My next door neighbor is a douchebag.

[KamaAina]

He has all these goddamn trees and shrubs instead of a normal lawn. Then he found some obscure clause that lets him plant that crap right up to my house! I can't even put up the goddamn storm windows.

Branches fall off the damn trees into my yard all the time. They attract raccoons. Raccoons! I just throw them back in his shitty yard, but lately he's gotten all bitchy about it. My poor wife finally got fed up and reamed him out for ten minutes the other day. Then he went and put Christmas lights on the goddamn thing! Probably the kind that's a fire hazard.

[loli phabay]

1. rofl, i see what you did there, much applause

[avebury]

2. LOL! nt

[magical thyme]

3. consider grazing some goats on your nice lawn.

Also raise cattle; keeping your own bull with a herd of cows will ensure a constant supply of grass-fed beef.

Also raise some chickens with a rooster, for nice fresh eggs and a morning alarm clock to get you up early so you can take care of your cows and bull before heading out to your day job.

Keep your manure pile right by the property line.

[KamaAina]

4. That ought to get his goat!

[Callmecrazy]

5. You see a manure pile...

He sees a free supply of fertilizer for his garden.

[lumpy]

6. Glad you don't have much to worry about.

[SkatmanRoth]

7. Here's what you do

Get a small quantity of this:

[/font]
Transfer a little bit to a soft cloth and wipe a couple of spots on the shrubs next to your house. Don't over do it, one or two small spots are all you need. It takes about 5 days to a week for the stuff to have full effect.

After a few days, apply to another couple of spots.

If the wind is blowing in the correct direction, a few sprits from a Windex bottle into the heart of the growth works wonders. The plants will turn brown in some areas while remaining green in others. The neighbor will think they have some type of fungus in the shrubs and might just tear the whole works out.

DISCLAIMER: This is for entertainment purposes only, do not try this at home.

[KamaAina]

8. I thought Monsanto was evil

You, my friend, are just plain EVIL!

[rrneck]

9. Or use it to write something dirty on the lawn. nt