Well... I never made an obscene phone call (that wasn't mutually agreed upon), but...

[MiddleFingerMom]

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... the weedeater, Cool Whip and live chicken has got me... thinkin'.
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But I may have been the first person to streak in Europe (with a nod to Lady Godiva). When streaking started
as a fad in the States, I decided to streak the onpost movie theater. We planned it for days -- we didn't know
how the PTB would react and the penalties were potentially quite severe (up to and including jailtime).
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We drew all sorts of diagrams and plotted as though it were a bank job. We had an "inside man" on the job
who left a back door unlocked and a garbage can upside down by the gate so I could clear the 8-ft fence on
the run in case someone was right behind me.
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I stripped down to my underwear across the street in a German apartment complex, climbed the gate and
hid behind a dumpster until the MP's drove by making their rounds. It was drizzly and COLD (that's my story
and I'm sticking with it... why, what have you heard?) I trashed the underwear and snuck inside, dressed only
in combat boots, Gamma Goat driving goggles and a black beret (our unit wore those as we pulled border
patrol next to East Germany).
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The lobby was deserted but well-lit. I snuck up to the entry doors and peeked in. Brightly-lit by the lighted
movie screen, I took off running JUST as the screen went completely black. I aimed for where I THOUGHT
the aisle was and took off. My arms swinging, I WHACKED the head of the guy sitting in the back corner and
he started cussing. I was yelling our unit's motto and could have SWORN I heard footsteps right behind me.
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My buddies had come early and grabbed the first row of seats, to block anyone following me by standing and
acting confused (they were very familiar with that state of mind). I hit the door, tore through the back clearing,
hit the garbage can and sailed over the gate.
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And. Landed. Badly. Severely spraining my ankle. I had to (ahem) limp across the street, which had been
empty when I snuck through in my underwear. There was now a long line of Germans waiting on a red light.
Being Germany, they laughed and applauded and honked their horns.
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The footsteps I thought I had heard? I found out from my friends that it was a standing ovation.
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Best part? The doctor I worked for gave me a medical excuse for my sprained ankle, excusing me from the
morning run for 6 weeks and letting me ride my bike as a substitute (I HATE running!!!)
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. So your instincts were right (though I swan... I just have no idea why you would think such a thing - it
being so unlike me and all).
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