and this, then, is the problem with Elan Gale "schooling" Diane

[magical thyme]

When one person seeks to teach another a lesson without knowing the backstory, they may be unintentionally and unecessarily exceptionally cruel.

Sometimes when somebody overreacts to a situation, it is because of the unknown backstory.

Apparently Diane is dying of lung cancer, which is why she was wearing a face mask. It is also why she was so over-the-top upset about missing Thanksgiving. It was to be her last with her family.

http://freethoughtblogs.com/butterfliesandwheels/2013/11/bullying-at-35-thousand-feet/

[PumpkinAle]

1. Nope, being sick does not

give her the excuse to behave as if she is the only person in the world. While sad, if true, there were many ways this could have been prevented.

Even healthy people who have trouble getting from one part of an airport to another even on Thanksgiving itself many people are traveling.

Why did she chose that day to fly and not factor in that there could very well be be delays and upsets - which happen always no matter the time of year. This was a scheduled flight not a chartered jet and she should have been prepared.

If she is so sick, why did her relatives not fly to her?

The way she acted I can only believe that she has acted that way her whole life.

[LisaL]

2. What gives him the right to send her messages with highly questionable language?

Whether she is sick or not.

[PumpkinAle]

11. I didn't say he was in the right

in fact for many of us he definitely wasn't. But sometimes people get pushed to the limit and retort in inappropriate ways.

[magical thyme]

3. I have no doubt when you are dying you will be a perfect example

of perfect behavior all the time. Because you will be perfectly accepting of your impending early death, and will have traversed all phases of coming to terms with it before you set foot in public or interact with anybody else.

Even under the effects of chemo, which really mess with your brain and body chemistry, I'm sure your behavior in every circumstance will be exemplary.

And of course, I'm sure when you have cancer, you'll have the decency to go quickly, versus having some period of time when you are still ambulatory and seemingly normal even up to a short time before you die.

And I'm sure that when you are dying, your entire family will have the money to fly all of them to where you are versus you flying to them, because of course everybody can afford to fly everywhere whenever.

And of course, when you are dying of cancer, I'm sure your cancer treatments will be timed in such a way as you will have plenty of time to fly ahead of time, versus have cancer treatments that follow a rigorous schedule.

Maybe her oncology treatment is out of state and she was allowed to leave at the last minute for the holiday. Maybe it was less expensive for the family to fly one person than to fly dozens of extended family to wherever.

[PumpkinAle]

13. I have worked with cancer patients

in the hospice setting, I have had family who have died from cancer. I have been denied those last meals with people. But you know what - you don't leave it until the last minute to tell someone you love them and share time with them.

If this was such a big deal to everyone they could have chosen another way/day to celebrate - why do you have to have last celebration (Thanksgiving) at a certain time of year when everyone else does? You can have it any time of year. We have celebrated Christmas in November because a relative was going to and did die before Christmas day.

There are always maybes - but I have found that when people feel they are more entitled when they are sick it is usually because they have been that way all their lives.

No the guy was not polite and was insensitive in his own way, but may be just may be he had problems of his own that we don't know about - it goes both way.

[magical thyme]

15. 1. 'the guy' is a CBS public figure who was using this game to entertain his twitter followers

2. You claim to work in hospice and your first and only response is to blame the dying patient and her family for not making what you consider appropriate planning? Still without any details of her situation. Wow. Simply wow.

Complaining about missing a connection is not uncommon in the travel industry.

I work in customer service in the financial industry. Which is another way of saying that I deal with entitled, arrogant, abusive assholes every day that I work.

And somehow I am able to forgive the sick ones who made a poor decision. I know the difference between the old guy in dementia who calls us up and yells at us nonstop for half an hour and the entitled doctor who called last Monday night 10 minutes before closing and screamed at me for 30 minutes straight just because she could.

[PumpkinAle]

18. So you are being paid

to be nice to your customers.

Just because someone is dying or dead does not make them a saint. The dying as the living come in all shapes, sizes, demeanors and temperaments.

And I am sorry but you can not know how ill a person is just by looking at them or talking to them. So she wore a medical mask - that may indicate she is frightened of picking up an illness or transmitting one. How does anyone know?

If she is dying, she is probably scared and that may come out as anger but usually when people behave like she did they are used to having everything their way. Many people live and die with cancer without treating the world around them like it is their fault. If you are that ill you probably would have asked the airline for a little help and it would have been given.

Do you know the family by any chance or are you just taking the word of a "cousin" that said something.

She had problems - he had problems - both behaved badly. If this is in fact true - any of it.

[kcr]

20. That's right. You can't know that people are ill by looking at them.

It's still a good idea in general not to be abusive to people.

[PumpkinAle]

21. No one should be abusive to anyone else - period.

That goes for healthy, sick, poor, rich, educated, uneducated, etc., etc.

[kcr]

23. Uh huh

Which makes it perfectly okay to cheer on the asshole who was abusive to a dying woman. Of course.

[PumpkinAle]

26. Did I do that?

Why do people keep saying this woman was dying? How do you really know that she was or wasn't someone with severe phobias and anxiety about flying?

How do you know this wasn't a prank by some fool with a twitter account who wanted publicity? Haven't heard from anyone else on the flight to corroborate all this.

If someone reacts to another in the way this guy did with his inappropriate and belittling sexist notes - he deserves to be slapped.

[kcr]

29. Yes, you did. And it turns out it was a prank after all

No dying woman, but no self centered asshole either. Just an asshole on twitter.

[PumpkinAle]

30. Please point out where

I supposedly defended him.

[kcr]

31. Pretty much your whole participation in this thread.

You felt he was pushed to the brink by the behavior of this woman, and her supposed dying of cancer is no excuse. Your experience with dying people was even thrown in for extra emphasis.

[PumpkinAle]

32. It was not just the guy

that was supposedly affected but the whole plane - passengers and crew.

Supposing this was a real situation - while her bad behavior might have been because she was "trapped" in the aircraft and out of control of her life which triggered by emotional distress - no one knew she was "dying" or had any real health predicament - a face mask does not say "I am dying or very sick". You judge a story on what is being told to you.

Yes, it is about time that people are called out for bad behavior, but it should not be done by doing the same to them that they are guilty of in the first place.

[kcr]

33. Supposing it was a real situation?

I'd cut someone dying of cancer some slack. Yep. Sure would. Everyone else on the plane not dying of cancer? Fuck 'em. Having to hear someone complain because they're missing seeing their family for Thanksgiving one last time? Awwwww... A face mask doesn't say someone is dying or very sick? It certainly suggests it's a possibility. It's a clue of sorts. ETA in fact, I think that little detail was included for a reason, and makes me wonder who is getting punked.

[PumpkinAle]

34. Right because everyone

dying of cancer is such a saint, everyone dying of cancer should be held up on a pedestal - people die of many things every minute of every hour of every day - you can not know if the person next to you is healthy or dying.

If a person who was truly dying came out with that information and told others about the predicament I believe people would act with compassion.

[kcr]

35. Well, I don't know about that

Given the response I'm just now typing to. Because I'm not talking about treating people dying of cancer like they're saints. I'm talking about having empathy and cutting slack. Something you don't seem to be willing to do.

[PumpkinAle]

36. In the story

the person was able to travel - so may be she had cancer, she wasn't actively dying and could be in any of the 5 stages and took precautions with a mask.

Many people who have cancer don't want others to know because of the inane things that are often said to them and they don't want people feeling sorry for them. At some stage the dying do get angry it is normal though usually the close care-givers are able to help the person through that stage.

FYI here is some info on traveling when you have cancer:

Traveling With Cancer

Traveling, especially during the holiday season, may seem overwhelming to a person living with cancer. In addition to the usual travel headaches, especially around major holidays, there are important health issues to consider before leaving town.

The key to safe traveling is to think ahead and prepare for any special travel needs. This means talking with your doctor about your medical condition(s) to know whether it is safe for you to travel. If it is safe, discuss any limitations with the doctor (for example, no traveling by plane).

Consider these issues before finalizing your travel plans:

Risk of infection. If you are receiving chemotherapy, talk with your doctor about the potential risks of traveling before planning a trip in between treatments. Some people may find it difficult or frightening to seek emergency medical care when far from home (and perhaps in a foreign country) in the event that they develop a serious and potentially life-threatening side effect, such as a high fever, which is a sign of infection. For many people, though, the risk of infection is low enough that your doctor may permit you to travel while receiving chemotherapy.

Flying. Some people with cancer may not be permitted to fly because oxygen levels and air pressure changes at high altitudes can be dangerous. For example, if you are at risk for developing increased swelling in the brain because of a brain tumor, your doctor may advise you not to fly. Also, avoid air travel for 10 days after surgery because it may bring gas into the body that may expand and cause pain and stretch the incision wound.

Changes in the air pressure during a flight can also trigger swelling in the arms, legs, or other parts of the body. This condition is called lymphedema and occurs in those who have had lymph nodes removed.

....................

Get help from the travel company. If you are arranging your trip through a travel agency, work with the agency before the trip to arrange special accommodations, such as early boardings, meal restrictions, and help getting from one place to another (for example, a wheelchair). Find out if the travel company has a medical officer who can help with special needs. Or, consider traveling with a companion who can assist with special needs.

Take it easy. Remember that traveling can be physically exhausting. Schedule regular rest periods to help reduce fatigue.

http://www.cancer.net/all-about-cancer/cancernet-feature-articles/quality-life/traveling-cancer

[petronius]

4. I think the bigger problem is that he was - ostensibly - highly abusive

and even threatening towards another person. Perhaps her situation made it worse, and perhaps the fact that it was in a confined, high-stress, environment makes it worse, but wherever this happened - if it happened - he behaved like a complete shit-stain...

[Arugula Latte]

5. Cancer or not, Diane is still a giant self-entitled asshole.

What did she expect the flight attendants to do, fly the plane to her destination themselves?

[LisaL]

6. Oh for crying out loud.

Assuming she actually exists (as I don't know if the guy didn't make it all up), all she did is complained about being delayed. You never complain about anything, I presume?

[Arugula Latte]

7. I might mutter under my breath, but I don't berate flight attendants

or blame or bitch to people who have nothing to do with the situation.

[LisaL]

8. So complaining gives a man a right to send a message (using sexist language) to a

woman he doesn't know?

[Arugula Latte]

9. Personally I think he took it too far with the comment about his dick.

But I'm glad someone pointed out to her that she was acting like a spoiled brat. There is an epidemic of "It's all about ME all the time" and I do feel people need to be called on it when they are belligerent to other people who have nothing to do with the inconvenience.

[magical thyme]

10. I'm gonna guess here that you aren't dying of cancer and under the influence of chemo

Until you've walked in those shoes, you really have no idea what somebody else is experiencing.

She, at least, has a reason for her behavior. You may not be able to forgive her for being excessively upset about missing her last Thanksgiving, but that is your problem. If you take the time to read the link, you'll learn that she was contrite about her behavior afterwards.

I've been in many situations where somebody was acting like an entitled asshole. IME, the best response is to either feel out the other person and try to calm them down a bit, and failing that, to stfu and let it blow over.

OTOH, what is Elan Gale's excuse for his behavior? Other than that he is a self-important, entitled, arrogant asshole who thought he had some right to "school" (really torment) somebody else with vile language for his own and other's amusement?

That he assumed she was self-important and entitled and deserving of his vile behavior, versus that she was in a fragile state for some unknown reason, and that he didn't bother to find out before acting out, says more about him than her, imo.

[Arugula Latte]

16. I have had a close immediate family member go through chemo.

This person always treated others nicely though, including (especially!) the chemo and radiation nurses and technicians. When I was giving birth without meds I was in incredible pain but I didn't take it out on the nurses or midwife. I thanked them for their help during the process. I don't think there is an excuse to take out your own pain and suffering on innocent bystanders and lose sight of the fact that other people are doing their best to just do their jobs. And, yes, I think Elan took it too far. The first note would have probably been plenty.

[magical thyme]

17. and I've heard many jokes about women in labor cussing out their husbands....

everybody is different and not everybody is able to gracefully accept they are dying at every moment while they await their end.

I am able and willing to cut this woman some latitude for complaining and being upset that she was going to miss her last Thanksgiving with her family.

I am not willing to cut slack to the entitled, arrogant asshole who deliberately taunted her without taking a moment to find out why she was behaving the way she was, and did so in a sexist and ugly way for his own and other's so-called entertainment. His first note would have been fine if he had left out the last sentence, but he deliberately provoked her over and over for his entertainment. That was mean-spirited and nasty.

I work in customer service in finance. I deal with truly entitled assholes every day, and am required by my job to not react to abuse or I could be fired. Frankly, I'm grateful when it turns out that somebody is in a particularly fragile state because those people I can actually help. It makes it much easier for me to be kind to somebody who is weaker and they usually accept my help and sympathy, unlike some rich, self-important bastard who is deliberately abusing me simply because they can.

But that is me. If you want to continue to consider her an entitled self-important whatever for breaking down during a time of fragility, that is your option.

[mockmonkey]

12. Truth or illusion

I don't think flight attendants pass notes around and I certainly don't trust any story on the internet.

Being a horrible person seems to be the "in" thing today. Watch just about any show on TV aimed at teens and young adults and you'll see it. All this crap is being absorbed by the masses. Some people wear this behavior as a badge of honor.

[magical thyme]

14. that's entirely possible.

He admitted in a later tweet that he exaggerated some of what he claimed for effect.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

19. I have to admit that once I found out this guy was a producer of cheesy reality TV shows...

...he lost any empathy I might have had for him.

[antiquie]

22. Did I make a wrong turn

and end up in GD? I swear I followed the LOUNGE signs the whole way.

[bluesbassman]

24. Sorry 'bout that. The Wile E. Coyote sign company is being replaced next week.

Shouldn't happen again.

[antiquie]

25. I'd rather lose my way than my sanity.

No wait, huh? Nevermind.

[IrishEyes]

27. I don't think either of them acted with a great deal of class.

It is better to walk any from a fight. They both chose to keep escalating it until it was a war.

[PeaceNikki]

28. There is and was no Diane.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelzarrell/the-truth-behind-that-epic-note-passing-war-on-a-thanksgivin?bffb

[struggle4progress]

37. More proof how the internet each day helps make us the best-educated and wisest people ever!

Such a story! Dude touches hearts everywhere by telling how he exchanged sincere obscene put-downs with another passenger upset by flight delays! Then, a few days later, dude reveals his humanity and his deep wellsprings of integrity, by adding he might have exaggerated a bit! If you aren't hooked by now, you don't have a soul! Thousands are brought to tears as we learn the other passenger is dying of cancer! Who can resist the combination of a grumpy dying woman and an abusive self-justified dude? It's pure Shakespearean art! And suddenly dude says he made it all up! Brilliant! There's everything here: righteous indignation, asininity, dishonesty, pathos, more righteous indignation, more dishonesty, self-serving denial -- all served as a delicious heap of fun!