a lot of ways, bit by bit

Yes, I had basically a slow motion nervous breakdown this summer, and they did pretty much have to scrape me off the floor.

Don't want this to be a big weepy downer of a thread. The experience was traumatic, but a lot of good in my life is coming from it.

I have some interesting observations on our mental health system that I would like to share.

So, ask, I don't bite, and no, I'm not strapped down and drooling on myself, just kind of tired after the week so half blowing off work playing on DU. I'm not a Mark David Chapman, I'm a nice guy who ran afoul in a perfect storm of bad genes and bad luck. And I'm picking up the pieces to the best of my ability.

Ask away, I'll answer as honestly and directly as I can.

[Baitball Blogger]

1. What meds did you find helpful?

And is therapy a productive option for you?

[Denninmi]

4. Lamictal is the only psych med I'm on, it's a mood stabilizer.

Seems to be working great. No real side effects that I know of EXCEPT I have felt for a while my inhibitions are down a bit, hence the weird stuff I say, do, and write. Loved the dialogue in the movie Silver Linings Playbook about "I have poor social skills? You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things." It's in the official trailer on YouTube. I could totally relate.

I have seen the same therapist off and on since 1999 for issues relating to a very messed up childhood. Seeing her weekly now, she's the best and we have great, insightful conversations.

[Baitball Blogger]

8. I'm glad you told me this.

Okay, Denninmi, here's a bit of friendly advice. Forget that earlier suggestion about camouflaging your car.

[Denninmi]

10. Ah, that's all just blowing off steam talkin' shit.

I had that kind of sense of humor years ago, nothing to do with being bipolar.

It's all good.

[Baitball Blogger]

11. I know, I was kidding with ya.

It is the Lounge.

[Denninmi]

41. Oh, for the record.

Halfway through the day, I still think the whole suit and tie and hiking boots look is working for me. 47 by the calendar but 22 at heart.

[TrogL]

14. Any interesting side effects?

The drug pages warns about rashes.

I'm on a different med that causes IBS.

[Baitball Blogger]

25. Try probiotics to see if it can counter the effects.

[Denninmi]

38. No. Although that freaked me out at first.

Had to sign an informed consent waiver before they gave me the prescription.

[LynneSin]

2. At least you did something about it

There are millions of us out there that probably could get a world of good spending 3 weeks like that.

[Denninmi]

5. Yeah. It kinda got to the point of no longer being optional.

The 20 panic attacks a day weren't fun.

[HappyMe]

3. I don't have any questions.

I'm glad you are on the road to recovery.

[Denninmi]

7. Thanks.

Me too! What a relief to be past that little chapter of my life. Not what I planned for myself at 47.

If someone had told me back in June I would be in the psych ward in Sept, I would have asked them what they had been smoking!

[kalli007]

6. Is it anything like in the movies?

Prob not.

[Denninmi]

9. It was a surreal experience.

I was terrified the first day. I was in what they call a "partial" program - 9 to 3:30 weekdays. Nobody told me a damned thing, I was expecting One Flew Over with Nurse Ratched. I thought the first thing they would do was shoot me up with something to leave me sitting in the corner drooling on myself. Actually, the first thing was to take vitals, then some questions, then they gave me the tour, showed me the kitchen where I could leave my lunch if I chose, make coffee, and the said I could go downstairs to Starbucks or Bigby Coffee any time I wanted.

It was weird. Like some kind of corporate retreat mixed with a spa with some sad lost souls.

[MiddleFingerMom]

12. Diid the closest thing to Nurse Ratched allow you guys...

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... to watch late-season baseball or did you have to provide your own
play-by-plays folr everybody?
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[Denninmi]

16. The Tigers were in the playoffs then.

But the games were all at night. This was a "day hospital" program, so I imagine some people did watch them at home at night. Not a fan, really, so I didn't pay much attention. The group therapist was a big fan, he talked about it a lot.

[TwilightGardener]

13. Sorry that happened to you. We in our family are just beginning

the treadmill of mental health treatment for one of my kids, learning where to turn. I look forward to hearing your insights on the system.

[Denninmi]

18. Ah, I'm more ok with it now.

I always knew on some level this would happen.

The best advice I have - check out doctors VERY CAREFULLY with extreme diligence. I picked one pretty much at random from a hospital website and did no further research. Enormous mistake. I went to her looking for comfort and help, and walked out an hour later feeling completely dehumanized and like a criminal. She ordered me to either enter a hospital program or else she would report me and have the cops haul me in. Pretty traumatic, I've never been in any kind of trouble before.

After the fact, researched her, found out she has a LOT of complaints for unethical practices. Patients on those "rate your doctor" sites used terms like " brutal thug" to describe her.

Left me feeling like my picture belonged on the Post Office wall next to Osama's.

I got a referral from the hospital nurse for a GOOD doctor, night and day difference, this one is super-nice, and gets outstanding patient reviews. I really like the new one.

So, be really careful about who treats your son.

[TwilightGardener]

22. Wow--"brutal thug"--how did someone like this

end up getting licensed and having a practice? Sheesh. This is what I'm nervous about, in trying to select a therapist for my son. I did a phone interview with one doctor yesterday, and will talk to at least one more before we set up an appointment, and I'm doing a lot of "rate your doctor" research online, trying to find any bad comments or disciplinary stuff. Well, at least your bad experiences are helping others, so that's something! Hope you have a speedy healing.

[Denninmi]

42. Good question.

I haven't posted any comments on these review sites, but I should just to warn others.

Whenever I think about it, I keep thinking of a line from a Carrie Underwood song, 'The Next Time He Cheats' - "I might have saved a little trouble for the next girl."

I should save someone else the heartache.

[In_The_Wind]

15. No questions.

Just a very big hug [img][/img]

because it took courage to open up to us.
I wish you continuing recovery.

[Denninmi]

19. Thanks!

And ...

[MrScorpio]

17. You needed help, you sought it and got it

There's nothing shameful about that at all.

Good luck with your full recovery

[Denninmi]

20. Thanks, Mr. Scorpio.

Means a lot to me that all of the cool kids on DU don't look down on me.

[nolabear]

21. I'm very glad you found a safe place to get your feet under you!

Bipolar Disorder is a wild ride until you get things stable, and having a place where you can be taken care of until you get back to a pretty level place is a great thing. I'm glad you had access to a good one.

Btw I'm a therapist and I treat some people who have the disorder, so I know how important it is to give the wheel over when you can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Some of my favorite people in the whole world have this issue to deal with, and it's scary but it's a privilege to be able to work with them against the symptoms. Thank goodness it's one of the most treatable ones now, but it's slippery I know. I'm proud of you for standing right in the middle of your life and working from there. Many admiring kudos!

[Denninmi]

23. Thanks.

It was a weird experience, like living in some David Lynch film. Everything was so. ... Bipolar, dual, 2 parts of the whole. Like the hospital thing. Forced into it, terrified, thought it would kill me. Got there, after a couple of days I really calmed down and loved most of it. The other patients saddened me, some were profoundly disturbed. I wasn't that messed up compared to some, and I will NEVER go back that state again. So, I hated going there, and in the end fought my insurance and doctor to get to stay the third week.

I love therapy. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. My hat's off to you, Nolabear.

[nolabear]

29. And mine to you, Denninmi.

[datasuspect]

24. i hear what you are saying

but DU is REALLY NOT a safe place to make these disclosures.

[TwilightGardener]

27. Curious--why not?

[datasuspect]

28. eh . . .

YMMV

[Denninmi]

31. Ah, what else can they do to me?

If they want to come get me, let 'em.

Actually, for anyone who really wants the juicy details, I posted extensively about this on the DU MHS group in real time as it happened.

Just don't steal all of my best material, I'll need it for the book.

[hunter]

32. I'm open about my own mental health issues on DU.

Sometimes hearing other peoples' stories helps me when I'm in a bad place.

I've been in some hideously dark places and made it back into the light.

I want other people to know it's possible.

Modern therapies and medicines are much better than they used to be.

When I started this adventure, mental illness was still something you were supposed to tough up and keep to yourself. That social attitude left a lot of people alone and unable to seek help.

Best wishes to everyone in this thread,

Hunter

[Denninmi]

34. Hey, you've been there for me.

I'll be there for you.

[hunter]

36. Thank you!

[fizzgig]

26. how was the food?

they fed me so much during my three day inpatient stay.

[Denninmi]

33. The cafeteria was ok. Good salad bar.

I didn't have much of an appetite. The carry out sushi in the food court was good. A lot of it was your basic standard crap - Pizza Hut, Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks. I often went afterwards and picked up a salad or sushi to take home for dinner.

[geardaddy]

30. I'm glad you got the help you needed.

Are you continuing with therapy?

[Denninmi]

35. Um, I told my therapist this was ....

.... Good long-term job security for her. We can talk just about the crap my father did to me until about February ....
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... Of 2016.
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(Had to do a little MFM thing there!).

[geardaddy]

40. Yep

I hear ya.

[Taverner]

37. What does a Nervous Breakdown feel like?

[Denninmi]

39. Great question.

Extreme anxiety, mostly, Can't eat, can't sleep, mentally foggy from sleep deprivation, I had panic attacks, threw up a lot, cried at random times. Did some stupid shit which was very out of character for me. Final straw was when I got death threats from a nutso client and I started locking myself in my office, and walking around my town all night every night out of anxiety.

Meds are much better feeling, trust me.

[hedgehog]

43. Long term chronic depressive here - well controlled on 4 different medications -

I'm pretty sure it's tied to my Sjogren's Syndrome - at least looking back i can see they both went bad at the same time!

Bravo for you being open about this and helping to lift the stigma!

[Denninmi]

44. Thanks. I hope this works long term for me, too.

So far so good.

FWIW, in the flesh and blood world this is still a very closely guarded secret. I'm very apprehensive. Even family members don't know, they thought I was just going to work as always and extra moody. In fact, the hospital is like 3 miles from work, and I did go in some afternoons/evenings to do critical tasks like probate filings and finalize tax returns on extension.

Steps like this are the baby steps I am taking towards real world disclosure on a need to know basis.

[kwassa]

45. I applaud your courage.

You are doing something about it.

I've struggled with issues of deep depression, which I have mostly overcome, and spent time in therapy. I never have been hospitalized for it.

A former girlfriend that did voluntarily hospitalize herself was "scared straight" by the experience, as the very expensive program she entered lumped together patients in vastly different psychic conditions. The quality of the care she received was so questionable that she quickly left.

[Denninmi]

46. Thanks.

This program didn't take involuntary patients or anyone who could be violent, although one guy was a little scary. Everyone to my knowledge suffered either from unipolar depression or bipolar syndrome.

Overall really good. A few things, meh. Recreational therapy was, well, kinda stupid IMHO. If I wanted to do crafts and play board games I can do that at home. I tried to go through the motions, but I kept thinking that Blue Cross would be better paying for an hour of individual therapy than board games. Ditto for "relaxation therapy" - New Age music and hokey stretching exercises. Meh to all that.

Group therapy, excellent. Some people just sat, wouldn't talk. I sang like a canary at every opportunity. Psych education, excellent. My nurse/case manager, one of the kindest people I had ever met, I will be forever grateful to her, as I will be to the MSW who lead group therapy, he was tough on me in a way I needed, to make me fight for myself at a time I didn't have any real fight left in me.

Lunch was good, people rotated in and out, but I became friends with a couple of other guys and we hung out and talked. Interestingly, it was about a 1 to 3 male to female ratio.

Scared straight, damned right. I will never be in such a vulnerable position again. I know relapse can happen even if you're very faithful about taking meds, but I think I am smart enough to recognize problems and head them off at the pass.

[zellie]

47. Been down that dark hole...

TG I found Lexapro.

Haven't been back to that hell again.

[TrogL]

48. Done that

[kentauros]

49. Considering the insanity going on in the world right now,

did you ever question whether or not it was a good idea to come out of the psych ward?

[Denninmi]

50. Well, two comments about that:

1). Ok, I did like it there in a lot of ways. Alas, Blue Cross was picking up the tab, they are cheap bastards.

2) believe it or not, I'm the sane one in my family. I can't stay divorced from reality forever.