DU Confessional: Confess your foibles.

[TheDeputy]

Come one, come all. Confess your sins to us all. Absolution will be given to those who do.


I will start:

Forgive me, DU, for I have sinned. I voted for Bush in 2000. I also hate beans in my chili, and like Sam's Club better than Costco.

[bluesbassman]

1. I once pulled all of the "Do not remove" tags from my mattress and pillows...

Felt so guilty I couldn't sleep so I duct taped 'em back on with a note the said "Dear mattress police, please don't taze me in my sleep, I won't do it again".

[lastlib]

12. you beast! You KNOW the NSA is reading this, don't you?

They'll be at your door within the hour!

[Downwinder]

2. I spoke to a cop.

[Bucky]

3. I once went on a date with a nun

But she warned me not to get into the habit

[Arugula Latte]

18. What a wimple

[Wait Wut]

4. I have nothing to confess.

I'm an angel. Anything I do/have done that goes against societal norms is trailblazing, not a sin.

BTW, beans are disgusting, so not wanting the little mushy bastards in your chili is not a sin. It's a logical choice.

The Sam's Club thing, however.

[Downwinder]

7. If You Know Beans About Chili,

If You Know Beans About Chili,
You Know That Chili Has No Beans
by Ken Finlay, singer, songwriter,
and owner of Cheatham Street Warehouse
(a music hall in San Marcos), written in 1976.

You burn some mesquite
And when the coals get hot
You bunk up some meat
And you throw it on a pot.
While some chile pods and garlic
And comino and stuff
Then you add a little salt
Till there’s just enough
You can throw in some onions
To make it smell good
You can even add tomatoes
If you feel like you should
But if you know beans about chili
You know that chili has no beans

If you know beans about chili
You know it didn’t come from Mexico
Chili was God’s gift to Texas
(Or maybe it came from down below)
And chili doesn’t go with macaroni
And dammed Yankee’s don’t go with chili queens;
And if you know beans about chili
You know that chili has no beans

[Taverner]

5. I love the Olive Garden

[pinboy3niner]

6. Rut-roh. That's the one thing for which there is no penance.

There just aren't enough Rosaries...

[TheDeputy]

14. I don't get it.

Who doesn't like breadsticks?

[Taverner]

15. Or endless raspberry lemonade?

[Dash87]

8. It's a trap!

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[vanlassie]

9. I breastfed for nine years.

[pinboy3niner]

10. If it was at Olive Garden...

...they'll be creating a new circle of Hell just for you.

[nolabear]

11. Which side of the relationship were you on?

Inquiring minds...

[lastlib]

13. I painted the water tower on campus....

... the night before Homecoming! (Well, helped...) Turned the word "Liberty" on it into "Puberty"--visible for about six miles!

[KamaAina]

16. I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

[Squinch]

25. .

[Boom Sound 416]

27. ...

[Arugula Latte]

17. I sometimes add "commentary" to Gideon bibles in hotel rooms.

[LiberalEsto]

19. I didn't close the cover before striking

and once, long ago, I opened before Xmas.

[pipi_k]

20. One time while walking

my little dog on a leash, he started sniffing around on the treebelt outside a liquor store. A guy inside came out and yelled at me, accusing my dog of leaving about 15 piles of dogshit on the treebelt. Piles too large to have come from a Chihuahua's ass.

So a few weeks later, on a Sunday, while walking my doggy past the liquor store, he decided to back himself up to the single concrete step in front of the door and leave a couple of Chihuahua turds there.

And I let him.


Yes, I am evil

[Callmecrazy]

21. I've smoked marijuana with a priest

and a policeman who later became a judge. I secretly videotaped the cop and showed it to him about five years later when he was running for election.
Didn't blackmail the guy. He was a long time family friend and I just wanted to remind him that he was human and not above reproach. And I got every ticket after that taken care of.

[hunter]

22. If I was on MIRT you'd go on the list I keep in my head.

If you were like 18 years old in 2000, first vote, and raised in a fundamentalist hell-hole I might forgive you.

Seriously, Bush???

One of the few people who ever made my skin crawl worse was Ronald Reagan.

My first presidential vote was for Jimmy Carter and history has proven me correct.

Carter is the more honorable man. I don't think highly of some of Carter's beliefs, but the alternatives were worse. I'm a Klingon when things are in the sewer. Honorable behavior rates above mendacity, duplicity, ignorance, and back-stabbing. Those Klingons had some respect for science, otherwise they'd never have left the planet.

Reagan was a venal idiot demented puppet who'd say anything or do anything for a blow job.

Just like George W. Bush, I think the red button they gave Reagan was a fake. George H.W. Bush carried the red button for Reagan, Dick Cheney carried the red button for "W."

The devil owns the Republicans and quite a few Democrats too.

[handmade34]

23. I raised a daughter

who works for Homeland Security... (...but I love all my children unconditionally)

[Locut0s]

24. I tore the plastic wrapping off one of those sealed books in a book store...

Just to read it there. It was a graphic novel. Never stole anything in my life, never will. Closest I've come to doing anything illegal come to think of it. In my defence I was drunk and not in my right mind at the time.

[Boom Sound 416]

28. I open the mircowave door without pushing cancel first

And I just got over the goddamned beans. It was a lost battle.