So I checked my symptoms on WebMD

[Recursion]

And the options seem to be influenza, malaria, and dengue. Awesome. Let's root for #1, shall we?

[Chan790]

1. Oh dear, never self-DX off WebMD.

According to WebMD, I have:

• Astrocytoma (Brain Cancer)
• Hepatitis
• Leprosy
• Endocarditis
• Pancreatic Cancer
• Diabetes
• Lupus
• Hashimoto's Thyroidosis
• Sprue
• Rickets
• Scurvy
• Cushing's Disease
• Beriberi
• Pernicious Anemia
• and assorted panic disorders. (Because who wouldn't panic over having 41 different fatal illnesses.)

That's the short list. There's nothing actually wrong with me other than my hearing loss, a mild case of psoriasis and rheumatoid arthritis related to the psoriasis, being very out of shape and being slightly iron-deficient. Also, I'm prone to forgetting I was cooking with turmeric and that's why my hands are bright yellow.

[fizzgig]

3. it's always brain cancer

[Incitatus]

12. oh this looks fun

http://symptoms.webmd.com/


It appears I may have


Lumbar (low back) herniated disk
Cauda equina syndrome
Lumbar (low back) strain
Muscle strain
Lumbar spinal stenosis
Ankylosing spondylitis
Broken (fractured) low back vertebra
Osteomyelitis (bone infection)
Bone spurs
Spinal tumor
Ulcerative colitis
Vertebral compression fracture (lumbar)
Aortic aneurysm (abdomen)
Shingles (herpes zoster)

[RushIsRot]

2. It's going around.

[elleng]

6. Around Mumbai???

[Recursion]

9. All three are pretty rampant at the end of monsoon

I'm feeling better now, though, so I'm guessing either flu or food poisoning

[elleng]

16. Good you're feeling better.

We'll try not to worry too much!

[Taitertots]

4. I put my symptomes into WebMD and the results were terrifying

I put "anxiety" in and found out I had ten more ailments too. {rimshot}

[NightWatcher]

5. NEVER check symptoms online. I did and it said I'm dead

I thought I had Lyme disease but as it turned out it was Lupus and Dermatomyositis.

I was not even close.

[Populist_Prole]

13. That's SO true. About 10 years ago I thought I had cancer

The major symptom was weight loss; more so than I thought my diet change would do. You'd think i'd be happy to lose weight but weight seemed to be free-falling. I plugged that and other symptoms in and it seemed plausible cancer was taking nutrients from me causing the weight loss. I actually and deliberately sabotaged my diet by eating all the stuff I quit eating ( carbs/starches, cheese, red meat, junk food ) and more of it...just to prove to myself I could gain weight. What a dope I was. I didn't do it long and eventually "bottomed out". Turns out my diet really was effective, and I never factored in my increased physical activity. It was all just stupid panic on a whim.

[tavernier]

7. No Sheldon

and it's not cholera either.

[Dash87]

11. You're in my spot.

[csziggy]

8. Don't ask Les Nessman either - he'll convince you that you have schistosomiasis

[Incitatus]

10. dengue

You aren't in South Florida, are you?

[Barack_America]

14. What is chills, fever, muscle aches for $1000.

Hope you feel better.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

15. Don't ever do that.

You'll discover that you have bubonic plague, eleven kinds of cancer, sleeping sickness, hemorrhoids, and several diseases you've never even heard of, all of which are horribly fatal.

Stay away from WebMD.