A friend of a friend is having an affair. Should we tell our friend?

[Doctor_J]

Apparently our friends (a couple) are completely clueless that one half of a couple that they're friends with is being unfaithful (with someone they ALSO friends with). Should we tell our friends?

[In_The_Wind]

1. NO

[Boomerproud]

2. No.

Why get involved?

[Inkfreak]

3. Nope

But gossip is a tough temptation for people. The idea of discussing such behavior draws ya in. Resist!! It'll only turn out bad. Ya don't wanna be in that circle when it happens. IMO.

[struggle4progress]

4. My own theory is that the less gossip I hear, and the less gossip I spread, the happier I am

[Sekhmets Daughter]

5. NO! Absolutely not!

For starters, it's not any of your business!

Remember it is the bearer of bad news who frequently pays the price...that is human nature.

It is a myth that the person being cheated on is the last to know... He/She knows, they just refuse to acknowledge. Did you think the cliche 'ignorance is bliss' was referring to the price of tea in China?

What would be your motivation in revealing this info?

By telling your friends, you place them in the same uncomfortable position you find yourself...while misery does love company, it is not a worthy reason to reveal something of this nature.

[MrsBrady]

32. actually....

my exhusband was cheating and I had no clue.

there were no signs and he hid it well...
and nothing was out of the ordinary.

Sometimes you don't know.
Other people knew and said nothing.

I didn't find out until we were alredy in the middle of a divorce.
And no one told me, I found out by accident.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

37. There are always exceptions...of course!

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wish 'other' people would keep their mouths shut even after the truth has been revealed. Adding insult to injury just seems cruel to me.

I was on your 'ack' thread yesterday! particularly nice in view of what you experienced.

[boston bean]

6. no, just no, cause it will put you in the middle of something

very ugly.

[RevStPatrick]

7. No.

You should mind your own goddamned business.
And quit jabbering about it on the internet.

[HarveyDarkey]

8. MYOFB

[Phentex]

9. In this case, no...

they'll find out soon enough. And maybe they won't even care.

[NV Whino]

10. No

Not your business.

[irisblue]

11. This is way way out of friendship range.

It is possible that the couple has agreed to a non monogamous/open relationship. Humans do interesting things sometimes.

[Baitball Blogger]

12. How do they treat their spouses?

If there is an abusive situation going on, I would find a way to gently lead the person to a support group before giving them the information they need to make a decision.

[Loryn]

13. No.

It's their relationship to work out.

[sarge43]

14. No.

It's not your business.

[hobbit709]

15. Only if you want to end up in the middle of a major blowup.

[Arkansas Granny]

16. No.

[Pathwalker]

17. Unless you want them as enemies - HELL NO!

It WILL destroy your friendship and the couple WILL become enemies! Count on it!

[nolabear]

18. Not unless you want to cause a whole lot of drama and problems.

If you did it would interject some real discomfort into the whole relationship and might destroy it. It will come out eventually in its own way and might have a better outcome.

[Agschmid]

19. Nope.

[LWolf]

20. Having been the unsuspecting spouse,

I have to buck the trend and say yes. Don't tell your friends. Tell the spouse.

None of our "friends" said anything to me. It felt like a betrayal. It felt like taking sides. It felt like complicity. When the inevitable happened and the marriage ended, our "friends" had to make a choice anyway, since we wouldn't be attending the same gatherings. They didn't betray his infidelity. They couldn't look me in the eye, and while they tried to be kind, when it came time for social gatherings, he was invited with the new woman. I was shunned. Not because they didn't like me, but because they were embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Thankfully, I had two friends, and some family, that stood by me, that saw me through.

[Laurian]

22. I tend to agree with you, LWolf.

There are friends and there are friends. The friends I want to keep are those who would not shield the unfaithful person and leave me in the dark.

[LWolf]

25. Yes.

I'm thankful that there were a couple of those keepers. It's humiliating to be the last to know.

[pipi_k]

27. And here's the problem...

knowing what to do in each case.

People aren't mind readers. They can't possibly know if the innocent spouse would welcome the information or not.

If I knew someone was having an affair, I would be pissed at the person for putting me in the position of having to make a choice between hurting someone by telling on them or hurting someone by NOT telling on them.

[dawg]

23. Please forgive me, but I have a really strong desire ...

to kick the ass of all of your former "friends".

I"m sorry you were the last to know. I don't think any of my friends knew until I told them.

I don't even think any of my wife's friends knew. One of them cried when she found out.

These things are sad.

[LWolf]

24. I forgive you.

[Doctor_J]

26. We don't really know the betrayed spouse.

We are close with one couple, and they are close with the troubled couple.

[LWolf]

29. Then I would say it's up to them,

not you. But SOMEBODY ought to.

[boston bean]

28. telling the friends of the spouse is a no no.

If he/she knows the spouse personally, then yes he should tell the spouse.

But telling the spouses friends??? No, I have to respectfully disagree with that.

[LWolf]

30. Yes.

Someone who knows the spouse should tell the spouse directly.

[boston bean]

31. If the second set of friends who know the spouse do not know

they are better off not knowing. This way they never knew and they don't have to be put in a bad decision because some third party told them something, they don't know to be true or not.

These things are dicey. The wife will find out some way.

If I had a friend who know someone, and I knew that someone was cheating on their spouse, it's none of my business, and it's not my business to make the friend who knows the other, feel compelled to tell. That would be a bad thing to do, imho.

[MrsBrady]

33. +1 n/t

[olddots]

21. remember the song " Whose making love ? "

NO !!!!

the song is a dated R&B song with a chorus that asked whose making love with your old lady when you're out making love ?

[BlueJazz]

34. I'd never tell. None of my business.

[mysuzuki2]

35. not unless the person having the affair

refuses to pay you the blackmail money.

[Flashmann]

36. No!

[RILib]

38. No.

If you were asking about the couple themselves, I don't know, but certainly it shouldn't be spread around the universe, which is what you're asking.