A Guide to the Introverted

[Gidney N Cloyd]

I thought this was pretty apt. I've seen a number of articles on this lately and it's nice to see we're getting some greater understanding these days.

[BrotherIvan]

1. I totally love this

I hope to share it with all the extroverts who deem someone who likes to spend time with themselves, enjoys peace, time to think and silence as anti-social. I just understand they have no inner monologue and need constant entertainment. Though society tries to shame introverts, we get the benefit of never being bored with our own company. It's so cool when you have a friend that "gets" that.

[loli phabay]

2. to much work, especially if they dont deem me important enough for their precious energy.

[sense]

6. Typical extrovert.

It's not always about you. That's what makes extroverts so exhausting.... they need far too much attention.... and much of the time they don't consider the needs of others. Introverts are more thoughtful and we usually try to play nice.... even when it costs us dearly. We've worked hard to figure you out and we know that consideration isn't usually reciprocated..........

[flamingdem]

14. bingo

introverts unite! well, from a distance anyway

[magical thyme]

29. actually, no work at all.

just leave us be. There, done.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Perfect.

Especially the introvert crouching in the hamster ball, hissing at the obnoxious extrovert. I totally get that. I like my hamster ball. Leave me alone and don't steal my energy.

[Vashta Nerada]

4. Extroverts drive me nuts.

My ex gf was a hardcore extrovert and it drove me crazy.

[Tigress DEM]

5. Extroverts need to learn balance. I am one. Took years devoted to being more respectful to others.

I started changing MY ways because I felt bad about stupid stuff I'd say without thinking - poster child with foot in mouth syndrome!! I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings or run over them, but thinking out loud gets me to my point. I don't know what I'm going to say sometimes until after I've said it. So I started with just trying to listen more and talk less.

My husband is an introvert. I like/liked him as/is. Fun thing about an introvert is once you do get them talking they have a lot to say. So much thinking that they haven't shared with someone who wants to listen TO them. He actually overwhelms ME sometimes. lol

My BFF (Best Friend Forever) is an introvert. To be fair, though, both my husband and BFF have great social skills and are gregarious when the situation is comfortable to them. They both grew up being painfully shy though. I guess I do a fairly good job of making a safe place to just BE in my life and I'm not really clingy. I have LOTS of people to hang out with so I get my own go-go juice, and let them be the ones to reach out to me a lot of the time.

My son is 1/2 and 1/2. It's like he LOVES people, needs the energy of the interaction, but if he doesn't get SERIOUS alone time in nature, he's awful to be around.

Maybe some of their introversion is rubbing off on me. I just declined going out with the gang because I need my own time. Been burning the candle at both ends and the middle and just have to wrap up the day and get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

[sense]

9. I think your loved ones are rubbing off

on you, in more ways than one. You've clearly thought about the differences and not just been offended or put off by the quieter people in your life.

I was painfully shy as a child. Not sure anyone knew what my voice sounded like until I was well into adulthood. Now, most people wouldn't describe me as shy, but my friends know that I'm introverted and don't take it personally when I need more alone time than most.

This Jonathan Rauch article is pretty amusing....

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/

[Tigress DEM]

11. It goes both ways. Right now my hubby goes out with friends more than I do.

Course I deal with people all day long and talk to friends and loved ones on the phone too.

In the beginning I've had introverted friends gravitate to me as kind of a cover it seems. If they are with someone who is talking and they are listening, then other people don't invade their space.

In my early 20's I never thought I'd be comfortable by myself with nothing to do. These days I crave some of that time. It's like an acquired taste.

[valerief]

7. I spent decades trying to be an *extrovert* and wondering why I found

Last edited Thu Nov 14, 2013, 06:44 PM - Edit history (1)

having too many friends exhausting. Then I learned I was an introvert. Shazam! It all made sense then.

Edited to correct my subject line.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

20. The "recharge" thing was a real eye-opener for me. I've seen that mentioned in different articles.

Part of my job is leading workshops and I enjoy it but I feel like I just ran a marathon afterwards.
The other thing was the "feeling welcome." So me.

[Marie Marie]

8. I love this.

I am leaving now to recharge.

[Tigress DEM]

12. lol nt

[burrowowl]

10. Great!

[Jamaal510]

13. I'm an introvert, but I hate it

because for me, it means lacking social skills, not having friends to hang with, being painfully shy around the opposite sex, and not having anywhere to be or anything to do in my spare time besides hang around the crib all day. If I could somehow trade being an introvert for an extrovert, I definitely would.

[Tobin S.]

17. Hi Jamaal

I'm an introvert who married an extrovert, but I used to have a similar problem around women that you have. I got over it by dating through a dating web site. You can set up a profile and say what you want about yourself. You can kind of get to know women by talking to them online (which is easier) before meeting them in person. Once you meet them you already have a shared experience and already know things about each other. It will make you feel more comfortable. It still won't be easy, but the discomfort of stepping out of your bubble should be more tolerable.

I recommend www.okcupid.com That's where I met my wife. The site was free at the time. Competition for a female's attention is strong there, but many of the guys are creeps. You seem like a nice guy, and contrary to what a lot of guys think, most women really want someone who will be kind to them. If you live in a populous area and come on like a good guy you should be able to at least get a date here and there from that site.

When I met my wife, I instantly received a benefit of her extroversion. That is, a lot of friends. And since I treat her right and I'm a nice guy they all love me.

You'll have to work at it a little, Jamaal, but you have to try to make any progress.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

19. Great post, Tobin. And BTW OKCupid is still free. There's a premium tier but that...

...just gives you basically a few more search options.

[Jamaal510]

25. Yeah, online dating

is a lifesaver. It's definitely worth a shot.

[hibbing]

15. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Hi,
I read this book by Susan Cain. It really was an interesting book. It talks about personal life, professional life, education and all other kinds of situations and introverts. Being one myself, I found it rather empowering and made me realize that I'm not the only one out there. So many different things rang true for me. I would recommend it to both introverts and extroverts.

Peace

[NJCher]

34. I was going to recommend that book

I'll second it for insight on introverts.

Re OP, I like the bubble visual. I teach classes where part of the subject matter is the introversion/extroversion concept.

I used to be an extreme extrovert and once had an introvert say that they needed something like that bubble to be able to deal with me over an extended period of time.

Now I'm much more sensitive and have become a 50/50 extrovert introvert. It's interesting being able to experience both sides.

I agree with the poster upthread who says introverts have a lot to say if one just takes the time to listen to them.

This visual goes a long way in helping extroverts understand the introvert and I think I'll use it in my classes.


Cher

[Tuesday Afternoon]

16. so very simple. thanks for posting it.

[davidpdx]

18. Thank you for sharing this

I am a total introvert. I'm going to send this to my wife and see what she thinks. She's about half and half I think.

[CFLDem]

21. I think I'm somewhere in between.

I really value the freedom of alone time but I also really enjoy going out with close friends.

The only reason I would categorize myself closer to introversion is that I tend to find my mind going blank during conversations.

It's tough finding a balance.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

23. I don't think enjoying going out with close friends conflicts at all with introversion.

[Xyzse]

22. I'd hand this to my mother...

But it just does not work that way.

[Blue_Tires]

24. lonely kick...

[ananda]

26. That was good!

..

[LeftOfSelf-Centered]

27. Yup, that describes me pretty well.

[magical thyme]

28. plus a billion

maybe more. I need some more down time to drum up the extra energy.

[dreamnightwind]

30. K & R

This unfortunately describes me too. It's very hard, society is completely set up for extroverts, or so it seems from my side of the fence.

The most difficult part in my experience is that extroverts often use their extroversion to get their way in any situation, often at the expense of introverts who lack their social manipulative skills and whose needs generally go un-met, unacknowledged or even worse, opposed. That's a subset of extraverts, I realize, but there is a lot of it.

The other hard part is that introverts are not even good at supporting each other. Here's a hug to all the other people outing themselves in this thread



Obviously extroverts, in their more positive aspects, are the source of much warmth and many positive connections, not ragging on you guys/girls, just feel that our side of the equation is rarely acknowledged or even expressed. Thanks to the OP for that!

[ananda]

33. I generally get along very well with extraverts ...

... but it took me a long time to learn that introverts
were just as good as extraverts. There's a bias towards
extraverts in the society as a whole.

[nolabear]

31. That's pretty much how I explain it to clients.

Without the hamster ball, but it's right on. Interestingly, in the Meyers Briggs I'm just about equally intro and extroverted. I like both.

[NJCher]

35. hi, nolabear

See my post 34.


Cher

[handmade34]

32. excellent… thanks

I am an introvert, as is my son and we were just talking about this a couple of days ago…

[jmowreader]

36. It's not exactly a hamster ball...

It's more like one of these.

[Sherman A1]

37. K&R

[Demo_Chris]

38. Pretty much perfect. nt

[PasadenaTrudy]

39. 100% introvert here

I love my quiet. My biggest challenge is living with another person - - in a one bdrm apt. He turns on the TV, I retreat to the bedroom to read. I need a very low stimulation environment, otherwise I just feel scattered!