Medical advice needed!! I'm not sure what the problem is, but my googling

[petronius]

suggests that it's probably a gunshot wound. Also, I'm having stabbing chest pains, the entire left side of my body is numb, and I've been bitten repeatedly by a large rattlesnake. I also might be coming down with a cold.

Has anyone dealt with this before? What should I do?

[GoneOffShore]

1. Try homeopathy - there's nothing in it.

[petronius]

2. Is it expensive? Because I really don't trust empty remedies unless

they cost an awful lot of money - that's how I know it's working...

[GoneOffShore]

5. Hideously expensive.

And useless against the bleeding.

It's slightly cheaper but just as ineffective as Reiki.

[UnrepentantLiberal]

13. Try this.

[Orrex]

3. Are you sure that you haven't, in fact, been bitten by a large rattlesnake?

Or several small ones, perhaps?

[petronius]

7. That seems reasonable: I was at a department meeting last and several people

were complaining of rattlesnake bites - maybe I caught it from one of them...

[dixiegrrrrl]

4. Locking......cannot give veterinary advice on DU.

[GoneOffShore]

6. We have to address the issue of the rattlesnake

After biting Petonius it may have slunk off into the brush to die!

How can you be so cruel!?

[bluesbassman]

8. Just rub some dirt on it and get back out there.

Wait, are you even on this team?

[Tyrs WolfDaemon]

9. First thing you do is suck the venom from your wounds and...

Don't give us that "But I can't reach" excuse. If pets can lick their own nuts for fun, you should be able to suck your wounds to live.

Once that is done, check back in and tell us how you feel. Any further advice requires knowing that the venom is out of your system.

[trof]

10. Locking.

trof
Lounge Host

Not really.

[HopeHoops]

11. "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."

Standard reply.

[Kali]

12. !

[kimi]

14. I go with the drinking heavily thing

Toss some dirt in the drink and mix in some rattlesnake venom. Stir well, add exactly 1 (one) icecube, and swallow.

Now, you're covered. You'll be fine.


My bill is in the mail.

You're welcome.

[pokerfan]

15. Rub some dirt on it

Suck it up, man.

[Ptah]

16. Screw Google, Bing says it's a rash, not a gunshot wound.

Still, liberal application of alcohol is indicated.

[petronius]

18. I'm starting to see a trend here - I knew I could count on the Lounge!

Basically it's alcohol + dirt + cayenne + woo - whether it's a rash, bullet, snake, or something else! Wish I'd asked sooner; now I feel silly for paying physicians over all these years...

[applegrove]

17. Shake Cayenne pepper all over the open wounds. Then make a cayenne pepper drink and inbibe that! LOL

[mysuzuki2]

19. I'm not a doctor but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night

Actually I am a doctor but it's a PhD in Anthropology and I never really stayed at a Holiday inn. But based on my complete lack of qualifications, my professional opinion is that you are well and truly fucked!

[progressoid]

20. Put some windex on it.