The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMatch Game Story: "Bobswampcat Assweed ran to the scrapyard brandishing scissors and ___ his hand."
It's for Easter, so make it nice.
Rule of the game: fill in the blank with 10 or more words, and make a story.
The story must end with "his hand." That is part of the challenge is to spin a story that fits the final two words.
Have fun! Make me laugh! make me cry! Make me vomit!
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)Bobswampcat Assweed ran to the scrap yard brandishing scissors and fell face first into a pile of puppy poo. Assweed was on his way to the rattrap having left it baited only yesterday with maggot ridden frog entrails in his hand.
Rabrrrrrr
(58,347 posts)Are you saying that he carried the entrails in his hand to the rattrap?
Or do you mean that he had the entrails in his hand, and when he was ready to bait the trap, he actually cut off his and the trap is literally baited with entrails in his hand?
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)In his college days he was a small time drug dealer. After graduation he partied with the rich and famous. Bob was the to go_to_guy for the ladies. He was a real looker, a lover with impeccable taste. Only the best would do for him. He found out early in his twenty's the more sex he had, the more that was offered to him. Beautiful women loved to be with him. More than one lovely lady paid his way. Buying him expensive trinkets. He still has a shoe fetish. Loved fine watches.
Alas. Bob's life was not a charmed one. As he aged, life took a downward turn for poor poor Bob. He tore his knee apart in a fall. When he was admitted to the emergency room, his life was saved. He was told that his blood work revealed he has Hep-C. He lost everything. His looks, beautiful dark thick wavy hair, the ability to continue being a toy for the rich.
Bob's old life was over at the age of 42, he fell from grace. His downward spiral carried him to living in a trailer at the junkyard. He was baiting the trap to gather a morsel of rat meat for his watery stew. Bob carried the bait to the trap. He returned home with a fresh kill from the rattrap in his hand.
Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)Last edited Tue Apr 2, 2013, 12:22 AM - Edit history (2)
a blowtorch. No one, but no one, was going to keep him from that 1957 Ford Thunderbird...she was his, he had been dreaming about her since he was a boy.
The first generation was the best...two seaters with their V8 engines ...the beauty sitting in the scrapyard had a Paxton supercharger delivering 300 horsepower... were more elegant than the ugly Corvette. Indeed the T-bird was the first of the personal luxury cars! Bobswampcat used the blowtorch to cut the chain that locked the gates ... the gates that were blocking his way to his love.
He closed the gate behind him and walked purposely to the glorious vision that had so haunted his dreams.... He stopped, his breath catching in his throat as he admired the rich color...more a deep pink than a red. The white hard top with its unique portholes gleaming in the moonlight. Her skirts were unblemished, her chrome unpitted, her whitewalls looking brand new. He offered a silent prayer of thanks to the gods who had kept her so pure, so pristine and wondered how she found her way to him and the scrapyard.
Bobswampcat ran his hands lovingly over every inch of her in the passionate caress more normally reserved for lovers. He probed her scoop, petted her chrome, lovingly examined beneath her skirts. He rested his fevered brow beside the porthole behind the drivers seat, closed his eyes and dreamed of what he would do once he got her home. Then it happened...the silence of the night was broken by the full throated roar of ignition. Startled, he jumped back and looked into the now purring car...no one was seated within. His eyes moved to the speedometer, the needle barely registering on the gauge that topped out at 150 mph. He looked around wondering who else was in the scrapyard trying to steal his baby...his love...his obsession.
Keeping his right hand firmly on his love, Bobswampcat walked around the T-bird, first moving from front to back and then abruptly turning on his heel to move back to front in an effort to find the thief who would steal his baby. He circled her, he looked inside once again and even looked under her...but no one was in sight. He decided hed climb in to test the brakes, the clutch and the three on the tree of her manual tranny. The scrapyard was huge, hed take her for a ride within its confines, before he took her through the gates....
Left foot firmly on the clutch, right on the accelerator Bobswampcat put his love into first gear and released the clutch while depressing the accelerator in rhythmic coordination. His love is having none of it...she sputters and stalls.... "No baby", he moans..."don't do this to me" He moves his hand to the ignition...but there is no key. He looks everywhere...in the glove box, above the visors, under the seats...there is no key. He tries, unsuccessfully, to use the scissors to pop the ignition. "Come on baby, purr for me again" he pleads...to no avail.
Frustrated to beyond the edge of madness, as only an obsession can, Bobswampcamp takes the two gasoline cans he had brought with him to fill her tank and soaks the interior of the T-bird and himself with the contents. Using the blowtorch he sends himself and his love to flaming glory.
The next day the the owner of the scrapyard shakes his head and says to the investigating officer, "I don't know why he wanted this old heap...she hasn't been taken care of for over 40 years, we found her in an old barn out on old Rte.9...rusting away, paint gone, wheels missing...But old Bobswampcat Assweed was crazy about her." "How do you know it was Assweed?" "Oh that was easy, I identified him by the T-bird ring on his hand."
Rabrrrrrr
(58,347 posts)Wonderful, and horrific, twist to the ending. Like the old pulp stories.
bravo to you!
Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)I am delighted you think so.
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)So this what you did after our phone call last night.
Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)and other things
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)My weekend isn't over yet. [img][/img]
warrprayer
(4,734 posts)Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)I knew we were gonna be friends! They were just so gorgeous! The first one I ever saw was black and I thought it was wicked!
warrprayer
(4,734 posts)bought in 1976
(not my picture, but mine was identical, same color. 383 wedge.)
http://image.moparmusclemagazine.com/f/featuredvehicles/b_body/mopp_1006_1962_plymouth_fury_hardtop_exclusive_photos/32985663+pheader_460x1000/mopp_1006_01+1962_plymouth_fury_2_door_hardtop+.jpg
Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)but not the feel... Still, neat first car!
warrprayer
(4,734 posts)the old t-bird is classic route 66 stuff!
MADem
(135,425 posts)Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)I'm glad you enjoyed it.
ohiosmith
(24,262 posts)Sekhmets Daughter
(7,515 posts)Bowing to the audience....
Rabrrrrrr
(58,347 posts)His intent was to have a date with himself, a serious date, a date in which he got to home plate. Unfortunately, as he nestled up to a pile of old tin roof pieces, one old heavy rusty jagged piece was dislodged and slid down at ferocious speed, cutting off his head and his hand.
Dr. Strange
(25,916 posts)Remind me to stay the hell away from Bobswampcat Assweed!
Rabrrrrrr
(58,347 posts)and yes, stay away from Bobswampcat Assweed!
Rabrrrrrr
(58,347 posts)Dr. Strange
(25,916 posts)It is finished.
Rabrrrrrr
(58,347 posts)Duer 157099
(17,742 posts)a knife sharpener--because he knew that what he was about to do would dull his scissors and he'd need them sharpened to complete his task--when suddenly he saw a bright flash in the sky above him and heard a loud BOOM! just as a meteor--oh wait, no, nevermind--so, he was on his way to cut the "Bs" and "As" out of rusty old signs in the scrapyard, so he could decorate his bedroom door in his peculiar style with his initials. After cutting out the first one, he had to resharpen his scissor blades, and while he was doing so, managed to somehow stab himself in his hand.
Rabrrrrrr
(58,347 posts)Love the nevermind section,and idea of cutting out Bs and As. Brilliant!