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nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)Since then, other than my writing - now working on my third novel - I haven't done a whole lot, mostly living off my family even when I didn't live with them. Then again, this whole time I've seen most of my friends work menial jobs, feel frustrated and stuck, and other than my (not quite complete) lack of relationships with the opposite sex, they haven't done a whole lot better in life than I have.
So here I am, a (just turned) 29-year-old man - somewhat stunted perhaps but not exactly a manchild - pissed off and scared, trying not to let my misanthropic tendencies overwhelm me. Hoping that the things I have done, and will do, will someday be worth something.
Locut0s
(6,154 posts)You've just decided to take a different route, that of the author. In time I'm sure things will work out. You've at least tried and accomplished more than I have. BTW what are your novels about?
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)And yeah, if not for the books I really would have nothing to show for the last 6+ years. So I hardly think your situation is unique.
Paulie
(8,464 posts)Sounds like you're ahead of schedule with that realization which hit me at 35. 
Me running my own company in my twenties was a waste. An expensive lesson I was too young to understand. Same goes for doing expensive hobbies on credit cards. Wish I could go back 10 years and whack myself upside the head. 
Locut0s
(6,154 posts)Curious as I love hobbies myself, though I haven't spent money I don't have on them. I wouldn't say I'm ahead of schedule yet. It's true there are those who never realize their what their true problems are, I see many on the streets, though sometimes I feel I am destined for homelessness myself.
Tobin S.
(10,420 posts)Just get a job. Doesn't really matter if it pays a whole lot. You're living at home after all. Get a full time job. It doesn't matter if it's your ideal gig or not. It would probably be better if it isn't.
Just get in there and get dirty and tired. Work overtime. When you get done at your job, buy a 40 of beer on the way home and drink it while you sit in your chair and feel your bones ache.
Don't even think about doing anything else or what your future plans might be. Pretend that this is all there is. Hard dirty work for 50 or 60 hours a week, and a big beer afterward while you sit in your chair and watch mindless sitcoms until you doze off.
After you have done that for a while...say a year...reflect. You'll see that your life is monotonous and tiresome. Now imagine that is all you have to look forward to until you are able to retire.
That is what life is like for a lot of people in America and I would imagine Canada, too. And we have it good by world standards.
Locut0s
(6,154 posts)We have it good here in the west at the worst of times compared to the rest of the world. Got any ideas and hat type of job I should look at? I'm assuming you were serious about the suggestion. I did work 4 years at 711 but I'm not likely to go back there.
Tobin S.
(10,420 posts)Hard hat, steel toe boots, long sleeves and pants even when it's 95 degrees. To work in the yard you don't need any skills or qualifications beyond a strong back and a will to work.
I've worked in a machine shop. That's easier than the scrap yard, but it's just as dirty and doesn't pay as well. Machine operators are usually in demand due to the monotony of the work. No skills or advanced education needed. You just have to load, unload, and stand in front of that machine for 8 to 12 hours a day.
I've been a printer. That requires some skill but it can be obtained on the job if you can find someone who will give you a shot. Pays about like a machine shop, but it's not as dirty and repetitive. There are also various departments you can work in at a print shop with varying degrees of skill.
I've worked at a pizza joint. The most money there is on the delivery side. Not as hard as the previous jobs, much cleaner, and no specialized skill needed. Pay sucks though.
And I've been a trucker for the last 17 years. That's what I really think you should do. Requires an up front investment for the CDL training, but after you get a little experience it will pay for itself and you will soon have a middle class salary. You'll be out there traveling all across the country- maybe two countries. You'll meet all kinds of interesting people. You'll have a lot of good opportunities for photos if you bring your camera along. You will gain valuable world experience. That's the route I'd go if I were you. It's still hard work, but for a young single guy with no children and no higher aspirations it's an adventurous life.
Locut0s
(6,154 posts)One level past a learners, we have a graduated licence system here in Canada. I've seen truck drivers with the N symbol on their trucks so it's likely possible to do.
What do you think about becoming an electrician? I've given it some thought and it's been something I've thought off a little over the years. Trouble with that is that it's really the same amount of school and training time as a white collar job, 4+ years.
Tobin S.
(10,420 posts)Forget education for a while.
Joe Shlabotnik
(5,604 posts)Like Tobin S. said, its hard work, and you'll come home filthy and tired, but a cold beer and hot shower will feel great and you'll sleep well. You like hiking in the summer, so this will put to use your endurance, and you'll always be outside surrounded by greenery.
Its not by any means a dream job, or something that you are committed to doing for the rest of your life, but it has some advantages. Landscaping companies go through a lot of staff, so its easy to get hired even without much relevant experience. If you act mature, and responsible and show some enthusiasm for your job, then you will become valuable and appreciated quickly.
You'd also learn a whole bunch of hands-on skills like how equipment works, backing up a trailer, snow plowing, how to repair stuff on the fly etc. When winter comes around (I'm assuming you don't have much snow where you are), you'd be laid off and on call for snow removal. During that time you can collect EI, and take courses (some may be government funded).
If you make it though one year, your boss might even pay for courses like heavy equipment operator, mechanics, welding etc. Those are all valuable skills that you can always take with you or bargain for higher wages with. Full blown horticultural school combines many different learning disciplines as well.
Similarly, the university education strategy doesn't seem to be working out for you, so try taking in some cheap weekend seminars or month long courses that will simply give you some certifications, or background for for other pursuits.
Mopar151
(10,348 posts)Voulunteer for events at whatever you're passionate about. Start making friends and networking a bit..... gives you a chance to polish up your skills a bit, learn how to get things done on a grass-roots level.
Take tickets, direct traffic, carry boxes, be a flagger, learn timing/scoring - folks will feed you, help & encourage you if you are at all plesant company. I'm a motorsports guy, myself - racin' is chock full of odd ducks, and most of us are glad for like minded company.
Arugula Latte
(50,566 posts)I don't know that much about it all, but I do know that if you have a chemical imbalance life is one heck of an insurmountable obstacle...
I wish you the best of luck.
Response to Arugula Latte (Reply #4)
Agschmid This message was self-deleted by its author.
raccoon
(32,389 posts)to go through life with an untreated broken leg.
mzteris
(16,232 posts)Sounds like a med doc and maybe a therapist is in order.
Chemical imbalance canNOT be cured by "Suck it up". "Just do it". "Get a job" "hard work".
It is not wilful. It is not being "lazy". It is not about "not trying". It is - most likely - a chemical imbalance that impedes and/or prohibits the meaningful pursuit or application of any of the above.
I don't care HOW BAD you want to "not be depressed" or "not be anxious" - you can't just stop it. You need help to stop it. Once you get that taken care of, then - yeah - the other advice can be applied. Because the pills are not a "magic cure-all". You will still have to work. But then you CAN.
Still have to want to, though. Sorry, but even with the meds at that point, it's still very hard. That's where the therapist comes in. Helps to reverse the life-time of behavioural patterns you've already established. It will help you break free, decide where you want to go, who you want to be, and how to get there. The work then, that IS up to you.
Locut0s
(6,154 posts)On a combination of 2 right now. One of the problems I've had is that the psychiatrists I've seen have been all meds and no therapy they prescribe one pill after another and it's see you next week if you aren't better let's try pill y this time. I've never had a psychiatrist who did any therapy. My current psychiatrist may do so however I'm waiting to see. I know I need to put effort into this, it's just hard to explain why it's so difficult.
MadrasT
(7,237 posts)In my experience, most psychiatrists do not really do therapy. I don't know if it's the same in Canada, but in the U.S. their job is to prescribe and regulate your medication, and that's about it.
For therapy you may need to see a psychologist - that is specifically what they do. Many people I know who are in treatment usually have both - a psychiatrist (for meds) and a psychologist (for therapy).
PasadenaTrudy
(3,998 posts)I've found that after a couple years or more they aren't as effective. I'm going to see a psychiatrist myself today for some help with my meds. Also, I see a clinical social worker for psychotherapy. Life is hard even if you are mentally healthy, its much harder for those of us who aren't.
snot
(11,804 posts)Fight your fears as hard as you can. If there's something that might make your life feel more meaningful that you think you want to do, try your best to do it. If for some reason you can't quite get there, try to figure out the next closest thing that you can bring yourself to do, and do that.
You didn't choose everything that made you are what you are today; but you are the only one who can transform yourself going forward. It may not be easy, but you seem to be doing a good job of trying to face your current m.o., and that's an essential start.
Allow yourself to dream of what you'd really like to do . . . what might make you feel most satisfied to have accomplished, when you're old and looking back on your life? You have plenty of time left to learn what you need to learn in order to pursue your dreams, and at least give your best shot at accomplishing them.
As the I Ching says, perseverance furthers.
Locut0s
(6,154 posts)I used to say math, physics and the like. But those fields require a young mind, most people's productive years of research in the raw sciences start to come to an end in their mid to late 30s. There are other areas of science I'm interested in that I could still do like biology (specifically botany and entomology). I don't know though, those seem pretty far off and impractical, especially after having quit school so many times.
alarimer
(17,146 posts)Sometime, be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.
I worked hard to get where I am but it took me ages and I STILL compare myself to others. Don't. That is always a mistake. I think we all have our own timetables.
I think you just can't give up. That feeling is the worst.
Vashta Nerada
(3,922 posts)Throughout my 20s, I traveled from one dead end job to the next. I absolutely hated that none of them required me to use my brain. Then I went back to college and earned my Bachelor's, got accepted into grad school, and I'll be finished here by March. Once I get my degree, my office will be outside. 
I'm looking forward to it.
My point, however, is that I was in the same boat you're in about four years ago. Life can turn around quickly, if you're willing to work for it.
Good luck!
ConcernedCanuk
(13,509 posts).
.
.
Just turned 63 - still not "grown up" - gave up trying.
Spent too much of my life trying to please others.
I'm retired now, live a simple, but fairly busy life. I chose to retire to the bush - wood heat and all that - snow country too, so lots of physical stuff to do - gotta haul that wood, and shovel that snow etc.,
But I LOVE it! - Outdoors every day - see/hear the birds, feel the sun, hear/feel the wind - yeah - I'm living!
Job wise, I worked in mechanical, carpentry and electrical occupations, so, - well-prepared (quite by accident and fortune) to deal with living in an isolated location.
I did not plan this retirement - I lived in poverty for decades - wiser decisions in my youth would have made this a guaranteed possibility - I was headed for a sad ending,
but an unexpected inheritance 9 months ago gave me an opportunity to change my direction.
Spent 1/2 the inheritance to buy a modest home - bought necessary tools and supplies, put money in trust for the future.
I was lucky - don't count on luck.
Find some work that pleases you - never mind the pay.
And plan ahead - I lived too many decades "for today". It is only by chance and luck that at 63 I can now be confident to live "for tomorrow".
I now look forward to waking up each morning.
Wasn't always like that.
CC
laundry_queen
(8,646 posts)I asked her one day, about raising 8 kids on a farm in poverty while growing all of their food and tending to the animals as well "How did you do it?"
Her answer is my new mantra. "I just did it. It needed to be done, so I did it. You will always find a way if it needs to be done."
For years, I was a stay at home mom. Now, don't get me wrong, it was a tough job and I didn't (couldn't, lol) slack off. I had a husband who made enough money, so I decided I didn't want to work (most for my kids, but a bit selfish because I knew if I worked, I'd still be the only one to take care of the kids and I didn't want to do both and resent my husband). Because it's what I always wanted to do, even if it wasn't easy, I was ridiculously happy. Then as my kids got older, it got easier. My ex started talking about me getting a job after all the kids were in school - I really didn't want to. I liked my position - I liked that my ex took care of all the financial crap and the 'real life' stuff and I took care of the kids. In a way, I enjoyed being taken care of while I, in turn, cared for our kids. I told him I'd think about getting a job, but I still had years and years until all the kids were in school. Honestly, I REALLY didn't want to. I liked my life, I liked not having a set schedule (except for the kids' school), I was happy. Then my ex cheated and left me (well, he had been cheating for years I later found out). I clearly could not keep being a stay at home mom. I agonized (and cried) about having to put my younger kids in daycare while going back to school. I was sick with stress over all of my life changes (I also moved far away from my ex, yet was still financially dependent on him).
Then one day, I remembered the talk with my grandmother and how she said she just did it. So I decided I was 'just going to do it' too. Whenever I would get panic attacks over a presentation in front of a university class filled with 18 year olds, I'd tell myself, "just do it". Whenever my kids would all start throwing up during exam week, I would tell myself, "just do it, get through it". When I was swamped with homework and didn't know how I would get it all done, and agonized over where to start, I would make myself - FORCE myself to just dig in...just do it. And there were times I really had to force myself - I had a lot of breakdowns over how unfair the whole situation was - how I got the short end of the stick, how I had to do all the child caring, while going to school, and my ex got to go on cruises with the 'other woman'. But after I dried my tears, I would remember to 'just do it because it needs to be done'. The more I 'just did it' the easier 'doing it' became. I'm getting closer to getting my degree - after this term I only have 6 courses left. After this last summer, I really wanted to take some time off school - I just moved into a new place and wanted to work on getting set up properly, painting, yard work, etc and I needed more time to finish everything. I had to really force myself to get back into school. I'm glad I did. It was as hard as hell going back after a couple of months off but now I only have a couple of weeks left until exams and then there will only be 2 more terms for me.
Now I'm dreading about working full-time when I'm done school, but you know what? I've decided I am going to just force myself to just do it. Don't think about it, don't feel sorry for myself, don't whine over the unfairness of the situation...just take care of what needs to be done.
Perhaps you could tell yourself that for your own good, this stuff just needs to be done. I like what was suggested about getting a job. Start there - just do it. See where it takes you. Decide what 'needs to be done' and then take care of it.
Maybe that won't work for you, but thought I'd share anyway. I deal with a lot of anxiety and depression, so I had to change my internal dialog which was HARD, but it's getting better. I think it's also important to pat yourself on the back for the small steps. When I was done one year of school (which amounted to a 'certificate') I took the time to feel some pride in my accomplishment, even though it seemed like for-EVER until I'd get my degree. Baby steps.
hugs to you.
B Calm
(28,762 posts)Locut0s
(6,154 posts)When you refuse to make the right choices in life and leave the hard choices to others, burn your bridges and act childishly. Well, you end up in a bad way and not at all happy.
IdaBriggs
(10,559 posts)Harsh Truth:
SUCK IT UP.
I was a young high school graduate (age 17) and ended up supporting myself while working for less than minimum wage at a local fast food restaurant during my self funded first year of college. I ended up getting better mediocre jobs because I learned that the electric company shuts off your electricity if you don't pay them, and gas money is a necessity if you want your car to move.
That was thirty years ago, but fortunately I was raised with a work ethic, so I was able to make it, and things have been generally good in my life.
Personally, I think your social anxiety is a learned behavior at this point, which means you need to UNLEARN it. A terrible job is a great motivation to get a better one - GO GET A JOB.
Then get all crazy, Do The Job Well.
Are people mean to you? Who cares? You can whine about it here, but you STILL DO THE JOB.
Want to quit? Find a better job first.
Personally, if I were your parents, (and you can share this with them) your room would be empty of every comfort including your bed and the weed stash that helps you "relax" so you don't feel the shame and stress of being a completely useless parasite instead of a hard working contributor to society until you started earning the privilege of having those things back via demonstrating your commitment to getting off your butt and WORKING.
I've seen your posts before - you could have been doing volunteer work for free at the local shelters (human or animal), or become a Red Cross disaster relief aid worker in a few easy classes, or been helping out elderly neighbors with yard maintenance, or learned how to do website development if you don't like being around people/want to be an online only worker.
Seriously, just DO IT.
I have, you can, and after eighteen, your problems belong to you, not your parents, so GET MOVING ALREADY.
If you want to sit around doing nothing, bored out of your mind, go commit a low level crime and go to prison so the taxpayer can foot the bill and you can quit eating into your poor parents retirement money. (Frankly, they need to boot you out.)
ON EDIT: You and I have also talked about the importance of getting your depression treated, and I still stand by this post. You *need* to get our of the basement!
Brought to you by the Tough Love Committee.
Locut0s
(6,154 posts)It's funny I have had jobs in the past and was able to work hard at them. I did the 7-11 job very well for 4+ years. I worked sales at a computer store for over a year. You are right I really DO need to move out. I'm slowly killing myself here right now.
sir pball
(5,340 posts)I had to move back in with the 'rents at 28 to help out with Mom (we won't get into that now), not even for any "failing" on my part - and after three years I was going out of my mind. I was still theoretically completely independent, still paying my car, insurance, clothes, whatnot, and in reasonable mental shape...but even then it's a psychological burden to be at home. Everything you do feels like it's not your own achievement no matter what, and even in the best of times it's a burden to bear.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)IdaBriggs
(10,559 posts)Yes, I do have good intentions, and I hope I don't come across as if I am minimizing depression. The problem is that, even when you are depressed, the bills still have to be paid, and in a lot of cases (especially for the original poster), it is very easy for the negative spiral to keep getting worse when you are curled up in the basement.
Trust me - I've threatened to climb UNDER the bed on more than one occasion!
But once the medication is being utilized, one of the best things I've seen is to start *doing* something; sometimes going through the motions is all a person can manage, but it is a place to start until you get to the point where you don't "need" to fake it.
One of the worst times in my life was shortly after my first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. I had sacrificed to get pregnant (we had infertility issues, which meant trying was not cheap), and carefully planned a career path that would allow me to (in my naivety!) work from home. To my joy I got pregnant, and then the day after we saw our baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound, I began a miscarriage. It was ... not a good time for me. I retreated from everyone, because even the innocent "supportive" words were *not* helping. I was officially totally and completely depressed.
And I started going a little crazy because everything I had done was all about this dream that was probably never going to come true. (I mentioned depressed, right?) My husband was doing the best he could to help, but honestly, I was shutting down. And then one day I went, "I have *got* to get out of here!" (even tho I didn't want anyone to see me as the complete basket case I was and had become). I called one of the contract houses, spoke to a recruiter in one of the most honest conversations I had ever had ("I am supposed to be working from home with a baby, and I've miscarried and I can't take it anymore and please get me out of here because I don't care anymore!" or words to that effect), and he got me a job that was "underpaying me" but got me out of the house.
Every Thursday at the new job for about three months I would close the door to my office and cry. But I would be working while I cried, and gradually things got better. We tried again, miscarried again (very early that time), and a few years later (we danced the infertility tango for eight years total) I gave birth to my now six year old boy/girl twins.
As I said, sometimes the only thing to do is GET A JOB. And that job can be anything that will motivate you to get out of bed in the morning -- if someone won't pay you, make up your own job. Sign up for a volunteer thing, or make it your mission to take care of the elderly neighbor's lawn for free, or pick a street where you decide there will be no litter, or save the puppies and kittens, or become a disaster relief work, or write a book, or build a website where people can talk about their issues, or....
Just. Do. Something.
At the end of the day, even if you are still sad, the world will be a better place. We need people to work to make this world a better place. If you've been blessed with free food, free shelter, and free time, GET TO WORK.
With that, and proper medication, hopefully the depression will get better.
It might not work for everyone, but it is the best advice I've got.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)
a la izquierda
(12,334 posts)It's that simple, really.
I have an issue with perfectionism, but I'm slowly realizing it's not really worth it.
My dream is me, my camera, a few books, a notebook, and a hammock on a beach in Latin America. I'll get there, even if it's only in the summer. My job is a means to that end.
beemer27
(599 posts)Most guys don't grow up till the mid 20s or early 30s. Until then, we are either idiots or assholes. Or both. Now that you have figured this out, it is time to do something about it. Decide what you want out of life, and do it. It really is that simple. Your mamma can't do it for you, your shrink can't do it for you, and we can't do it for you. YOU must do it for you.
Good Luck !!
Generic Brad
(14,374 posts)If Magnum can do it, so can you. By the end of the series he had completely changed his ways. Hopefully you will not have to endure four or five near death experiences for it to take root like it did with him.
librechik
(30,957 posts)It will give you a whole new perspective, you'll see.
Oh, and get some paxil. It really helps w the social anxiety.
magical thyme
(14,881 posts)As others have written, at least you could be out there volunteering. And start working at some shit job -- it doesn't matter if it's flipping burgers. Just do it. And then start looking for a better job. But without some experienceother than sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself, you're not going to be fit for too much at this point.
We *all* have stories and we all have issues. All of us.The question is are those issues an excuseto not every try or are they simply something we simply have to struggle with.
I feel sorry for you. Your parents should have given you the boot long ago. They aren't doing you any favors, so you need to do it yourself.
I hadn't accomplished much by age 30, and felt like shit on my 30th birthday when I reviewed the prior decade, but at least I had finished a BS degree managed to be self-supporting from age 22 on. Shit jobs, living hand to mouth, but at least I'd made the effort. So there, you've accomplished something. I feel less like a failure in life just having read your OP. And that's pretty darn sad.
tabbycat31
(6,336 posts)Which is insanely old for my field (I'm older than my boss and was surprised to not be the oldest staffer in our program). I've also accomplished a lot in the last three years (five if you count volunteering and interning) to the point where I'm looking at head honcho positions for next cycle (I work in politics and I'm debating managing a congressional race for 2014).
I fell into the world of politics solely by mistake and never in a million years did I think I could make a career of it. (I was in banking and laid off in 2008--- I feel I wasted my college years and 20s in the dead end corporate jobs and they've made me want to lay on train tracks before ever returning to the corporate world). Then I started to volunteer--- I knocked the doors, made the phone calls, etc and started as an intern for a marriage equality campaign in 2009. Since then I've been relocated 5 times (currently in state #5 and this is my first time employed beyond E-day) and gotten to live in parts of the country I never would have seen myself even visiting before.
I attended every training I could get to (in my field, there are some you have to pay for that anyone can go to that are geared towards local candidates, etc) and applied for ones that national organizations have offered, where you don't have to pay to get in, but you must apply to and interview for. I attended every fundraiser (and offered to work at the event if I could not afford it), local candidate kickoff, etc and built a network of local connections that served as my first references in the field (no longer needed).
What are you passionate about? If you need to PM me to talk, please do so. (I've had a lot of issues with anxiety for my entire life so I know where you are coming from).
haele
(15,393 posts)The frontier was difficult, but they could feel alive without the eyes of everyone who they couldn't relate to on them. Places they could depend on themselves if they wanted to survive, or not, if they didn't want to. Where a basic level of survival was expected; where there was no pressure to go any further than one was willing to go. Places they could run away to and not have to depend on others for acceptance.
Ever romantic, ever brutal, ever fatal to most. But there was a freedom from the prying needs of others that many find more important than the effort required to "fit in".
A great-grandfather of mine went that way - off to the frontier - to keep from committing suicide, and came out the other end of fifteen years at the age of 55 with a wife (later three children)and a small franchise business he found himself capable of handling to keep them going, but there was still that strain of what would later be recognized as schizophrenia, clinical depression, and high-functioning autism that was very high in that side of the family (my father was only one of two in a generation of ten that did not get committed or commit suicide).
Very little frontier out there anymore. No privacy, either. But there are still a few jobs out there you could possibly find that would give you that freedom in small doses. And a good therapist might help you find your own guides to being able to handle the rest of the world in between those bits of freedom.
Also, remember this - just by being a decent person, you might have already provided a positive impact for someone who desperately needed it at the time- and you were probably never aware you did it. Since you've probably rarely gotten feedback, (people being what they are at stressful times) and you're already 31 years old, it's probably happened several times.
I've found in my 54 years as someone who always is fixing up messes, it's best not to go looking back on the atta-boys to feel good; just try to avoid the future aw-shits as much as you can.
Good luck. (BTW, making "stupid" choices and failing or burning bridges is something everyone does to one extent or another - and it never really stops.)
Haele
Blue_Tires
(57,596 posts) applegrove
(132,185 posts)up my mind that I didn't like what I had done to a guy so I decided I would just let emotion flow and not avoid pain. For the next 5 years I learnt so much about myself. It was wonderful when you accept being open to the full orchestra of emotions. I soon realised that I had been selling myself short for a long time. And when I realized I had been stalked I let the fear and pain engulf me when it was safe. It was so hard. But I had learnt to trust and rely on myself in those 5 years. I accepted the good and the horrific in my life. So I could learn from it and survive. I'm now really happy to be me. I've learnt a great deal about being human. I feel so connected to the world in the ways I'm good at. That is the gift of opening up and saying "I want to feel everything and know everything about myself, be it good or bad". And then you can play to your strengths which is really rewarding. And every single person has great strength within. Don't you want to know about yours?
Neoma
(10,039 posts)You should have had one by now.
Rowdyboy
(22,057 posts)whatever the hell that means but even at 35 I was still pretty much a mess. Now at nearly 60, I've been happy as a sonovabitch for the last 25 years. It just takes a little longer for some of us...
Meanwhile, think of "Lather" by Jefferson Airplane
Lather was thirty years old today,
They took away all of his toys.
His mother sent newspaper clippings to him,
About his old friends who'd stopped being boys.
There was Howard C. Green, just turned thirty-three,
His leather chair waits at the bank.
And Sergeant Dow Jones, twenty-seven years old,
Commanding his very own tank.
But Lather still finds it a nice thing to do,
To lie about nude in the sand,
Drawing pictures of mountains that look like bumps,
And thrashing the air with his hands.
But wait, oh Lather's productive you know,
He produces the finest of sounds,
Putting drumsticks on either side of his nose,
Snorting the best licks in town,
But that's all over...
Lather was thirty years old today,
And the lather came foam from his tongue.
He looked at me eyes wide and plainly say,
Is it true that I'm no longer young?
And the children call him famous,
what the old men call insane,
And sometimes he's so nameless,
That he hardly knows what game to play...
Which words to say...
And I should have told him, "No, you're not old."
And I should have let him go on...smiling...baby-wide
Tuesday Afternoon
(56,912 posts)both mental and physical. Always remember the world is an amazing place full of wonderment.
TemujinKhan
(1 post)Well..., I'm thinking a lot of the same crap about myself..., plan to try applying for SSI , since I have already been diagnosed with ADHD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder & Tourettes syndrome, plus took some tests online all said I very likely have aspergers syndrome, also got undiagnosed arthritis, carple tunnel, fibromyalgia..., maybe ptsd.., & a gunshot wound to my foot... now fused together with a piece of metal & some screws etc
I drink too..., unlike you I never held a job in my life longer than a week unless you count a little once a week janitorial thing..., just a lot of one or 2 day temp job things..., & I guess Not A LOT considering the space in between them..
Oh & sounds like you actually went to college at some point, haven't done that either yet...,
I'm 30...& have been doing a lot of research just trying to identify precisely what the hell is wrong with me..., why do I sit in my room & hide away from the world when I'm not drunk...., freak out at every little noise worried it's someone come to kill me or something,
I have been getting more worried lately, more aware of my shortcomings, beginning to notice that I've got too much in common with the bums I've run into down by river & so on... afraid if I can't get my shit together, or get on SSI or get housing asap...., I'm liable to end up living in a tent in the woods until the govt burns my tent down & beats me to death for being homeless..., or drags me to a tent city concentration camp..., Oh yeah Also I'm kinda like Mel Gibsons Character in the movie Conspiracy Theory..., minus the employment & apartment...
Good luck to you man...., I hope all of us.., that are as fucked up as me can get our shit together, Good luck to us all....